Cock-Washer

Nope, no HNT from me today. I suppose you'll know that when you see another HNT from me that mentally, emotionally, and physically, I've returned to a more normal state.

Last weekend was wifey's birthday celebration. In fact, she's having an all out extended party lasting three weekends in a row. The first weekend was to Vegas, last weekend was the local party, and this coming weekend she'll go out for one overnight with her boyfriend. Add to that the fact that she's got a new job, and she's pretty much been busier then ever and I've had to pick up the job of parenting myself. Remember, its parenting four kids. They're good kids and young enough to not have found too much trouble but I've been busy lately.

To lessen up my workload I stopped seeing Tall-Chick. Thank you everyone for your support in my cutting that off. I'll tell you what I'll miss most about her. After we had sex, she would go to the bathroom, warm up the water, soak a towel in it, walk back to the bed, and completely clean my bits and pieces up. Yea, I'd never had a personal cock-washer before and she did such a nice job. She would tease it a bit too and get it hard again and that was always fun and giggles for her. So yea, I'm going to miss the cock-wash the most.

Ohh, she tempted me in such a bad way last weekend to come up to her place and take refuge for a night. She moved recently into the most beautiful house with an ocean view and I'm telling you that it was hard to say no, but alas, it was the right thing to do.

So wifey turned 40 and all of her family came in the past weekend surprising her for her birthday. I had been so literally overwhelmed by all the stuff lately that I really didn't even want to go to her bday party-dinner.

Fuck it.

That's kind of the nature of what I'm feeling toward her lately. I knew I would be uncomfortable there. Uncomfortable because I'm not mixing very well socially with her lately. We haven't announced to anyone in her family that we are going to get divorced. When her father got up to give a toast and referred to me and her, I wanted to stand up and exclaim that I wasn't technically really her partner anymore, but that the dude sitting right across from me, her on-off again boyfriend, was really the one fucking her and taking home the pussy prize. Me, I'm just the one that was dumb enough to pay for the new pussy, the vaginal rejuvenation, and breast job, but not really the one to enjoy the benefits of my investment. Ughh, oh yea, I haven't told you readers about the monies I've spent, before things went horribly wrong with wifey, and the economy, on all her "procedures" to fix what having four kids did to her body. That's a post for another time.

But you get the gist right? I'm there at a big table, lots of our friends, her family, and everyone, except a couple people, are expecting the two of us to dote over each other on this grand night, and I literally don't even want to be there. I'm ready for the secret to come out of the bag that we are simply parenting together and raising children but otherwise I've been over this woman for quite a while. So do I have a open marriage? Technically yes, but theoretically I can't stand to be around her, so what kind of marriage is that. It's not a marriage. At times lately I feel so imprisoned. Locked in a cage if you will. I can't run away from her and move on with my life because we have these wonderful kids that need us both. When we have that talk with our kids, which I will be pressing to happen real soon, and then we talk to our families, I think I'll feel just a little bit better. It will be progress.

Truthfully I need to feel better. I need to feel more like my happy go-lucky self. I've been in a place lately where all I can see is the negative, where I can't see how we're going to get out of debt when the spending isn't stopping, or where I can hardly envision falling in love again or having a relationship for that matter. Just having a fuck-buddy seems like a lot of work. Dewey's next HNT couldn't come any sooner.

What's Up With You Dewey?

I haven't talked much recently about where my head is at and what I've been up to. Some of you have been asking about me and I appreciate that. This Dewey has not been himself lately although that's not a bad thing its just that things are different now. I've been talking to wifey about getting a divorce, although we both will continue to stay in the house to raise the kids and I feel positive about that, about going through with that. It will be like a giant weight lifted and all my friends and family will know more about what's going on in my life. I'd like my parents to know for one thing. They'll know the real me just a little bit better. Most importantly my kids will know that mom and dad are not modeling a "normal" relationship. It's tricky and will require special attention to their emotional needs. Believe me when I say that my kids are the highest priority.

As for me? What trouble have I been into? Just a little bit. I'm still messing around with Tall Chick and although she understands that I can't have, or deal with, a real relationship at present, she has subtle expectations and has obvious hopes for something more which is a huge turn off for me. Managing expectations, or hopes, for anyone else is tricky and yet it shouldn't have to be. I laid out my case for what I was/am capable of and frankly a fuck-buddy is about it. She pushes the boundaries though and I tend to get freaked by it. Then she backs off. It's a stupid little game we play.

But the game, as much as I enjoy fucking, has got to end. I'm simply not that attracted to her. This is a huge problem for me. It's lifelong. I tend to settle for relationships or people, even when I'm not attracted. How lame is it, or how lame am I that this woman is always complementing me, telling me how "beautiful I am", or how my "eyes are gorgeous" and I can't reciprocate back. I just try and be polite.

She's even tossing around the "I love you's" but with this disclaimer that its more like "I love to be with you". Ughh. Ehh. Eww. Yuck. Not wanting that with her. She knows it too. I've told her. I'm not hiding anything from her, although I haven't come right out and said that I'm really not that attracted to you. Anyways, I have to end it (again) and soon. It's just getting lame and wearing me down.

I miss a little bit of who I was before I met her. Yes, I was searching for a partner, and possibly someone that would be more than a fuck-buddy but she's not it. She isn't what I'm looking for, and to be honest, I'm kind over searching for someone anyways. Its a cross between lack of libido, troubling financial times, and a pending divorce, so yea, my plate is full and I need to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

I've spent a lot of time on my blog describing various sexual positions or attributes of partners that I've had and most of it has been in a positive light. What I'm currently troubled by with Tall Chick is just strange to me. So here it goes:
1. She doesn't let anything near her pussy except my cock. She won't let me go down on her. I guess her vagina accepts cock but does not take my mouth. She said it was something to do with feeling close to me, like if we were more connected then she'd let me go down on her? WTF? This is not the first time I've heard this. Some women aren't comfortable letting a man go down on them until they feel more "attached" to that man. Why? What the hell? You undoubtedly love to give me blow jobs but I insist on eating your pussy so why do you have to lock your legs like that? I love pussy. I get it that some women don't let men go down on them at all. I met one of you one time. Fine, you thinks its gross, but those of you that wait to give VIP access based upon your emotional needs being fulfilled are an enigma to me.
2. The sex is just OK. It isn't anything exciting. She has a nice body but adventurous she is not.
3. She likes to talk during sex and a lot afterwards. In fact she likes to talk all the time. When she opens her mouth I'm reminded of the YouTube video of the girl (baby) that can't stop talking. It's a crack up. I actually hear the baby while Tall-Chick is talking. That's gotta be a bad sign.

So I need to end it once and for all. I'd even rather go back to that damn old bitch Ashley Madison just to engage in the occasional NSA attached encounters. Yes, I miss those and I miss feeling sexually charged, invigorated. I miss wanting to go to the gym and feeling motivated to work out. I go sporadically but I'm not going consistently. I miss enjoying coming to my blog and posting about stuff. I miss thinking about things like Hot Blogger Island.

If you feel inspired to leave me a comment, possibly you could remind me that I'm going to end it once and for all and move on. That would be encouraging. Thanks for reading this far and for being such a supportive community.

**Update - as of two hours from writing this post I officially ended it with Tall Chick and now I'll be thinking about returning to my normal self, my normally scheduled programming**

I Love You Wifey - Part I

I married a pretty cool chick. Yes indeed. And yes at times I feel the polar opposite of that feeling but occassionally, such as last night, I do take a moment to tell her I love her and tell her how much I appreciate her. As we were having our monthly "partner round-table" discussion about our kids and about our family, I couldn't help but for the moment to feel joy and to feel as though my place in life is nice. It's good. Certainly we could divorce now, as I've talked about before but we don't want to put our kids through that. However, we also don't want to mislead them, or to have them think that we are modeling a "healthy loving marriage/relationship". Because it simply isn't that. So it will be forthcoming to our children soon that mom and dad love each other, and love them, but that we're not "in love" with each other.

At some point we'll get a divorce, but it isn't necessary for now. We can all live under the same roof and our family stays intact.

We'll be seeking the assistance of a professional in how we word it to them. The wording is very very important and I suppose when we take each child at a time and discuss it with them that it will be a moment they will never ever forget. We want to do our best to make that moment is as positive and reassuring to them as can be. Their emotional well being is the most important priority. More to come on that as it begins to unfold.

So I started to write this post as a term of endearment for wifey and I want to share something nice that she did for me when we still had a sexual connection. It was my birthday two years ago and she took me to this cute little bar on the pier in our cozy beach town. We were sitting drinking a beer for nearly 20 minutes and talking about the surroundings and people in the bar. As we're talking I look across the room and notice a female that stood out for the obvious reason that she was smoking hot, but also because she seemed somewhat familiar. So familiar that I had to get up and go over to see if I knew her. As I approached her and we made eye contact I was blown away with delight and shear surprise. I can still remember this moment as if it were in slow motion. You see wifey invited a special friend (blondie) of ours from college to be with us for the weekend. She flew her in to town from out of state.

Wifey knew that I had a crush on blondie and she spent a few months planning this special surprise for me. Dewey was in fucking blonde, hot ass/tits heaven. But more than that I had two gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, smart women as my companions for the weekend. Can you imagine what I was thinking when guys at the bars were trying to hit on both of them? 'Sorry dude, they're both with me, and both are going home with me. Better luck next time Joe Blow.' Yes, it was Wifey-Dewey-Blondie. Now that was a sandwich I could eat all day and night. Believe me when I say that I could never get full on that meal.

We dance-party all night the first night and head back to the hotel. The girls get giggly and a bit nervous. This was blondies first time with a couple. The lights are low, the music is soft, and the girls get comfortable on the bed in their bra and panties. They start to kiss each other and I'm laying right beside them.

Fuck!! Just a fucking gorgeous site. Trust me when I say this site blows the socks off any sunset, landscape, wonders-of-the-world type phenomena. Fuck you Grand Canyon, I have two hot bitches in bed with me.

I start to undo their bra's while they are kissing and when their tits are touching I'm so giddy with hard-on delight. This is pretzel zone here where bodies are intertwined, wet pussies everywhere, mouths all over the place, and one stiff cock at attention. I remember everything so vividly, because frankly what dumbass wouldn't when this is happening. At one moment wifey is laying down on her back and I'm thrusting my appreciative cock inside her when I'm overcome with a warm sensation underneath me. What?? Huh? I look down and blondie is underneath me. She has taken my balls into her mouth and is using her fingers around my ass. Yes, her wet fingers are circling that area while my balls are in her mouth and my cock is in wifey's pussy. A special moment, brought to you by the phrase "fuck me".

This kind of action continued for another hour or so, and wifey collapsed into sleep from shear exhaustion yet blondie wasn't done nor was my love missile. I had more targets to fire on and more firepower left in me. We fucked until we collapsed, or until the sun came up. I'm not quite sure about that. I am quite sure though that I couldn't have gotten enough of her because when morning arrived, and wifey left us for an hour to run an errand (wink wink), I did indeed commence into more fun. Too much fun. More than any man should have.

Dewey came, and came again and returned the favor over and over again. The first orgasm that I gave her was with both of my hands. One hand using my fingers to fill her insides with and the other hand meticulously cirling and massaging her clit. As she started to get close to climaxing I lightly started to slap her her clit and she loved it. Her orgasm building and both my hands working her furiously with our tongues connected I started to vigorously slap her clit like a bad bug bite and she ate it up. Her orgasm so intense that she started shaking, and crying. It was the happy cry. It was the, 'I haven't ever orgasmed like that before' cry. She was happy and so was I.

We packed up our stuff, went out to eat together and drove to the City of Angels for what would be an even a more climactic and fun filled addition to the weekend. Stay tuned for part two of this weekend story. Trust me, you don't want to miss it. How can you not love a woman that plans all this shit out for you?

Get a Grip Dewey

I'm going to depart for a moment today from my usual recklessness and lustful attitude and admit that I need to work on something. I want to work on something, and yet I don't want to quit it altogether because when done properly (if there is such a place/time) can be fun.

I have been drinking too much lately.

There, I said it. I need to take a look at why and cut back from it. I don't want to quit because the occasional social drink is really nice, but its the getting hammered at home, where my kids can see me that has me more worried. It's when I go too far and send a text to a friend late at night only to have her so pissed and angry at me that she wants me to get out of her life for good. Yes, that happened and it was a bummer. It's bumming me out today. The loss of a friend because of a random late drunk text is really sad to me. Sad enough to drive me here and confess that I need to take this seriously and get a grip.

Why do I do it? Why isn't it that one or two isn't enough for me? Why do I drink like 4 or 5 beers every night? I don't think its totally out of control for me (I think all alcoholics probably say that), but I could see a train wreck up ahead if I don't make changes now, today, cut back, and replace this bad habit with a more productive one.

For the reasons that I need to examine in my psyche this started about 6 months ago. Coincidentally, about 6 months ago, while I was an occasional drinker, and I was in fabulous physical shape. You could say I had peaked for what I wanted in terms of health and a good body. It's also the time I realized that while I wanted out of my marriage, I was going to stay in the same home with my wife and raise the kids with her. So, I have some things to work through and I'm telling you all here because I can, and because I want to remind myself every day that I have so much to be grateful for and that life is quite good right now. Life is very good, and there's no reason to fuck it up with an out of control drinking problem.

Ironically I didn't have the nerve to start this blog until one afternoon in May when I had drunk a couple beers. Now I'm writing this post in Aug and I'm telling myself, reminding myself, pleading with myself, to get a handle on it and nip it in the bud, now before I hurt anyone else including myself any further.

In the Beginning

My marriage is a failure. So say many of the people I know, or who I've known, that got a divorce. This describes, in my best guess all divorced couples and a good portion of couples still together. This is Dewey's theory. Monogamy is a bitch. My marriage, on the other hand, has evolved. It is unconventional in most peoples eyes. Some of my critically judgemental friends (just a few of those) think that the way I live is bad for my kids. They think the kids would be better off with separated parents since wife and I don't have a physical relationship at all. But then, some of them admit that they haven't been married as long as me so 'who are they to judge'. And they're right. You can't judge when you haven't lived in my shoes.

Our world into this open relationship began a couple years ago. We had recently come out of a heavy religion, one which consumes your life almost wholeheartedly. I grew up in this religion and missed out on many great experiences. Many!! So we left together and suddenly this whole new world opened up. It started with some nervous communication. We started talking about people that we had crushes on, people we would consider fucking. Those discussions became more like negotiations and we established rules, some of which were very similar to these ones posted by Sadie.

The first time we played together with an outside person was the fulfillment of one of her fantasies. She picked, with my approval, a very good looking young man, law school student. We picked him up and drove him to Vegas. She had met him once before so he wasn't a complete stranger. As I drove the car, he played in the backseat with her. I watched in the rearview mirror with shear pleasure. I could watch people fucking all day and even with my wife straddling this lucky young lad in the backseat I had no feeling of jealousy or possessiveness. I was, and continue to this day, to be happy for her to explore her sexual needs and desires. Its a mutually accepted practice in our marriage. This could only work if both of us wanted the other to be happy. Simple yet real. She's fucking in the backseat, the car is bouncing up and down, and she arches back to kiss me while I keep one eye on the road. It was a defining moment for us.

That trip was an unforgettable weekend. I fucked this woman that we had joining us later. She was a model from Europe, with a thick accent. We all shared a room together and had a perfect orgie of sweaty bodies hot pussies and cocks galore. My first time having two woman together, and so many other things. I knew then that I could get used to this, that I could find my 2nd life here in my mid thirties.

My wife and I had many more adventures together after that first Vegas weekend. Some together and some apart. We continued discussing the rules and things were working out well. At some point our thirst, our attraction for each other faded. We lost the spark. It happens. Some people say that open relationships never last. That's possible. For now, for our kids sake, we'll stay partners in parenting and keep them as our main focus. I think we owe them that.

Am I sad that we fell out of lust for each other? Yes and no. Yes because dreams that I had as a young naïve man are no longer, and no because we are living our lives and we're doing it successfully. I can pursue just about whatever path I want. She's got her boyfriend and perhaps I too will find what I am looking for. Whether it be a miraculous one night stand, or a steady girlfriend. I'm open to anything.

Meeting Wife's New Boyfriend Tonight

A week ago wifey tells Dewey that she's got a new boyfriend. Now, I know what you must be thinking, you're thinking that she's announcing that she's leaving me and taking the kids, and starting a new life over again. Well, maybe that announcement will be forthcoming, but right now we have an arrangement. And god damn if I'm not fucking loving it. I get to go out and meet new people, new girls anytime and do whatever I want. Fuck you monogamy. I win.

Truth be told, I have wanted wifey to find someone and find happiness. She hasn't been happy with me, for various reasons, for many years. So right now, we're both equally happy for the other to find what they're looking for. Over the past two years, I've had a few short term relationships, but nothing lasting longer than 3 months. And during all that time we had agreed that we would stick together and live together as a family for our kids sake. Yea, you gotta loves those little ones. I think they do better when they have two parents present and getting along, than with two parents fighting all the time or getting divorced. So we're partners in parenting, for now.

The other day I took down our wedding picture in the master bedroom. I just didn't want to look at that. It was 15 years ago, I don't recognize those people at all. And while I love my wife and exist in this newly developed friendship we have, I also have some sadness for what never fully materialized. In other words, I still mourn for us. It's the classic you can't live with them, can't live without them. So, we're just putting a new spin on that, you can live with them and you will. But I also feel like a giant weight has been lifted. Let this new man provide whatever it is for her that I could never be.

So she told me about him, and while I have seen him, I've never socialized with him or hung out. I told her I wanted to. I suggested it. God damn it, why can't we all be friends? Let's give it a try at least. On a related note, we have had this "open" relationship for about two-three years now. Some people succeed with it, and others don't. But if you have two people that really care about each other and communicate about everything, then why can't more people try and be less conventional and more open minded? The religious people are going to all freak out at this, and conservatives think what they will, but if we can keep jealousy and possessiveness out of it, then maybe it could work, for some of us. Why are we as a society led to believe that we are better off getting married, staying monogamous, and till death do us part? I'm not advocating a nationwide orgy, but I do think we can love more than one person and find things to love about many people at once.

People are bored. I see so many marriages where the spouses are like zombies. They walk around without any passion for life and fantasize about being with someone else. I love the German politicians idea of changing marriage to a short term commitment, at least in the eyes of the government. She was advocating making marriage a 10 year contract between parties and doing away with the old one. That makes a lot of fucking sense to me. The only thing I feel firmly about in this idea, is that if you have kids, you make them the first priority over any partner/lover. My kids do come first and they're emotional well being and security are my highest priority. They don't know a thing about wifey and Dewey. We keep a tight lid on it.

Also I think people would take much better care of themselves, if they had "permission" to date other people. This nations biggest health problem is obesity. I admit that prior to this arrangement I was about 15 lbs. overweight, and when I realized that I could be with other women I got my ass a gym membership and got to work on my bod. Not everyone is going to do that, but others might react that way and lose weight, making themselves more attractive, and cutting the lbs. So reason #112 for open relationships, cut down our nations health care costs. Someone please submit that to congress.

So yes, he's coming over in about 4 hours. He's coming with about 10 other guests so that its not just the three adults there. Will we become friends and all hang out together down the road? It looks hopeful.