Listen Up Universe

I've been going through a long dry spell lately. Yes, it's been dry as a bone without even a hint of rain. How long has it been since I've had really good sex, or been with a woman that I was really attracted to? How long? It's been a while, and I'd rather not count the months for you. The desert picture can paint a better picture for you than I can express in words

Instead of focusing on what I don't have and what my body aches for, let me focus on what I do want, my vision.  Universe, are you listening?  Pay attention because this is my open letter to you and alternatively my adult letter to Santa Claus:

I see her.  She makes me giddy.  I'm imagining her and the taste of her body. How magnificent those lips are and how delicious her tongue is. I love her hair and she has a wonderful smile. She makes me laugh. She's beautiful. She's what I've been waiting for.

Let it rain universe. Let it pour.
Sincerely,
Dewey

thank you southerngirl for the musical adaption of this post.   She has a unique gift for adapting music to words, and feelings.  You'd better go look at my favorite post of hers to see what I mean.

Listen Up Women

Recently I wrote a post that linked to a Craigslist ad called 'Observations on Sex from a Single Woman'. It doesn't really matter that she was single or married as I thought the observations were great insights on how to better yourself when it comes to bedding a female. I'd like to think of it as most of the good stuff that you never learned in sex-education or from your big brother. And certainly not all the ideas are applicable to every woman. That's why we have a thing called variety and everyone can have their own preferences. Yes, what a great fucking country we live in. You can choose what works well for you, and if anal sex isn't one of them then guys, don't surprise her with trying to slip it in the backdoor because she won't like it. Of course right? Common knowledge.

In the spirit of observing sex with the opposite sex I have opined my own tips for you ladies and while I don't speak for all men, I do speak for Dewey and I've got a few things to say. I've also enlisted the help of fellow male blogger Hubman to add something more to this post. He gave three pointers. The first contribution is from Hubman followed by me, Dewey.

Hubman Says:

We really do love lingerie, but don't go crazy, since it's just going to end up tossed on the floor. All you really need is a matching bra and thong, maybe a camisole instead. Don't bother with much else, okay?

Yes, sometimes I'll lose my hard-on when we're fucking, especially if a condom is involved. It happens and I'm perfectly capable of working past it. But please, DON'T take it personally, it's not because I don't think you're attractive. If I didn't, I wouldn't be fucking you in the first place.

You're curious about trying something new, pushing your boundaries a little, exploring a little kink? Don't be afraid to suggest something, if we haven't already suggested it ourselves! Chances are pretty good that we'll say yes.

Dewey's Basic Training:

When we're in the bedroom together and we start to kiss, my senses are running wild. I want to look at you, to taste you, and to smell you. Smell sets the tone. From a clean mouth to all the other areas it matters a lot. I once had a woman in my hotel room who reeked from b.o. It was a deal breaker. Bad breath is the same thing. Gum or listerine packs are the best.

The most important smell that sets the tone for our time together is a fresh vagina. I can't tell you how many times I've been with a woman who simply didn't wash up before play time. It can be so unpleasant that it overtakes the whole experience.

One woman used essential oils after washing up and I'm telling you that was the best pussy ever.

De-forestation is OK when it comes to your bush. I like trimmed, shaved or waxed, but come at me with a full bush and I'm likely to run away screaming.

The most sexiest attribute I have found about a women is when they are comfortable with their body. I'm not saying you have to love it, and be cocky about it, I'm just saying that when you think of yourself as a sexy woman, with a lot to offer and you don't think about or talk about your insecurities (and trust me, we all have them) I have found that to be so damn irresistible.

A woman who is confident with herself, or at least portrays confidence is my biggest turn on.

How do you turn me off? Being too needy outside of the bedroom. There's a fine line between having your needs met and going overboard with them. A woman voicing her needs , and getting all those needs met becomes hard for me, like a burden. A woman saying, " I need to know that you were satisfied with that sex, or with my body" turns me off. I married needy. I know needy, I know all about a women who is has no self-confidence and hates her body in spite of that body being a "10". I lived with that. It isn't sexy. It's kind of like the too much drama thing.

If in the act of sex you have needs that aren't being met please, by all means, tell me. I'm doing my best to read your body and please you but sometimes I'm not getting any clues or signals and I can't read your mind.

Let's say for a moment that you don't have a perfect body. Even if you're not a "10" imagine that you are. Believe it. I've had a few partners, who were good at this, who didn't need to be told how great they were, or never worried about me coming back for more. I found that sexy and it made me want to go back for more.

Don't ask me "does my butt look good". Never doubt that you have a fine ass. Love your ass, love your body. The more you love it, the more I will love it too.

If we're in bed together naked and having sex, and I want to explore all of you, please don't tell me that some areas are off limits. I've been told many times that I couldn't touch in places because those places were reserved for men who had made some special mental (emotional) connection with you. I like to earn my rewards but withholding areas of your body from me because we're not dating or exclusive just doesn't make sense. Play with me, or don't play at all.

Us men are not hard to please. Stroke our egos occassionally but not too much. Tell us that we're appreciated and give us hugs occasionally. Tease us, kiss us, and you'll have us wrapped around your perfect body in no time.

Afterthought: I love the female body. When it comes to sex and pleasing women, I try to use both heads correctly although God gave me only enough blood for one to function at a time.

What would sex advice to women be without a comment from the Riff Dog. Ladies, can you guess what his single piece of advice is?

"No teeth during blowjobs". Yea, I can't disagree with that.

Ladies and gentlemen I invite you to leave a comment that would add to this post. I spoke personally and I'm sure there are many things I missed.

Listen Up Men!

When I first started reading blogs, I think it was Riff's that I saw first, then I found Ms. Inconspicuous. Their posts, along with others, are where I started getting some much needed knowledge, or ideas. The timing couldn't have been better because I needed to reinvent myself sexually, to evolve as a man, as a lover. Was I getting boring? Perhaps, but becoming more confident and taking charge in the bedroom was something that I was not good at. I'll admit it. Reading some great posts was a window into a whole new world that began with adventures like this one for me.

In the spirit of evolving sexually and finding oneself I came across this post on the best of Craigslist. You may agree with some of it and not with others, but I post this for all the men out there, like myself, who are willing, wanting to improve their game, their love life, or simply their fuckability. Men, we have a duty to lend each other tips, advice, and I am doing that today:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1363379397.html

Observations on sex from a woman

Just for giggles:

Warning Signs - Top 10

Two warnings off the bat. A) This post is a little bit longer than normal, and B) this post starts off with a negative tone but life is good so don't worry about me. :-) Surely everyone can relate to some of this stuff.

Signs that your spouse isn't that into you anymore:

1. When you try to give her a kiss she ever so slightly moves her lips away and gives you something closer to her cheek.
2. When you ask her to have sex she expects you to be hard, at full attention without having given you any stimulus to get that way. Translation = seduce yourself.
3. When you're not rock hard come sexy time, she's not happy with you. Foreplay is long gone. Daily affection has whithered away. "Hey if you want a hug, you have to ask me for one. I don't know when you want one."
4. She'd rather give you a hand-job than let you pound her, and not just occasionally but most of the time.
5. She'd rather make out with the "local" boy at the bar then fuck the shit out of you on a vacation to Baja Mexico when that trip was really supposed to be about the two of you "re-connecting".
6. She's more into women than you. Although that started off as something really kinky.
7. Sex is not fun anymore. There's no smiles, there's nothing happy about it. It appears to be more of a duty than a wild, reckless, passionate romp.
8. When you notice that she's giving you a blow job but really thinking about something else and wondering when you're gonna get through with it.
9. When she has no idea how sex, within a committed monogamous relationship was a means for how I connected with her. Like no comprehension.
10. When it's your b-day and you look over at her and talk about b-day sex and she says "yes, I'd like to have that, I'd like to do that for you, but first we need to talk, we need to connect more emotionally before I can do that. I can't have sex when we're not emotionally connected." So we talk for an hour, it's getting late, I'm late for work, and after going through that exercise with her, still no b-day sex. So yea #10 = no b-day sex.

#10 Reminds me of the largest circular problem in my marriage when we were still together. That problem was that she needed me to be "connected" to her, to her needs, to her world, for her to want to have sex with me. I needed her to have sex with me so that I could be connected to her, and want to listen to her. After sex I loved this woman even more than ever. The act itself made me feel more bonded with her. Visualize that circular diagram. We went round and round and usually ended up nowhere, meaning I could only give so much to maintain that emotional thing she needed and it usually wasn't enough for her to want to have sex.

Ironically as soon as our marriage opened up she could/would start having sex with guys to which she had very little attachment to. I asked her to explain that and the bullshit answer isn't even worth sharing here.

Please understand that I am not bitter anymore. I don't hate this woman. I can even look at her in the arms of another man and think good thoughts about her (this happened yesterday). Our relationship physically had just expired like some bad milk. Perhaps I am fully comfortable with her in another mans arms because I am free from all of those above things that haunted me, or maybe because I know that he now must deal with the drama and the personality that I have come to disengage with over the past two years. I am free from having to try to maintain that intense emotional connection she needed, free from having to wonder if we will ever have good sex again because we won't. I swear there were times where she simply needed a girlfriend and used me as a substitute. I am a good listener, but fuck there has to be a payoff in the end and when that payoff, which included sex, started to whither away, I realized that this was no longer a warning sign, it was the end.

Would I ever get married again? No way. I think the ideal relationship/lover is someone who you see two or three times a week, spending as much as 24 hours or even 48 hours together, or as little as 30 minutes, going back to your separate worlds but still keeping a good loving connection between the two of you when you're not seeing each other. Hell, I can't even imagine wanting to live with a woman right now. What I dream about is something simple, something like sitting on a back porch sharing the moonlight, holding hands, drinking a glass of wine, making out, and fucking till midnight. Yes, a little romance, yes, a lot of fucking, but at the end of the day, one of us goes back home.

Oh, and I'll never ever share a bathroom with my lover. Never. I think that kills things too. And please don't share things with me that happened in the bathroom. Wifey always loved to do that, and it's disgusting. I never wanted to hear about your bowel problems or triumphs.

* Btw, the link I shared for Cabo Surf Hotel is where we stayed and in spite of the issues we had at that time, that place was the best surfing I ever experienced. If the right woman comes along, I'll take her and fuck the shit out of her there. I need a re-do. Any volunteers?

HNT: Mirror Image

I looked in the mirror Saturday night as I was applying all kinds of fake blood to my face and getting ready for a good old fashioned Halloween party when suddenly I thought to myself, perhaps this is an image worthy of HNT. So here you go all you hot-sex-blogging-adulterating bitches, a mirror image of Dewey.



Go to the other site for more fun and games.

Valentine's Day

I hate romantic comedies. Life is never like a romantic comedy and when these types of movies are over I'm usually left sitting there thinking:
A) What's wrong with my life and why do I feel a little less better after watching this.
B) This movie was total bull-shit with the sex scenes like that and the woman getting her heel stuck in the street never happens ever. This fucking shit is unrealistic.
C) I would rather watch a drama that is more about the real life things that I think about and experience.

Then I saw this trailer and to be honest I can't decide if it's going to be any of the above. It plays a little to that "being alone on Valentine's Day" stigma that I think is even more bull-shit. It might be none of the above. We'll have to see. But perhaps you ladies will enjoy seeing this movie with all the eye candy:
Bradley Cooper - Patrick Dempsey - Jamie Foxx - Ashton Kutcher - Eric Dane

And guys there are a few hot girls in this one too.

HNT: Lucky

Sometimes I complain about all my problems but, when I look around and think about how great life is, I have to admit that I really am lucky. Some of my friends have traveled outside of this country and are adamant that we've got it pretty good here.

Who Approved This?

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Big Whoop Over Nuthin

My last post got more comments than almost any post I've done before. It seems that most of you thought that I should not mess around with the ex-wife of my wife's boy-fuck-toy, even though my wifey was the one to suggest it. Make sense? So what happened you ask? Did anything happen? The answer is no. In fact I never even met her anytime she was here, but I was totally ok with that. I spent the whole day with an old buddy of mine, playing ping-pong, foosball, drinking some beers, flirting with the ladies, and killing virtual animals on a video gamed called Big Buck Hunter Safari.

I hadn't seen my friend for about 4 months and reconnecting with him was far more satisfying of a day then perhaps what could have been with this other woman that never was. Make sense?

By the way, if you are familiar with the game at all, you'll know who this bitch is below.

Proposition: Is this one Weird?

Hot blogger friends, I need your answer to this question. Your time is limited so feel free to skip to the last two paragraphs.

Thank you to those that asked me to get back into the HNT spirit. It feels good. In fact I've had a very nice 4 days in a row now. I certainly wouldn't be back in the HNT saddle again if I wasn't feeling more like my happy-go-lucky-self. A huge reason why I am feeling better is because I let wifey know that I was very upset. Wifey and I got into a war of words on Sunday and it was the outlet I needed to get my frustrations off my chest. Not that I condone war, but I wasn't going to take it anymore. Neither of of us won this war, but that didn't matter. I said what needed to be said, even if she didn't want to hear it.

But really, I'm feeling better. I'm loving the on-line teasing, the flirting, and the (completely unrealistic) prospects of meeting some of my on-line crushes. Ok, well maybe not all of them are unrealistic. It's all a part of this crazy virtual world and its got my juices flowing again.

The reason I had to post today is because wifey propositioned me today for the darnedest fucking idea I have ever heard. Is this not twisted in some strange sense? Wifey has her boyfriend (boy-fuck-toy), who's got his ex-wife coming to town to visit for the weekend. Wifey tells me that so and so is coming, whom I've never met, and that the four of us should go out together. She tells me that her boyfriends ex really wants to get laid this weekend and that she's cute. huh? I fucking started to laugh on the phone. Are you kidding? You're setting me up with your boyfriends ex-wife? You're playing matchmaker now? After the yelling, cussing, and all that other heavy shit, you actually care about me getting fucked? I don't know what to make of that? It was just 2 weeks ago that I declared I would not socialize with her anymore. This is turning out like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode with polymory strings attached. Or not.

Besides, where would we all fuck anyways? He lives in a studio where his roommate sleeps on a couch and I frankly don't ever want to see wifey fucking anyone else ever again. Just don't need to see that. Nor do I want to see boy-toy naked. Now, his ex-wife, that might be different. Any thoughts??

HNT: Exposed

This past month I've exposed more of my inner-self than ever before. I have chosen this picture to now reveal more of my outer-self.



Make sure you go and visit Osbasso's to see who else is playing along half-nekkid this week!

Cock-Washer

Nope, no HNT from me today. I suppose you'll know that when you see another HNT from me that mentally, emotionally, and physically, I've returned to a more normal state.

Last weekend was wifey's birthday celebration. In fact, she's having an all out extended party lasting three weekends in a row. The first weekend was to Vegas, last weekend was the local party, and this coming weekend she'll go out for one overnight with her boyfriend. Add to that the fact that she's got a new job, and she's pretty much been busier then ever and I've had to pick up the job of parenting myself. Remember, its parenting four kids. They're good kids and young enough to not have found too much trouble but I've been busy lately.

To lessen up my workload I stopped seeing Tall-Chick. Thank you everyone for your support in my cutting that off. I'll tell you what I'll miss most about her. After we had sex, she would go to the bathroom, warm up the water, soak a towel in it, walk back to the bed, and completely clean my bits and pieces up. Yea, I'd never had a personal cock-washer before and she did such a nice job. She would tease it a bit too and get it hard again and that was always fun and giggles for her. So yea, I'm going to miss the cock-wash the most.

Ohh, she tempted me in such a bad way last weekend to come up to her place and take refuge for a night. She moved recently into the most beautiful house with an ocean view and I'm telling you that it was hard to say no, but alas, it was the right thing to do.

So wifey turned 40 and all of her family came in the past weekend surprising her for her birthday. I had been so literally overwhelmed by all the stuff lately that I really didn't even want to go to her bday party-dinner.

Fuck it.

That's kind of the nature of what I'm feeling toward her lately. I knew I would be uncomfortable there. Uncomfortable because I'm not mixing very well socially with her lately. We haven't announced to anyone in her family that we are going to get divorced. When her father got up to give a toast and referred to me and her, I wanted to stand up and exclaim that I wasn't technically really her partner anymore, but that the dude sitting right across from me, her on-off again boyfriend, was really the one fucking her and taking home the pussy prize. Me, I'm just the one that was dumb enough to pay for the new pussy, the vaginal rejuvenation, and breast job, but not really the one to enjoy the benefits of my investment. Ughh, oh yea, I haven't told you readers about the monies I've spent, before things went horribly wrong with wifey, and the economy, on all her "procedures" to fix what having four kids did to her body. That's a post for another time.

But you get the gist right? I'm there at a big table, lots of our friends, her family, and everyone, except a couple people, are expecting the two of us to dote over each other on this grand night, and I literally don't even want to be there. I'm ready for the secret to come out of the bag that we are simply parenting together and raising children but otherwise I've been over this woman for quite a while. So do I have a open marriage? Technically yes, but theoretically I can't stand to be around her, so what kind of marriage is that. It's not a marriage. At times lately I feel so imprisoned. Locked in a cage if you will. I can't run away from her and move on with my life because we have these wonderful kids that need us both. When we have that talk with our kids, which I will be pressing to happen real soon, and then we talk to our families, I think I'll feel just a little bit better. It will be progress.

Truthfully I need to feel better. I need to feel more like my happy go-lucky self. I've been in a place lately where all I can see is the negative, where I can't see how we're going to get out of debt when the spending isn't stopping, or where I can hardly envision falling in love again or having a relationship for that matter. Just having a fuck-buddy seems like a lot of work. Dewey's next HNT couldn't come any sooner.

What's Up With You Dewey?

I haven't talked much recently about where my head is at and what I've been up to. Some of you have been asking about me and I appreciate that. This Dewey has not been himself lately although that's not a bad thing its just that things are different now. I've been talking to wifey about getting a divorce, although we both will continue to stay in the house to raise the kids and I feel positive about that, about going through with that. It will be like a giant weight lifted and all my friends and family will know more about what's going on in my life. I'd like my parents to know for one thing. They'll know the real me just a little bit better. Most importantly my kids will know that mom and dad are not modeling a "normal" relationship. It's tricky and will require special attention to their emotional needs. Believe me when I say that my kids are the highest priority.

As for me? What trouble have I been into? Just a little bit. I'm still messing around with Tall Chick and although she understands that I can't have, or deal with, a real relationship at present, she has subtle expectations and has obvious hopes for something more which is a huge turn off for me. Managing expectations, or hopes, for anyone else is tricky and yet it shouldn't have to be. I laid out my case for what I was/am capable of and frankly a fuck-buddy is about it. She pushes the boundaries though and I tend to get freaked by it. Then she backs off. It's a stupid little game we play.

But the game, as much as I enjoy fucking, has got to end. I'm simply not that attracted to her. This is a huge problem for me. It's lifelong. I tend to settle for relationships or people, even when I'm not attracted. How lame is it, or how lame am I that this woman is always complementing me, telling me how "beautiful I am", or how my "eyes are gorgeous" and I can't reciprocate back. I just try and be polite.

She's even tossing around the "I love you's" but with this disclaimer that its more like "I love to be with you". Ughh. Ehh. Eww. Yuck. Not wanting that with her. She knows it too. I've told her. I'm not hiding anything from her, although I haven't come right out and said that I'm really not that attracted to you. Anyways, I have to end it (again) and soon. It's just getting lame and wearing me down.

I miss a little bit of who I was before I met her. Yes, I was searching for a partner, and possibly someone that would be more than a fuck-buddy but she's not it. She isn't what I'm looking for, and to be honest, I'm kind over searching for someone anyways. Its a cross between lack of libido, troubling financial times, and a pending divorce, so yea, my plate is full and I need to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

I've spent a lot of time on my blog describing various sexual positions or attributes of partners that I've had and most of it has been in a positive light. What I'm currently troubled by with Tall Chick is just strange to me. So here it goes:
1. She doesn't let anything near her pussy except my cock. She won't let me go down on her. I guess her vagina accepts cock but does not take my mouth. She said it was something to do with feeling close to me, like if we were more connected then she'd let me go down on her? WTF? This is not the first time I've heard this. Some women aren't comfortable letting a man go down on them until they feel more "attached" to that man. Why? What the hell? You undoubtedly love to give me blow jobs but I insist on eating your pussy so why do you have to lock your legs like that? I love pussy. I get it that some women don't let men go down on them at all. I met one of you one time. Fine, you thinks its gross, but those of you that wait to give VIP access based upon your emotional needs being fulfilled are an enigma to me.
2. The sex is just OK. It isn't anything exciting. She has a nice body but adventurous she is not.
3. She likes to talk during sex and a lot afterwards. In fact she likes to talk all the time. When she opens her mouth I'm reminded of the YouTube video of the girl (baby) that can't stop talking. It's a crack up. I actually hear the baby while Tall-Chick is talking. That's gotta be a bad sign.

So I need to end it once and for all. I'd even rather go back to that damn old bitch Ashley Madison just to engage in the occasional NSA attached encounters. Yes, I miss those and I miss feeling sexually charged, invigorated. I miss wanting to go to the gym and feeling motivated to work out. I go sporadically but I'm not going consistently. I miss enjoying coming to my blog and posting about stuff. I miss thinking about things like Hot Blogger Island.

If you feel inspired to leave me a comment, possibly you could remind me that I'm going to end it once and for all and move on. That would be encouraging. Thanks for reading this far and for being such a supportive community.

**Update - as of two hours from writing this post I officially ended it with Tall Chick and now I'll be thinking about returning to my normal self, my normally scheduled programming**

Breast Awareness

I was a boy scout, and yes, I even went as far as getting my eagle scout badge, but had I known that I could have done breast exams for my project I would have gone in that direction.

Random Blogger Bullet Points

I think its silly that when leaving comments for others that we have to type this code word to finalize the process. You know what I'm talking about, that silly nonsensical cluster of letters that usually doesn't mean a thing. I guess its some kind of spammer tool, but really, are any of us getting hit by spammers? I'd like to propose a change with those that use that tool. I don't use it btw because I like to save anyone who comments some time. But when the word comes up, it should have something to do with the post. I want to type in words that have some meaning related to the post I just read, such as blowjob (not really a word), or cuntsucker, or fuck. Yea, fuck is a good one.

Blogger reciprocity is an interesting phenomena. I'm talking about this compulsion I feel when responding to people who have left me comments. I have to respond to comments, and or I have to leave comments on their posts. I have to. Sometimes I love it, but sometimes I feel as though its a responsibility and just needs to get done. When I first started blogging the comments were how I got noticed and were important to me. There were a couple blogs that I read religiously and left comments with all the time. But because they never took the time to read my blog, and leave comments as proof, then I dropped them and moved on to people who reciprocated. Is this common? It leads me back to the discussion of why we blog, or why I blog, in the first place. Do I do it to get noticed/attention or do I have no expectations of anyone and do it for myself wholeheartedly. I'd like to think its more of the latter than the former.

And then there are those weeks where I remove myself completely from this virtual world. That happened this past month. There was no motivation or enthusiasm for logging in. I feel guilt for acting that way because I feel like I'm abandoning good people and that they'll ditch me for not staying connected. Maybe I have some crazy expectations or maybe I'm overthinking it all. I'm sure that the friends that I've made here lately are secure enough in our friendship that if I disappear for a while that it's all ok, and reasonable. No one has told me otherwise.

Finally a quick hello, a smile, and a nod of appreciation to those of you that have become my friends over the past 4 months. You guys rock.