I met someone from the AM site last week. This was the 4th person I've met from the site ever and the 3rd from LA. It is becoming very clear at least to me that the kind of women to use that web-site is a very rare bird indeed and there are so few sightings of that bird in my neck of the woods that I have to make a 90 minute trip just to see it. I don't mind that at all. Especially when that bird is as beautiful, as perfect, as sensual, colorful, as the one I met last Friday at a coffee shop. She came with a gorgeous flower in her hair.
Because these sightings for me are rare, I try to put my best foot forward, hope that there's chemistry and maybe some sparks will fly. The verdict was in fairly soon. There were no sparks. There was no flirting. There was great conversation, and I was attracted to this woman, but I was not completely there. You see I hadn't really shown up for the meeting. I was physically there and mentally aloof. I realized when we said goodbye after having a walk around a beautiful park that I wasn't going to see her again. And that felt bad, and it felt worse because I knew I needed something, I needed something to help me be more of myself. I was fidgety, I was nervous, so I thought. After we said goodbye, I sat in my car, and it hit me. 'Dumb-ass, you didn't eat anything all day. You had a health bar for breakfast and it's now 5pm. No fucking kidding.' Yes, I had a 'a ha' moment there as I sped to a restaurant to pick up some food. I was starving and it certainly impacted my impression. Lesson learned.
Here are some fast AM facts: I've met four women from the site. I know. Only four. The first one was from my town, and is the one I still see on an on-going basis. She is the sweetest thing. It's literally perfect. We might not see each other for a month, or text but once every two weeks, but we adore each other. If they could only all just be like her. The 2nd woman I met was that very same week last spring. There was a lot of conversation building up to that meeting and when it finally happened, it was the sparks that you could just die for. It occurred in a hotel room, and it was amazing. I haven't seen her again. The third person I met was last summer. That meeting was strange. She had her kids in the other room and they could have come walking in on us at any minute. Bad fucking parenting. No, we didn't do anything. And then the 4th was last week.
I have since wrote to her, the 4th, and she was very very nice. She, of course, liked me, thought I was cute, but thought of me as really sweet, as a friend. NOOOOO! No guy wants to hear that. That's code for "you aint ever getting into these panties". Ha! Ok, well a good friend reminded me not to beat myself up for it all, and so I'm going to stop flogging myself and get back to reality.
Sabrina will be here all weekend. I'll probably see her once. Our last time together was a month ago and I enjoyed it. She was one of my first from 20 years ago. Not technically my first, but close enough. She is married. I haven't yet written about that date from last month.
I'm flirting with another woman here in town who's very cute, and I'm digging her because she knows my situation, my baggage, my red flags, and she's able to see through all of that. Oh did I tell you how cute she was? A very attractive body. I mean fully attractive.
Now if I can just remember everything that everyone has shared with me about the do's and don'ts, the what to say and the what not to say. Riff, Southern Girl, Mia, Ella, Jae, and all you others, can you all just hang out in my car outside while I schmooze her? I'll set you up in the mini-van and everyone can be comfortable as you all guide me into relationship success, that is, if Riff can keep his hands off of you for just the 30 minutes that I need to seal the deal. Ear piece...check. Microphone...check. Full tummy...check. Wits about you...check.
Depression, 45, 40: Time For Some Honesty
1 week ago