I'm going to depart for a moment today from my usual recklessness and lustful attitude and admit that I need to work on something. I want to work on something, and yet I don't want to quit it altogether because when done properly (if there is such a place/time) can be fun.
I have been drinking too much lately.
There, I said it. I need to take a look at why and cut back from it. I don't want to quit because the occasional social drink is really nice, but its the getting hammered at home, where my kids can see me that has me more worried. It's when I go too far and send a text to a friend late at night only to have her so pissed and angry at me that she wants me to get out of her life for good. Yes, that happened and it was a bummer. It's bumming me out today. The loss of a friend because of a random late drunk text is really sad to me. Sad enough to drive me here and confess that I need to take this seriously and get a grip.
Why do I do it? Why isn't it that one or two isn't enough for me? Why do I drink like 4 or 5 beers every night? I don't think its totally out of control for me (I think all alcoholics probably say that), but I could see a train wreck up ahead if I don't make changes now, today, cut back, and replace this bad habit with a more productive one.
For the reasons that I need to examine in my psyche this started about 6 months ago. Coincidentally, about 6 months ago, while I was an occasional drinker, and I was in fabulous physical shape. You could say I had peaked for what I wanted in terms of health and a good body. It's also the time I realized that while I wanted out of my marriage, I was going to stay in the same home with my wife and raise the kids with her. So, I have some things to work through and I'm telling you all here because I can, and because I want to remind myself every day that I have so much to be grateful for and that life is quite good right now. Life is very good, and there's no reason to fuck it up with an out of control drinking problem.
Ironically I didn't have the nerve to start this blog until one afternoon in May when I had drunk a couple beers. Now I'm writing this post in Aug and I'm telling myself, reminding myself, pleading with myself, to get a handle on it and nip it in the bud, now before I hurt anyone else including myself any further.
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