Have I Learned Anything from Blogging?

I started blogging a year ago.

*quick celebration*

party, dance, toast, and adjourn

What thoughts do I share in my one year anniversary?  What deep dark secrets do I confess?  Simple:  Can we as a society get off this bandwagon that says relationships have to last forever?  That's it!  That's all I have to ask.  Meaningful, full, committed relationships can have an expiration date and that can be ok.  Yes.... it can.  "To have and to hold till death do you part" -- be damned.

Marriage is an institution that is outdated.  The tradition began so long ago that I can't even fathom that kind of timeline.  It's a tradition that is no longer necessary for what it was started for.  What I can fathom is that I would love to walk up to woman who takes my breath away and say to her, "You and I have something special, we have a connection.  We can learn from each other, we can take from each other and give.  We can and should laugh together.  Let's travel together, let's soak each other up and embrace this next chapter in our lives together... but let's do it with the notion that our time together will most likely come to an end.  Our journey may be long, or it may be short, but let's enjoy this ride wherever it takes us and let's be realistic (in an optimistic way).  We may come to the realization that at some point, our relationship will have completed itself.  Let's be ok with that."

I know that was a mouthful.  These aren't literally words I would use, but the concept is real for me.  The concept is also powerful, and what I would like people to understand is that I believe we can learn and grow from a variety of people, from new relationships, and from new experiences.  This is one reason why I support, to some extent, open marriages, and polyamory.  It's also why I think people cheat. It's not just about sex.

My parents taught me that marriage was for time and all eternity.  They were examples of this kind of life-long monogamy that I am dubious about.  They believe that once they both die that they will be reunited in some heavenly sphere that will bind them together for forever.  They are not alone as many faith believing people hold onto to these ideas.  I once believed the same thing.  The idea of that now scares the shit out me.  The same person, for eternity?  And you call that heaven God?  I'd say that's closer to a living hell.

Getting married is not for me most likely ever again, but not because I am afraid of commitment.  I like commitment.  I prefer it over the months and months of dating and meeting new woman.  But I am a realist.  The words that I used to describe what I would want with this woman are exactly the kinds of ideas that I wish we as a society would embrace.  I don't need marriage to prove my love, to prove my commitment because my actions will speak louder than that damn piece of paper or ring on her finger.

Now.... let's get back to laughing together.  That was my favorite part....

Buzz Buzz Buzz

So much is buzzing around in my brain that I thought I should make a bullet point list of some of them.

• There are a few bloggers out there that need me to earn about one extra zero on the end my salary so I can live a fantasy or two.  Fucking economy!?  Get better already.  Ok, maybe they don't need me, as much as I want them. 
• My body is nursing two injuries now and I need them to be healed quickly.  One of them, my shoulder, is keeping me from my routine at the gym, and I feel gross.  And my knee is keeping from doing my basketball - cardio thing.  I need the healing angel to come and come quickly.   
• I'm living two worlds right now.  One is still in AM and about to begin a new journey with someone new.  The other is dabbling in some "single" dating life meeting hot girls on normal web-sites like Plenty of Fish or Match.  Let's hope those two worlds don't ever get mixed up.
• All around me I see beautiful women, and some of them are extraordinarily hot.  Single too.  I'm surrounded by so many people yet often feel alone.  Poor me huh?  Don't worry too much though.
• I often wonder if I continue this blog for the right reasons.  Is it good for me, does it record my thoughts some how for safe keeping?  Or do I do it because I love the attention and the advice?  
• I've been called "adorable" many times over lately in the past 6 months.  Women who barely meet me use the word.  Is that good?  Do I want to be adorable?  Maybe I want another adjective like "insatiable"?  I don't know.  How about "fucking hot"?  Too much?
• My new AM woman is really cute.  Her body is just like the woman I posted like 2 or 3 posts ago.  I want that.  I like a woman I can pick up and pin against a wall.   She's super funny too.  We're meeting for the 2nd time tomorrow and I know it will be stepped up in terms of something physical.  Perhaps a kiss?  Maybe more.  It's not really defined in terms of how fast it needs to go.  Marathon . . .  or a sprint?  I'm not sure and it's the mystery that is so fun.
• I feel some level of guilt for not tending to my blog regularly, or paying attention to others.  
• I still love beer, perhaps more than the normal guy my age.  
• My home is perfectly divided. I have my own room, and the kids are happy in their respective rooms as well.  My former spouse has the master bedroom so she can't complain too much since that's the nicest room in the house.  Neither she or I have ever had our own rooms before.  We've always shared with someone.
• Ex-Wifey has had some girlfriends sleeping over recently and these girls are super hot.  They'll often sleep in her bed with her.  I imagine that both of them come in my room together in the middle of the night to quench their thirst for my cock and yet somehow it hasn't happened, and trust me, it never will, and I'm ok with that. A guy can fantasize right?  
• Sabrina was over at my house last weekend, late, late at night.  Everyone was gone.  I haven't had a woman in a long time and it felt wonderful.  We kissed each other all over for a long time and eventually she decided to take me into her mouth.  She took all of me, and then some.  It was immensely pleasurable.  Next time its her turn.
• I've been talking to a woman for about a month now that I find extremely attractive.  She's really got me kinda wound up.  If she's anything in real life like she in on the phone or on email, I could really get into the idea of a normal relationship.  Normal, monogamous, and somewhat healthy.  No?  Yea, I miss being loved, as in adored, and worshiped.... even if just for a moment.  I'll take it.  But I'll most likely give as much if not more of it back.
• Just bought a memory foam mattress, and yet I wonder if I want my bed to remember everything that takes places there??  hhhhmmmm (pondering)

Cheers Everyone

Discovering You - Discovering Me

I've gotten a lot of really good advice lately about my relationship strategy, or my "fucking system".  Some of these personal messages have been long, but really well written and thought out.  At times I ask myself what the fuck did I do to deserve such attention.  I'm not sure, but I gladly accept it.  Thank you for doing that, and thank you for being so honest (you all know who you are).  I've been applying some of that advice.  I'm glad to say that I feel as though its working.  No complaints here.

My 6th AM date is scheduled for this weekend.  It's either date #6 or #7, and it's with someone in my town.  It was a year ago that I had an AM date with someone here locally, and I'm very happy to say that she and I are still close friends.  This new girl and I have been corresponding and it's a lot of the usual, but I've toned down  what I would normally say at this point.  I'm holding back a lot of info which feels great and stirs up more mystery about me.

In talking to this fair maiden, I thought about why people need to cheat, or perhaps, why they have an open marriage, get a divorce, or even why some stay single forever.  It's about discovery.  It's about being discovered, in many ways, over and over again, and it's about being the discoverer.  It isn't just about sex, it's much more than that, and in many cases sex isn't even the best part about it.  Perhaps this is the age old question, " Are we humans meant to be monogamous?"  I'm not going to dive into that though.

To discover someone, and to be discovered is about attraction, and about intimacy.  It's also affection, or simply the touch of another human being.  It can be soft, or sweet, and simple as a kiss.  But it can also be about discovering anew ones body, to find chemistry and passion.  I think this is what drives many married people to boredom.  I said many....not all.  I get bored with routine.  I want something new, I want to discover and be discovered all over again.  This is what I love about all of my experiences.  Surprise me, or give me something unexpected.  It doesn't mean we don't love our primary partners, or take anything away from them but there comes a time when we want something that we don't have, we want to explore, to seduce someone, and/or be seduced by someone else.

Look at all of the great explorers from the past, from our world history.  These guys never discovered one place and just sat there chilling till their deaths.  Discovery and exploration were in their blood.  That's how I feel about my theory.  Are we meant to stay with the same person forever?  (oops, that's not what this post is about).   I want to get chills with that new person, I want my heart to thump loudly, and when we kiss I want it to last forever, but hey, I don't want to settle there in that new town for the rest of my life, I want to go out and get those chills all over again.  

Marco Polo inspired many like Columbus and others in their quests to explore the earth, the world.  I too am inspired as well, by the likes of all of you bloggers to explore my sexual world, to discover new people, new places, and to have new adventures.  I also enjoy being discovered myself.  Shall I leave you a map to my bedroom, and/or a map of my body?  Well there no is map for my body.  Not until you discover it yourself.

"Land Ahoy hot bitches!"  lol

Divorced and Forced

Holy shit, I'm not the only one living like this.  It's good to know there are others I suppose.  Two nights ago I had some ideas about this trend, and perhaps a way to have a business based on these concepts.  Divorced and living together in the same home.  Well, in my case, I'm not forced to live in the same house with my spouse, but to move out would mean everyone has to lower their standard of living.  It also means that I don't get to be surrounded by my kids and see them everyday.  That would be devastating for me and for them.  Sometimes when I'm away from them for 2 or 3 days I really  miss them and they miss me too.  So no, I'm not gonna have a custody battle when it isn't necessary and this living arrangement isn't for forever.  Thank Gawd!!

Oh, if you're living in this kind of arrangement too, and if you're a hot woman, in southern California, well we should meet.  I want to go over my ideas with you, and maybe have a glass of wine while we explore.  haha!!  I'm working on exploiting all angles now.

Back to the Drawing Board

AM date #5 proceeded Saturday afternoon and I was anxious in a good way.  Yes, this time I didn't forget to have lunch and I was feeling pretty good.  We met at a coffee shop and talked for a little while.  The conversation was nice.  We've talked a lot on the phone and from email for about 7 months, and we finally were meeting.  Crazy huh?  Investing months of time, with an occasional text or email here or there.  Well much like my last AM date this woman was married and in an open marriage.  So far so good being that I prefer this kind of arrangement/friendship/relationship over a single woman.

We drove to another location and hung out together just talking and getting to know each other.  Was she hot?  Sort of.  When she smiled she was attractive, however from different angles I wasn't at all attracted to her.  All I could think about was "don't settle for someone for whom you are not totally physically attracted to".  I've been posting these kinds of warnings for myself on this blog for sometime now.

She talked a lot and at one point I was thinking that she's really talking too much and not really listening or laughing at my jokes.   Does that matter in the grand scheme of things when I really want to do is maybe fuck her?  Yes, and no, but there has to be both physical chemistry and that mental spark, and both were a little bit lacking.  

So, back to the drawing board where I continue to fantasize about about everything I want in partner and what I'm looking for.  Yes, if this were a movie it would be a lot like Weird Science, where I could design everything, a la carte style, the perfect partner.  Although a little bit of unpredictability is nice too.  How would I design that?  hhmmmm

Where are you woman?  Where are you women who are "attached" but looking for something fun on the side, looking for a friend-with-benefits, or a fuck-buddy?  Where are the women that are in an open marriage in my town?

Who Are You People?

I've gotten some really amazing comments from my posts recently.  Some of you, many of you, leave me comments that I find fascinating, and insightful.  It's like getting advice, but not just advice from a friend, but from multiple friends that know more about you than your real every day friends.  Strange how that works.  I've also gotten some emails from people that I don't know, but that write in this tiny little blogging community.  People read my blog, take time to write me offering personal suggestions and advice on how I can find the things that I'm looking for, that I want out of my life.  How fucking awesome is that?!?!  For these and many of your great comments lately I just want to say thank you.  I appreciate everyone of you who's stopped by and offered your thoughts.  They have really helped me to get perspective. I can literally float a question out there in this forum and have 10 fantastic answers within 24 hours.

I've been sick since Sunday night, but I just got some mojo back and I'm trying to stop by all of your blogs and return the favor.  In the meantime.  Please accept this cheesy sign as a small token of my gratitude.

Don't Forget Your Lunch Dewey

I met someone from the AM site last week.  This was the 4th person I've met from the site ever and the 3rd from LA.  It is becoming very clear at least to me that the kind of women to use that web-site is a very rare bird indeed and there are so few sightings of that bird in my neck of the woods that I have to make a 90 minute trip just to see it.  I don't mind that at all.  Especially when that bird is as beautiful, as perfect, as sensual, colorful, as the one I met last Friday at a coffee shop.  She came with a gorgeous flower in her hair.


Because these sightings for me are rare, I try to put my best foot forward, hope that there's chemistry and maybe some sparks will fly.  The verdict was in fairly soon.  There were no sparks.  There was no flirting.  There was great conversation, and I was attracted to this woman, but I was not completely there.  You see I hadn't really shown up for the meeting. I was physically there and mentally aloof.  I realized when we said goodbye after having a walk around a beautiful park that I wasn't going to see her again.  And that felt bad, and it felt worse because I knew I needed something, I needed something to help me be more of myself.  I was fidgety, I was nervous, so I thought.  After we said goodbye, I sat in my car, and it hit me.  'Dumb-ass, you didn't eat anything all day.  You had a health bar for breakfast and it's now 5pm.  No fucking kidding.'  Yes, I had a 'a ha' moment there as I sped to a restaurant to pick up some food.  I was starving and it certainly impacted my impression.  Lesson learned.


Here are some fast AM facts:  I've met four women from the site.  I know.  Only four.  The first one was from my town, and is the one I still see on an on-going basis.  She is the sweetest thing.  It's literally perfect.  We might not see each other for a month, or text but once every two weeks, but we adore each other.  If they could only all just be like her.  The 2nd woman I met was that very same week last spring.  There was a lot of conversation building up to that meeting and when it finally happened, it was the sparks that you could just die for.  It occurred in a hotel room, and it was amazing.  I haven't seen her again.   The third person I met was last summer.  That meeting was strange.  She had her kids in the other room and they could have come walking in on us at any minute.  Bad fucking parenting.  No, we didn't do anything.  And then the 4th was last week.


I have since wrote to her, the 4th, and she was very very nice.  She, of course, liked me, thought I was cute, but thought of me as really sweet, as a friend.  NOOOOO!  No guy wants to hear that.  That's code for "you aint ever getting into these panties".  Ha!  Ok, well a good friend reminded me not to beat myself up for it all, and so I'm going to stop flogging myself and get back to reality.


Sabrina will be here all weekend.  I'll probably see her once.  Our last time together was a month ago and I enjoyed it.  She was one of my first from 20 years ago.  Not technically my first, but close enough.  She is married.  I haven't yet written about that date from last month.


I'm flirting with another woman here in town who's very cute, and I'm digging her because she knows my situation, my baggage, my red flags, and she's able to see through all of that.  Oh did I tell you how cute she was?  A very attractive body.  I mean fully attractive.


Now if I can just remember everything that everyone has shared with me about the do's and don'ts, the what to say and the what not to say.  Riff, Southern Girl, Mia, Ella, Jae, and all you others, can you all just hang out in my car outside while I schmooze her?  I'll set you up in the mini-van and everyone can be comfortable as you all guide me into relationship success, that is, if Riff can keep his hands off of you for just the 30 minutes that I need to seal the deal.  Ear piece...check.  Microphone...check.  Full tummy...check.  Wits about you...check.

I keep Sucking in the Wrong Women

This will be my last post for a while focused on or dedicated to the concept of understanding the opposite sex, because as much as I like to think I "get it" we all know that it's an impossible notion.  We can just try our best and learn from our mistakes.

A blogger caught my attention recently with her rather honest, sassy, yet skeptical approach to men, more specifically the men from AM.  There's a confidence to her writing, to her wit, that suggests that she is not only smart, hilariously funny, but very sexy in real life.  None of this has been confirmed but what I can say is that there was for me an instant feeling of comfortability in sharing with her what I considered to be my most intimate of personal or personality flaws.  In revealing some truths to her, I learned a few things about myself, about women, and about what I can do to avoid the kinds of women that I've been meeting/attracting. Below is a recap of this exchange between myself and the very talented, funny Mia.  I confessed some rather personal stuff and now feel it makes sense here to share what those thoughts were:

Me:
I have a tendency to suck women in. I talk a lot, and very openly. It's maybe almost a feminine trait perhaps. I am honest, somewhat charming, and a sensitive guy. I'm a nice guy. I try to be upfront with women and then after we have sex, I'm somewhat less interested in them, unless I find them ultra attractive, and that hasn't happened for a while. Yes. . . I have a thing about settling for less than total attraction too. So I'll see a woman, have sex, and then put some walls up afterwards. I'll be like, "you know I see other people right?" You know I'm not looking for a relationship right?" In a lot of cases after the sex is boring or I'm totally turned off my something, say a stinky vagina, or bad breath or both, I simply don't really want to see them anymore. Why can't there just be a code that says 'sex was just so-so, and you're really not what I'm looking for . . . can we still be friends?'  :)  Ok, that's harsh, but I set myself up in many cases for this kind of a disaster. 


I've had a couple issues with woman who right after we sleep together go fucking crazy on my facebook, and leave a gazillion messages or comments, and or texts to me. Their behavior changes, and I don't like it.  I try to manage expectations and I don't do a good job with it. This happened with that Sabrina girl. I got so overwhelmed, even scared by her "love-intensity" after our weekend together that I almost shut down from her. I did for about a day. I couldn't talk to her, and tell her that I simply needed her to chill and not act any different than before we had sex. This happened with another girl about 3 weeks ago. She started pouring on the attention after sex and ughhhhhh. I think it's something I'm doing. I think i need to talk to these women less, to just be a lot more chill and let things happen. I am very fearful about someone whom I'm only partially attracted to 'falling for me'. It's happened like 3 times this past month. One of them I just totally had to boot.

Wow - that was intense . . . Mia kindly and politely offered some stellar advice.

Mia:
You do have game Dewey, and I'm wondering if perhaps the problem lies in how you "play" pre-coitus.


What you've just described was a scenario that many of my guy friends have relayed to me. What I've come to understand about situations like this is that the guy is convinced that he is really in love/turned on by the woman he is pursuing (feelings are indeed genuine), he starts to "worship" her with words of adoration, even going as far as talking or eluding to having a future with her. These are the sort of acts that can cause a "vulnerable" woman to become emotionally connected, and in some cases, like yours, dependent on the guy, resulting in getting her to open herself up to a guy sexually. Then as soon as they "get some", they want the girl to get "the fuck away from them." The "fruit has been tasted" and one finds that it tastes like any other fruit, and so the attention/adoration abruptly stops, leaving the woman hurt, and in some unfortunate cases, go "bat-shit". Sex is a powerful emotional tool for women, they often can't detach emotions from sex, which is one of the most unfair aspects of our nature in general, and probably one of our greatest achilles' heel.


You've mentioned before about feeling bad about seeing attached women, but that may be a safety net for you right now. Single women, no matter what they tell you, will eventually want to "nest", whether they plan on feeling that way or not (and given your personality type, the likelihood of that happening is high). [It's a primal, evolutionary drive to propogate the human species, as well as attaching oneself to a sole "protector" of their offspring]. Attached women can adjust to the limits of an arrangement like the one you described. That doesn't mean you may not come across a single woman who's life is so full she doesn't attach her worth to "belonging" to someone. Not always entirely out of the realm of possibility.


Have you noticed a personality/behavior pattern among the women who've had trouble detaching from you? You may want to start watching for that in others in the future.


You may be doing this already, but it may be helpful to let them know that you can't, absolutely CAN'T proceed with a sexual relationship with them unless they understand that you are seeing other people, and agree to be okay with you not contacting them as often as you like. Let them know that you are not intending to be disrespectful at all, you just need physical contact and play but absolutely cannot commit to one person EVER (don't ever give a timeline, because that will open a vulnerable person up to a possibility that you may move it sooner if you find something "special" about them).


You seem like you mean well and want to do that right thing in your approach to your relationships/arrangements. Try not to beat yourself over it if you are, you'll figure it out over time, really.

I found a lot of jems in Mia's response to me.  Very specifially the being absolutely clear advice in terms of not proceeding in a 'sexual relationship with them unless they understand that you are seeing other people, and agree to be ok with you not contacting them as often as you like'.  Yes!  An area that I need help with. The following is my response

Me:
Huge huge huge for me. I am not doing this well enough. I just scratch the surface of it. It needs to be a rehearsed or prepared message that I give before having sex, before going down that path with someone that I am "fully attracted" to. I think this, along with sticking to attached women, are exactly right. This is kind of what blew me away about your analysis of me, or your advice for me. Amazing.


Yes, avoiding personality types that get attached easily, or who may be vulnerable because "Bat-shit" aint pretty.


I appreciated this dialog with Mia and having a strangers perspective on the matter.  She offered me direct advice that made sense and that I plan to use. Now it's time to stop the analysis and have some fun!  Lookout weekend cuz here I come.

Banning Marriages for People Who Don't Love Each Other

Random Ramblings

I hate it when people, or more specifically women  just totally drop out of your life without any explanation.  Be honest and just tell me what's going on.  If you disappear because something happened and didn't have the class, the courtesy just to send me anything, any indication of what's happening, then you've only left me pondering all the what-if's.  I can handle it really.  In fact you could lie to me.  That's better than nothing.  Yes I am a sensitive soul but I can handle the truth.  I know I can because I can tell you the truth.  I am more comfortable now telling someone exactly how I feel then ever before.  Take it or leave it.  I speak what's on my mind and I am a terrible actor.  If I'm not feeling it or if I'm in a  mood you'll know.  It will be easy to spot, like a fake Ashley Madison profile.

Being honest with my partners is the best policy for me.  I am physically and mentally a happier person when I can be myself, put it all out on the table and let the cards fall where they fall.  The only part about my behavior that I have some regret about is that I see married women.  They hide my relationship with me from their husbands.  I totally appreciate their need for discretion and I can empathize with a woman who wants an active sex life and who gets nothing from her husband, but it would be my preference to see women who are seeing other people and  where there is no deception.  Does such a place exist?  Is it on an island, or maybe it only exists in some undiscovered primal tribe living in the jungles of Brazil?

I love it when a woman wants to exchange her body for money.  Well, I like to know that right off the bat before I invest any time into that relationship, because truthfully I think there's something wrong with that arrangement and I've never participated in doing it or ever will.  So thank you ladies who tell us upfront what your motives are because that's how I operate as well and it allows me to move on to the next person quickly.  You need a sugar daddy?  Ok.  You want to shop on his credit card all day and then exchange sexual favors at night?  Have at it, but use someone else's credit card.

To all the women out there that insist on having my attention 24-7, we don't have to text each other every day or send emails or have constant IM chat.  I can't do that.  I don't have the time nor is that the kind of relationship I'm trying to foster.  I want to have sex with you, yes, I want to fuck you and I want it to last a long time, but please I don't want the 6th grade boyfriend/girlfriend thing as well.  Let's be adults about it.  Just because I don't text for a few days doesn't mean I'm not into you.  Sometimes I need a break from it all, or maybe I want to spend a little more time nurturing a certain other person that I'm seeing before I see you.  Just relax, take a deep breathe.  In fact, pull away from me for a while and it will make me want to chase you all the more.  It isn't a game mind you.  I just can't text you 100 times in the day or answer all your emails.  If I could get this one woman to do a blog interview with me, she'd tell you.  She'd tell you that a once a week text, email, with a simple flirty message is all it takes and what I'm the most comfortable with.  We see each other once a month and its always delicious.  We could both take it or leave it.  Shit, why can't you just be more like her?  She loves me, but she doesn't have to shower me with shit-loads of messages to show me.

Finally, I saw you on NYE and I was elated to spend the night with you but as your pants came down, as the moment heated up, I was squarely knocked in the face by your large unkempt forest.  I'm sure someone somewhere has told you that a little shave, a lotta shave, or a wax, can make the world of a difference.  You know you make my job harder when you don't do any maintenance on it?  I'm just asking for an occasional trim.

Ok, and that's it for my random ramblings for the day.  Can you tell that I'm a bit overwhelmed with my system?  Yea, it needs some quick tune ups.

The Look of Love

First off some quick facts:

I am starting to show more gray hairs than ever before and I am thrilled that so many have complimented that look on men in generally and especially on me.  Now down to business.  I am occasionally seeing the first person I met on AM.  She is a great friend, lives close to me and we exchange adorations for each other that are perfectly comfortable for me.  Love me, but  without any strings attached, or just love to be with me and I will love to be with you.  It's just so easy with her.  A perfect relationship.  After telling her that I was hesitant to meet up the other night, that I wasn't 'feeling it' so to speak, she writes back and offers to 'knock some sex into me'.  Now that is utterly resistible.

I had a very nice weekend with Sabrina and that may be another post, or not.  We plan on seeing each other again.

The last person I made any real contact with on AM was in August.   We have been exchanging messages since August and still haven't met.  Can you believe that?  We both want to but it's not been easy, although we just had our first conversation today on the phone and I think we will meet in February.  That's 1/2 year of waiting and patience should have its virtues.  I am talking with some various women that live close to me, but who aren't attached.  I hesitate to pursue something with any of them only because I am not wanting a typical relationship . . .

What do I want right now?  I'm not sure exactly what that looks like.  At times I'm better at describing what it doesn't look like, but I'm going to try and describe what is an ever changing look of love.

What does the look of love for Dewey look like?  For me that look is:

• an open minded female
• trust/honesty/respect
• polyamory - multiple people, multiple partners, fidelity among partners, expanding love, infinite love
• a woman who shares my same attitudes about monogamy  - who wants to just be with me and enjoy the moment, however long that moment lasts
• on-going open communication
• a woman that can take it or leave it, and by it, I mean "me" - so yes, the commitment to the relationship is less important than the relationship itself.  
• women with children, most likely because they understand the commitment I have to my kids and respect that
• someone who wants to have fun, to play, and to fuck, and explore that with me
• total physical attraction

What it doesn't look like to me:

• possessiveness, jealousy, drama, games, secrets, monogamy, needy, and attention seeking 
• insecurities, hidden motives - objectives, with strings attached
• a materialistic woman looking for benefits above and beyond my company
• a constant partner whom I share a bed with and sleep with - 'yes, it's my preference that you get up and go now . . . it's 2am and I need to get some "real" sleep'
• partial physical attraction

At the moment I would say that what I have enjoyed more recently is the relationship high, the endorphins, the energy from a new partner, from the exchange with a new partner, and from the mutual attraction.  But don't get that confused ladies with some romantic notion that I want to marry you, have a vasectomy reversal and give you babies.  Those day are done.  And so I go about it various ways - testing someone to find out how they would fit on the look of love.  It's the testing that has gotten me into a bit of trouble because I need to use better skills or a better approach in the discovery process.  What I do is build walls.  I build certain walls and then wait to see what their reaction is.  It's part of a process where I attempt to put all my cards out on the table and then see where they fall, but the building walls has not been very effective.

In my last post I talked about the NSA woman that I had to dump.  I told her to stop messaging me, texting, and calling.  She was trying to climb up over every single wall and I was trying to shoot her down.  I would tell her what I was looking for, basically everything in both columns, and she would agree, but then act like I never said those things.  This woman liked me, and I mean really liked me.  It was too much.  And I found that unattractive.  If you do all the chasing and tell me how hard it is to find people you connect with, until you found me, and then you act as though you really want a traditional relationship with me, it's going to turn me off quickly.

My look of love has it's limits.  More likely than not I think that human relationships come to an end some for better and some for worse.  Yes that rights, I think all relationships have some sort of an expiration date.  There will come a time when you're in love and then something will change.  Perhaps that change is due to boredom, or perhaps for something far more serious.  It doesn't mean that one shouldn't engage in relationships or strive for love but I'd like to see people lower their expectations of what marriage or what a partner can do for them.  I am not a fan of the fairy-tale love stories or of the institution of marriage.  Not only do I think it doesn't work but it places too much emphasis on how your partner will be the joy that you were missing, or "complete you".  Humans are complete on their own, and I don't think we need the romantic Disney notion that love is forever or of 'till death do you part'.  Let's be realistic and just enjoy the ride, enjoy it for however long it lasts.  Just my opinion and just how I perceive the world.  Thank you for coming along this ride with me.

Update: Some of the comments are asking me about a conflict in my bullet points and I wanted to add this to just clarify my thoughts.  On the surface they look opposed to each other.  You can't be monogamous and polyamorous at the same time.  I know. I meant that when she's with me, she's really with me.  That she's into me and that as we're together she embraces me and we have fun, that we exploit that moment together.  But also that she doesn't count on me being something more than that.  Or being a person that wants more from her. . . that she doesn't want a monogamous full time commitment to "us".   I like polyamory as a concept, but I've never lived it or seen it done successfully for a long time.  I don't know if I would ever practice it but I look at it as an alternative to monogamy.  The thing to is that while I like polyamory I also like many of the things that come from monogamy as well, and I suppose, depending on what day of the week we were talking, I might explore another monogamous relationship if the right person came along.  I'm not so close minded that I wouldn't consider it.  SO yea, you are seeing conflicting impluses or desires from me, because I am in a state of flux now. 

No Strings Attached

I posted recently about how the Facebook doors had opened and a floodgate of women had surfaced giving me some newfound joy.  I was delighted that I could be myself with them, even explaining that I was not interested in having a monogamous relationship and that I was seeing other people.  So far so good right?  Everyone on board?  Perfect . . . until it isn't perfect.

Well one of them was ok with it until things got worse.  I started noticing odd things about her behavior that caused me to think that ultimately she would try to "win" my heart over even though my heart isn't up for sale.    In the very short time span of three weeks we fucked quite often and enjoyed it but spent more time managing expectations about what I would or wouldn't be interested in.  In the end, I knew that if she hoped for something more than what  I wanted, that we would not be a good match.   Better in the end to say good bye to someone whom the NSA attached really meant something else.  A fuck-buddy is after all just a fuck-buddy even when you like them outside of the bedroom.

It wasn't easy though.  I did like her. She was by all accounts someone I could connect to and laugh with.  A little crass, sassy, confident, nice body, and very funny.  Yes, I like these characteristics.  And the funny thing about her confidence was that I wasn't fully attracted to her physically.  Really, I wasn't, but she would talk about her looks, or her body in a very different way that I was used to.  She never talked about insecurities with herself, as she was very confident in who she was.  Perhaps that was a little intimidating to me, but really, it made me forget how I wasn't fully attracted to her.  Strange how that works?  At least for me.  We would exchange messages, via text, or email, and she had it going on in the funny department and we definitely connected, and that made having to break it off with her all that much harder.

I'm glad I did call it off.  She fought with me tooth and nail to keep giving her a try.  It all seemed very needy of her and I don't do needy at all.  Crying on the phone, cussing, telling me how great I was, and how hard it is to find people that you really connect with.  Frankly, as much as I liked her, I didn't want to go down the "let's see where this could go" path.  A take or leave it approach to Dewey would have kept us going, and would've made me feel a lot of better about continuing in our relationship because really I don't want any strings attached at all for now.  None.  At least none that surface within the first two weeks of a relationship.  She was needy about my time also.  If I say I have to go, because my kids need me at the moment and you're still trying to talk to me, ignoring me, then you don't get it.

Ultimately I want love in my life, I just don't see having that with one person, and one person only at one single time.  Yes, I might have been open to the notion of romance with her, or maybe love, but only within a way that makes sense and to me a monogamous relationship, even in a very early stage is this last thing on my mind now.  We even spoke once about polyamory, with which she was familiar with, and her instant notion of it was 'it's bull-shit and doesn't work' didn't settle with me either.  Because as you know, I think the same things about monogamy.  More to come on my next post in regards to love and relationships.

A Peaceful Business Model that Works

I've been hearing lately from many of my female friends that they wish they could be doing, or could have done what my ex and I are attempting to do.  Our relationship/business model is unique in that we get along well enough most of the time so that we can live together under the same roof and raise our kids together, and we can do that in an open, peaceful, and honest way with them.  They know that mom and dad aren't "in-love", are going through a divorce, and they're managing that information very well.  The ex and I work together closely as partners in parenting and believe me it isn't an easy task with all girls, and with so many of them.  But it's damn worth it.

Perhaps this model works because there is a general interest in hoping that those around us are happy and get their needs met.  But it's more than that, its about genuinely wishing that your partner (ex-partner) is happy and seeing that she feels the same way about you.  I can literally schedule any outing, or time that I want to go out, socialize, have dates, or go on mini-trips and know that she will take care of the kids while I do the same for her.   Recently this has become quite a scheduling exchange.  We work together to make sure that we parent first but also that we have equal time outside of the house to pursue whatever we want. It isn't always perfect but fuck, I am very happy about our arrangement.  I'm happy that we don't have to be in the closet about it either.  Kids know, parents know, grandparents know, and my friends know.

There are of course limitations to this model.  We don't own a mansion where we could have guests, or lovers, circulating in and out.  We aren't going to have any boyfriend or girlfriend come live with us.  But even if we did have such a home, I wouldn't be living that way as a parent, as a role model to my girls.  Simply put, there isn't any woman that I would introduce my girls to for a very long time.

Strangely enough, two of my kids who are 11 and 9, are asking me about dating.  They are coming to me and telling me to go out and date, to have love.  I find that remarkable because they truly want me to be happy and they know that I will always be there for them.  They know I won't leave my house no matter how fucktacular some woman might be and leave my kids to be an every other weekend type dad.  It just isn't in my DNA.  I have to see them daily, they are the love of my life.

So yes, I can date, I can fuck, I can be seeing multiple people at the same time, and I can have a variety of relationships that make life interesting and I can do it all with the help of the person that I fell in love with so long ago.  There can be peace, and this model can work.  If it were a business model I think more people would be buying.

Have a great weekend everyone

Dimitri - The Stud

MUST LISTEN: The Reason Some Girls Stay Single. 

*Update - A reader (Kimmy) was nice enough to leave a comment that this is all just a joke, a fake promotional tool.  It is however still hilarious to me, and if this is going to be a movie, I will be there opening night.  This kind of stuff cracks me up.  

Hot Bloggers Inspire Something in Me

The other day I'm on email and I see that a good friend, a hot blogstress is on-line, and her Gmail IM status says "to shower, or not to shower". Hmmm. So I'm thinking well, few things are sexier than imagining a hot woman, taking a shower. Ok, well it's at least up there on the list in terms of sexy places for women to be. I admit, there are times when I would watch a woman taking a shower and just get frazzled at the site of that body with the steam and the soap.  In most cases I was always ready to throw my clothes off and jump in with her, but I figured that logistically because I was sitting in a tree with binoculars that it would be hard to gain entry into the bathroom. (j/k for you serious types)

Anyhow I encouraged her to take a shower and the following conversation occured. She then encouraged me to post it and so here it goes:

Me: Shower now and let me be the water . . . cascading from the shower head down your hair, and onto your neck. Let me go ever so slowly down your breasts and just over your nipples. I want to touch every inch of your tummy and then down farther toward your hotness, your warmness, your sex, and ultimately down your legs. Let me slip down the drain undetected by your other lovers . . . now you are clean.

Her: Damn, a shower suddenly sounds like a good idea..... phewwwww - damn, I am already in the ultra horny part of my month... *squeezing legs togehter.

Me: Take a shower for me . . .  dedicate it to me!! I swear I'll give you everything I got. Let the hot water run forever while I kiss you passionately and soak up your sexiness, your vibe. I will kiss you everywhere, and I mean everywhere.  Now . . . use your arms and hold yourself, prop yourself against the shower wall, because I really want to explore you.  Damn its getting hot in this shower . . . While I can't be there with you, my body is willing and wanting . . .


Her: shit damn fuck   Breath faster as is my heart.


Me: If you have a handle, or something to grip while we shower together . . . grab it. . . . hold it tight. and bend over just ever so slightly because I want to taste you, and I love the way you taste in the shower.  You're so clean and yet so wet . . . .  Can you feel how hard I am . . . shit! damn! fuck!!   Yes, I'm that hard, and now I am about to take this clean shower experience to a very dirty level.  Are you ready?   Spread your legs just a little,  let me play with you and let me slowly slide my cock into your beautiful pussy. . . . That feels so good - you feel so good!    Hold on tight, I'm gonna grab your wet hair just a little, but maybe a lot.


Her: I am in the need of a shower - now more then ever!!!!  But with it being this late in the day I was pondering if I should just wait till tomorrow - but I fear now I can't  I will have to shower and touch myself and think of what you just described.


Me: Please touch yourself, please  . . . . I can't stand to think that you wouldn't after this little tryst we just had


Her: Off to shower -thank god my new toy is waterproof.  what you just said will be my inspiration.  An O will form on my lips and then I will giggle.  Off to "hand"le things  ;)


Me: Yummy, that's so hot to think of you like that, or this way . . .


20 minutes later . . . 


Her: It was that hot.  ohhhh and totally worked in no time flat - wowzers!


Me:  Glad to get your firing burning even while you're in the shower


My point in sharing this story is that you never know where it can go when you leave your status on IM like that.  A dirty mind can go in a lot of different directions with just barely enough material to warrant a moment like this.  Thank you hot blogstress and thank you to all the others that provide me with little moments like this throughout the day.  Way more fun then a guy should be allowed.  


Let me tell you who's on my mind: Gypsy Rose, SouthernGirl, Lilly, Kimberly, Emmy, Barefoot Dreamer, Mina, Green Eyed Frenchy, Ella, Petal, Ms. Scarlett, Jae, Ms. Undecided, Sexie Sadie, Sweet Elle, Athena, Grace, Just a Curious Wife, Topaz, LifeChick, April, WGD, Kyra, W Virginia W, Black Pearl, Mina, Eva, Gray, T, and Monique Danger.


Not all could be listed, and I'm sure I left someone out by accident, but those of you that have peaked my interest through emails, IM, and or comments are here. Thank you ladies . . . you are hot as fuck!!