I haven't talked much recently about where my head is at and what I've been up to. Some of you have been asking about me and I appreciate that. This Dewey has not been himself lately although that's not a bad thing its just that things are different now. I've been talking to wifey about getting a divorce, although we both will continue to stay in the house to raise the kids and I feel positive about that, about going through with that. It will be like a giant weight lifted and all my friends and family will know more about what's going on in my life. I'd like my parents to know for one thing. They'll know the real me just a little bit better. Most importantly my kids will know that mom and dad are not modeling a "normal" relationship. It's tricky and will require special attention to their emotional needs. Believe me when I say that my kids are the highest priority.
As for me? What trouble have I been into? Just a little bit. I'm still messing around with Tall Chick and although she understands that I can't have, or deal with, a real relationship at present, she has subtle expectations and has obvious hopes for something more which is a huge turn off for me. Managing expectations, or hopes, for anyone else is tricky and yet it shouldn't have to be. I laid out my case for what I was/am capable of and frankly a fuck-buddy is about it. She pushes the boundaries though and I tend to get freaked by it. Then she backs off. It's a stupid little game we play.
But the game, as much as I enjoy fucking, has got to end. I'm simply not that attracted to her. This is a huge problem for me. It's lifelong. I tend to settle for relationships or people, even when I'm not attracted. How lame is it, or how lame am I that this woman is always complementing me, telling me how "beautiful I am", or how my "eyes are gorgeous" and I can't reciprocate back. I just try and be polite.
She's even tossing around the "I love you's" but with this disclaimer that its more like "I love to be with you". Ughh. Ehh. Eww. Yuck. Not wanting that with her. She knows it too. I've told her. I'm not hiding anything from her, although I haven't come right out and said that I'm really not that attracted to you. Anyways, I have to end it (again) and soon. It's just getting lame and wearing me down.
I miss a little bit of who I was before I met her. Yes, I was searching for a partner, and possibly someone that would be more than a fuck-buddy but she's not it. She isn't what I'm looking for, and to be honest, I'm kind over searching for someone anyways. Its a cross between lack of libido, troubling financial times, and a pending divorce, so yea, my plate is full and I need to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.
I've spent a lot of time on my blog describing various sexual positions or attributes of partners that I've had and most of it has been in a positive light. What I'm currently troubled by with Tall Chick is just strange to me. So here it goes:
1. She doesn't let anything near her pussy except my cock. She won't let me go down on her. I guess her vagina accepts cock but does not take my mouth. She said it was something to do with feeling close to me, like if we were more connected then she'd let me go down on her? WTF? This is not the first time I've heard this. Some women aren't comfortable letting a man go down on them until they feel more "attached" to that man. Why? What the hell? You undoubtedly love to give me blow jobs but I insist on eating your pussy so why do you have to lock your legs like that? I love pussy. I get it that some women don't let men go down on them at all. I met one of you one time. Fine, you thinks its gross, but those of you that wait to give VIP access based upon your emotional needs being fulfilled are an enigma to me.
2. The sex is just OK. It isn't anything exciting. She has a nice body but adventurous she is not.
3. She likes to talk during sex and a lot afterwards. In fact she likes to talk all the time. When she opens her mouth I'm reminded of the YouTube video of the girl (baby) that can't stop talking. It's a crack up. I actually hear the baby while Tall-Chick is talking. That's gotta be a bad sign.
So I need to end it once and for all. I'd even rather go back to that damn old bitch Ashley Madison just to engage in the occasional NSA attached encounters. Yes, I miss those and I miss feeling sexually charged, invigorated. I miss wanting to go to the gym and feeling motivated to work out. I go sporadically but I'm not going consistently. I miss enjoying coming to my blog and posting about stuff. I miss thinking about things like Hot Blogger Island.
If you feel inspired to leave me a comment, possibly you could remind me that I'm going to end it once and for all and move on. That would be encouraging. Thanks for reading this far and for being such a supportive community.
**Update - as of two hours from writing this post I officially ended it with Tall Chick and now I'll be thinking about returning to my normal self, my normally scheduled programming**