I started blogging a year ago.
party, dance, toast, and adjourn
What thoughts do I share in my one year anniversary? What deep dark secrets do I confess? Simple: Can we as a society get off this bandwagon that says relationships have to last forever? That's it! That's all I have to ask. Meaningful, full, committed relationships can have an expiration date and that can be ok. Yes.... it can. "To have and to hold till death do you part" -- be damned.
Marriage is an institution that is outdated. The tradition began so long ago that I can't even fathom that kind of timeline. It's a tradition that is no longer necessary for what it was started for. What I can fathom is that I would love to walk up to woman who takes my breath away and say to her, "You and I have something special, we have a connection. We can learn from each other, we can take from each other and give. We can and should laugh together. Let's travel together, let's soak each other up and embrace this next chapter in our lives together... but let's do it with the notion that our time together will most likely come to an end. Our journey may be long, or it may be short, but let's enjoy this ride wherever it takes us and let's be realistic (in an optimistic way). We may come to the realization that at some point, our relationship will have completed itself. Let's be ok with that."
I know that was a mouthful. These aren't literally words I would use, but the concept is real for me. The concept is also powerful, and what I would like people to understand is that I believe we can learn and grow from a variety of people, from new relationships, and from new experiences. This is one reason why I support, to some extent, open marriages, and polyamory. It's also why I think people cheat. It's not just about sex.
My parents taught me that marriage was for time and all eternity. They were examples of this kind of life-long monogamy that I am dubious about. They believe that once they both die that they will be reunited in some heavenly sphere that will bind them together for forever. They are not alone as many faith believing people hold onto to these ideas. I once believed the same thing. The idea of that now scares the shit out me. The same person, for eternity? And you call that heaven God? I'd say that's closer to a living hell.
Getting married is not for me most likely ever again, but not because I am afraid of commitment. I like commitment. I prefer it over the months and months of dating and meeting new woman. But I am a realist. The words that I used to describe what I would want with this woman are exactly the kinds of ideas that I wish we as a society would embrace. I don't need marriage to prove my love, to prove my commitment because my actions will speak louder than that damn piece of paper or ring on her finger.
Now.... let's get back to laughing together. That was my favorite part....
A new normal
1 week ago