Monday, May 17, 2010

Have I Learned Anything from Blogging?

I started blogging a year ago.

*quick celebration*

party, dance, toast, and adjourn

What thoughts do I share in my one year anniversary?  What deep dark secrets do I confess?  Simple:  Can we as a society get off this bandwagon that says relationships have to last forever?  That's it!  That's all I have to ask.  Meaningful, full, committed relationships can have an expiration date and that can be ok.  Yes.... it can.  "To have and to hold till death do you part" -- be damned.

Marriage is an institution that is outdated.  The tradition began so long ago that I can't even fathom that kind of timeline.  It's a tradition that is no longer necessary for what it was started for.  What I can fathom is that I would love to walk up to woman who takes my breath away and say to her, "You and I have something special, we have a connection.  We can learn from each other, we can take from each other and give.  We can and should laugh together.  Let's travel together, let's soak each other up and embrace this next chapter in our lives together... but let's do it with the notion that our time together will most likely come to an end.  Our journey may be long, or it may be short, but let's enjoy this ride wherever it takes us and let's be realistic (in an optimistic way).  We may come to the realization that at some point, our relationship will have completed itself.  Let's be ok with that."

I know that was a mouthful.  These aren't literally words I would use, but the concept is real for me.  The concept is also powerful, and what I would like people to understand is that I believe we can learn and grow from a variety of people, from new relationships, and from new experiences.  This is one reason why I support, to some extent, open marriages, and polyamory.  It's also why I think people cheat. It's not just about sex.

My parents taught me that marriage was for time and all eternity.  They were examples of this kind of life-long monogamy that I am dubious about.  They believe that once they both die that they will be reunited in some heavenly sphere that will bind them together for forever.  They are not alone as many faith believing people hold onto to these ideas.  I once believed the same thing.  The idea of that now scares the shit out me.  The same person, for eternity?  And you call that heaven God?  I'd say that's closer to a living hell.

Getting married is not for me most likely ever again, but not because I am afraid of commitment.  I like commitment.  I prefer it over the months and months of dating and meeting new woman.  But I am a realist.  The words that I used to describe what I would want with this woman are exactly the kinds of ideas that I wish we as a society would embrace.  I don't need marriage to prove my love, to prove my commitment because my actions will speak louder than that damn piece of paper or ring on her finger.

Now.... let's get back to laughing together.  That was my favorite part....


Kat said...

Great Post!!!!

I really wish more people thought like you and I think it takes being there and living through a long term relationship that has "expired" to realize this. Not to say that people can't live a monogamous life with their partner for eternity but monogamy is not for everyone.


Green Eyed Frenchy said...

I totally concur with you, people change, grow apart, society evolves, we live longer, why should we have to stick together if feelings dwindle? Interesting post :)

Petal said...

Well happy blogaversary to you! I get you, I really do! Incredibly well said :)

T said...

Now that, my friend, was beautiful.

Well said.

Charlene said...

Congratulations on the one year blogger anniversary!

I predict that you will be re-married within a year of your final divorce decree.

I knew a man who lived in the "same" but separate space as his wife and children. They had lived that way for over 2 years from the date of separation. He talked like you write; the out of date marriage idea, etc. He was married again 6 days after his final decree.

You don't agree? Prove me wrong.

Hubman said...

But you know what? Maybe, must maybe someday you'll meet a woman and getting married again will seem like absolutely the right thing to do. If that day ever comes, I hope this post and the feelings your sharing today don't hold you back from following your heart.

Happy blogiversary!

Dan said...

Between thought and expression, concept and reality, theory and practicalities lies a lifetime.
Like you once I'm in I'm in, but I know that they can and do end.
Trying to shed that skin of expectations is harder than you think isn't it.
Look, til death do us part may work for some but when it doesn't work for those who actually believe it, that's where the teardrops start. On both sides.
Good post, it has coalesced a few thoughts banging round in my head.

Vixen said...

I think the definition and idea of marriage has evolved. It's no longer as cut and dry as it once was- marry someone at 17 and live together through eternity.

But I also think *way* too many people enter into it flippantly, with out giving it enough thought. "Eh, if it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce".

More people need a healthier view on marriage and/or commitment, like you have discussed yours here.

My first marriage ended badly, I stuck it out for 16 years before finally *knowing* it had to be done. And I thought I would NEVER marry again, much less want to be with another man. And hey...look at me now. ;)

Having a healthy view and attitude, mixed with a realistic one I think is huge.


Cheeky Minx said...

Congratulations on your anniversary!

Great, thought-provoking post. I think for many people even contemplating, let alone living out, long term intimate relationships (married or not) away from an idea of monogamy scares the bejesus out of them for all sorts of reasons.

Personally I'd like to think that every relationship and connection has crossed my path for a reason. They aren't all meant to survive a lifetime. And since I'm a realistic romantic (hmmm, contradiction?!), I'd also like to think I won't close myself off to the possibility of a connection that might last into my zimmer frame years! But whether it will be monogamous, remains to be seen... xx

southerngirl said...

Congratulations on the year my nomadic friend.... :) May your future travels bring you light and love.


Crazed-n-Amused said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms Scarlett said...

Awesome post - so well said.

And I'm late, but Happy Blogaversary!


Topaz said...

Happy blogaversary darlin...

As most have said, the idea of marriage is now more flexible than it ever has been. It's whatever definition the couple puts on it. And if you find someone who's on the same page, and you can evolve together, that partnership can last. But it doesn't mean it has to.

For what it's worth, I'm happy for you because you finally know what it is you want in a partner, and you're not willing to settle. Too few people can claim that like I believe you have.


Black Pearl said...

AWWWWW, happy bloggerversary to you Dewey!!!