Friday, August 14, 2009

HBI - Hot Blogger Island

I have a vivid imagination, and as it turns out so do many of the lovely blogger ladies out there too. Why not? I mean, this is the place that many of us fantasize, flirt, and lust. Many of you, my hot blogstresses, are consummate flirts here and say things you wouldn't otherwise say or verbalize in the real world. Yes, the virtual world has its advantages and I must say that I enjoy the fruits of your anonymity. And by fruits I mean, the naughty shit you tell me. Yep, give it to me. As Madonna so rightfully sang recently:

Got no boundaries and no limits
If there's excitement, put me in it
If it's against the law, arrest me
If you can handle it, undress me

Don't stop me now, don't need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When the lights go down and there's no one left
I can go on and on and on

Give it to me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it to me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

I digressed a bit, but fuck, Madonna, how do you do it after all these years?

Anyways, let me get to the point of this post. I call it Hot Blogger Island HBI. I propose a safe place to take virtual into reality. Yep, its another fantasy, but it involves all of you out there who make me so fucking happy, and who have fulfilled my life in a new way that I didn't think possible.

HBI exists somewhere in my imagination between American health standards, Caribbean tranquility, and Vietnamese tropical exoticism. There's a warm tropical breeze all day and night, just enough to cool the sweat from the hot sun. Yes, the weather is amazing . . . perfect. It's hot, but we have showers placed within every 20 sq feet of the island so you can cool off, clean up, get the sand off, and be ready for your next adventure.

There's plenty of activities to do on this island but before we talk about them I have to focus on the main purpose of HBI. HBI is where we can live our fantasies. It's a safe place to indulge your sexual appetites, to send those neurons firing toward the hypothalamus. Whatever your fantasies are, come to the island, and live it. Have it. Maybe it involves seduction, or a romantic hike through a rain forest that ends at a "screensaver" type waterfall. Yep, the water is warm in these parts, I think its about 80 degrees. Get undressed and swim naked. Not half-nekkid, but completely let yourself go. This is the place for that. You are beautiful here, and never question yourself or doubt your looks. Your confidence here is unlike it has ever been anywhere else. You are truly beautiful.

HBI is a place for fucking. It smells like ocean, sand, and fuck. The smell of hot sex permeates the grounds. This island is designated an 'All Fuck Zone'. Even the monkeys and rabbits are jealous. But that's the only case where jealousy is accepted or tolerated. Bring your husbands ladies, or your boyfriends, or your Jude Laws, George Clooney's, but leave the ones at home that get jealous or possessive. Or just come by yourself, because that works for me too. This is a place where sex is exchanged around the clock and everyone, everyone in my community is happily actively sharing. Share yourself, your body, your gorgeous parts, those eyes, that luscious ass, those perfect arms, and that ever so willing cunt with me. Give it to me. You will be so happy that you came here. I will take care of you. No need will go unmet. Do you need your clit licked while I plunge a vibrator toy into you? Do you need this for 2.5 hours? I'm happy to oblige.

Fucking for 24-7-365 is not literally possible from the last time I checked Guinness Book of World Records, so we have other activities to do while we recharge those triple X batteries. There's hot stone massage, Swedish, aromatherapy, and Shiatsu. We have sports of all sorts, including volleyball, tennis, snorkeling, scuba, and surfing. We even have a nice gym with whatever class is currently tickling your fancy here at home. There exists the finest foods and chefs on this island. Every aspect of human hedonism is embraced. We eat, drink, sleep, and fuck, all of that in reverse order. There will be occasions to get very dressed up so bring your best dresses and hottest shoes. I happen to like the Jimmy Choo line myself. There will be dancing and loud music as well. Yes, I can cut it up on the dance floor. Can you?

Ladies, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking this sounds perfect, that being on this island with Dewey sounds wonderful, but what about . . . what about . . . shopping? 'I still need to shop'. I've got that covered too. There's a bridge, about 30 minutes long that takes you back into the malls, the Macy's, the Nordies, the Bloomingdale's, but, sorry Wal-Mart isn't one of them. You can even meet up with your unwilling, inhibited girlfriends for some social time, since you all seem to need that, but please don't be gone for too long. I'm already missing those nice breasts, the great conversation, and that smile of yours with those very round cheeks that melts me. Honey, you know who you are, so get back here to my hut ASAP.

This is the tricky part here. Who's invited? I would like to open the invitation to everyone that has flirted with me, complimented me, commented on me, texted me, or connected with me on some level. I adore you ladies, and yes, some of you I hope to remain friends with forever. If we just recently met on-line, chances are I don't have a hut with your name on it, but never fear, we can always build a bigger island. And yes, I do have room for a couple of men, but sorry guys you'll have to sleep out in the life boats because we're running out of room. Yes Riff Dog, I'm talking to you.

Here's a napkin drawing of the island, with some of the amenities. You'll need to click on it to see the details. Please feel free to add input as you deem necessary. This is a work in progress. By the time its ready to go to the planning commission I hope that everyone has participated in its evolution. It's my "happy place". Oh, did I tell you that I have a big imagination?


Anonymous said...

Packing my bag now, and bringing the "slut slapper."

Sexie Sadie~ said...

Lol... You are too funny. I was all in until you banished Riff to the lifeboat. How in the world is one penis supposed to serve all of us women, huh? ;)

Nice positioning on the huts in relationship to yours. You have just given away the pecking order of your blog crushes, ya know ;)


Riff Dog said...

I wouldn't let that idiot Riff Dog on the island either. You have to have some standards, after all.

Eva said...

I need to move there ASAP. where do I sign? But wait, where is the bar? put it rignt next to me, please. I'll bring my very own George Clooney, just in case you're busy with the harem.

Kate said...

Oh, my dear, sweet Dewey. Just when I thought you had hit the peak of oh so fucking charming, you've outdone yourself yet again. I cannot help but wonder if I have two huts: one for the sweet, innocent Kate who wants to be seduced, gently. And one for the wild Kate that wants to conquer all.

I was actually kinda hoping not to have a hut. Couldn't I just stay in yours? As a kind of perma-concubine? :)

Anonymous said...

Kate, i see Dewey put one of your huts near mine, so we can have that Dewey/Bitchtits/Kate sandwich you dreamed about.

Gray said...

Oh my lord, that is a great idea! A little too much time on your hands perhaps but well worth the giggle!

Hubman said...

I see a "V" hut just south of yours. Is that for my wife Veronica? I'll happily share her with you, as long as I can come as well, but I will NOT sleep on a life boat!

Brilliant idea!

Lilly said...

That does sound wonderful! I hope you all have fun on it ;)

I'm quite pleased you specifically excluded WalMart.

Rainy said...

Hmm..I'm not sure how many bags I should pack. It sure looks like a fun place to be.


Library Vixen said...

love the map.

Sexy PTA Mom said...

Dewey, Dewey, Dewey!! Have you been invading my dreams again? I do think you might need to let Riff have some island space too, though. ;p

Black Pearl said...

Pack bags?? Um, weren't we all reading, this is an island for fuckery! Who needs to pack anything with the stores just 30 minutes away ;-)

I booked my flight already, see you all there!!!

Anonymous said...

OK, Mr. Decimal, meet me just south of the "fuck zone" please??? I have a little something I wanna show you.....


Dewey's System said...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, our flight departs in two hours, and as was suggested you don't need to pack anything. Anything and everything you need will be readily available, however if you have a favorite naughty toy "slut slapper" please do share.

SS - I don't know what you mean about pecking order, or blog crushes? I don't have any crushes or random fantasies about hot bloggers. Or wait, maybe I do, and maybe your hut should just be right on top of mine, like the 2nd story

Riff - you've been given a one night island pass from Sadie and Grace. Please use it wisely. Then get back to your lifeboat

Eva - I left out the bar, but assumed that you knew there would be a bar placed in every 20 sq ft. on the island. Whatever you want and as much as you'd like. I'm guessing you're a tequila girl

Kate - You have an honorary bed in my hut. Stay as long as you like

MBTY - Sandwiches can be so delicious at 1am. Can you make me one?

Gray - thanks for the reminder that I should probably be doing something of productive value and not just daydreaming from my office desk

Hubman - We've read so much about you, so now it's your turn to impress us with your "skills". So yes, come, bring Veronica, and I'll be your cheerleader if you need one

Rainy - Just bring that hot body of yours and we'll take care of all of your needs. All of us will. You wouldn't mind about 20 hands all over you would you?

LV - Thanks for the love. Sending it back to you

Grace - if only we could invade each other's dreams, and maybe each others personal space . . . hmmmm

Black Pearl - you get it!! You get my fantasy and I like that about you. Fuckery indeed. Just bring that hot bod of yours too and we shall worship it

SG - Waiting, anticipation, baited breath, can't stand it, and yet I can only imagine what you'll be showing me. Fuck!!

wifegonebad said...

How in the hell did I miss this post!?! I hope you haven't given my hut to someone else? That's OK, if she's willing to share, I am too. ;->