Thursday, October 8, 2009

What's Up With You Dewey?

I haven't talked much recently about where my head is at and what I've been up to. Some of you have been asking about me and I appreciate that. This Dewey has not been himself lately although that's not a bad thing its just that things are different now. I've been talking to wifey about getting a divorce, although we both will continue to stay in the house to raise the kids and I feel positive about that, about going through with that. It will be like a giant weight lifted and all my friends and family will know more about what's going on in my life. I'd like my parents to know for one thing. They'll know the real me just a little bit better. Most importantly my kids will know that mom and dad are not modeling a "normal" relationship. It's tricky and will require special attention to their emotional needs. Believe me when I say that my kids are the highest priority.

As for me? What trouble have I been into? Just a little bit. I'm still messing around with Tall Chick and although she understands that I can't have, or deal with, a real relationship at present, she has subtle expectations and has obvious hopes for something more which is a huge turn off for me. Managing expectations, or hopes, for anyone else is tricky and yet it shouldn't have to be. I laid out my case for what I was/am capable of and frankly a fuck-buddy is about it. She pushes the boundaries though and I tend to get freaked by it. Then she backs off. It's a stupid little game we play.

But the game, as much as I enjoy fucking, has got to end. I'm simply not that attracted to her. This is a huge problem for me. It's lifelong. I tend to settle for relationships or people, even when I'm not attracted. How lame is it, or how lame am I that this woman is always complementing me, telling me how "beautiful I am", or how my "eyes are gorgeous" and I can't reciprocate back. I just try and be polite.

She's even tossing around the "I love you's" but with this disclaimer that its more like "I love to be with you". Ughh. Ehh. Eww. Yuck. Not wanting that with her. She knows it too. I've told her. I'm not hiding anything from her, although I haven't come right out and said that I'm really not that attracted to you. Anyways, I have to end it (again) and soon. It's just getting lame and wearing me down.

I miss a little bit of who I was before I met her. Yes, I was searching for a partner, and possibly someone that would be more than a fuck-buddy but she's not it. She isn't what I'm looking for, and to be honest, I'm kind over searching for someone anyways. Its a cross between lack of libido, troubling financial times, and a pending divorce, so yea, my plate is full and I need to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

I've spent a lot of time on my blog describing various sexual positions or attributes of partners that I've had and most of it has been in a positive light. What I'm currently troubled by with Tall Chick is just strange to me. So here it goes:
1. She doesn't let anything near her pussy except my cock. She won't let me go down on her. I guess her vagina accepts cock but does not take my mouth. She said it was something to do with feeling close to me, like if we were more connected then she'd let me go down on her? WTF? This is not the first time I've heard this. Some women aren't comfortable letting a man go down on them until they feel more "attached" to that man. Why? What the hell? You undoubtedly love to give me blow jobs but I insist on eating your pussy so why do you have to lock your legs like that? I love pussy. I get it that some women don't let men go down on them at all. I met one of you one time. Fine, you thinks its gross, but those of you that wait to give VIP access based upon your emotional needs being fulfilled are an enigma to me.
2. The sex is just OK. It isn't anything exciting. She has a nice body but adventurous she is not.
3. She likes to talk during sex and a lot afterwards. In fact she likes to talk all the time. When she opens her mouth I'm reminded of the YouTube video of the girl (baby) that can't stop talking. It's a crack up. I actually hear the baby while Tall-Chick is talking. That's gotta be a bad sign.

So I need to end it once and for all. I'd even rather go back to that damn old bitch Ashley Madison just to engage in the occasional NSA attached encounters. Yes, I miss those and I miss feeling sexually charged, invigorated. I miss wanting to go to the gym and feeling motivated to work out. I go sporadically but I'm not going consistently. I miss enjoying coming to my blog and posting about stuff. I miss thinking about things like Hot Blogger Island.

If you feel inspired to leave me a comment, possibly you could remind me that I'm going to end it once and for all and move on. That would be encouraging. Thanks for reading this far and for being such a supportive community.

**Update - as of two hours from writing this post I officially ended it with Tall Chick and now I'll be thinking about returning to my normal self, my normally scheduled programming**


mina said...

red flag red flag red flag. From the things you describe about being with her and the things you have written here about what you want and fantasize about, I'm quite shocked it has lasted this long. She doesn't sound to be anything you are looking for. Yeah a lot of women do have issues with their own pussy, but it sounds like she's waving it in front of you like "commit to me and you shall have a taste". I think it's time to let her go. She clearly wants more and you can't give it to her, nor does she seem to be what you are looking for. Let her go before emotions keep getting deeper.

Anonymous said...

Because i'm a bitch i think you should give her a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You." Make sure that you are wearing proper protective gear if you do.

Joking aside, love, YOU are not happy. As a matter of fact you sound less happy now than you did before you hooked up.

Flee, NOW, and cut ties before it gets more complicated.

Then come back to the island. (Can you tell i am in touch with my inner male?)

Petal said...

Babe....move on from tall chick if your just not that into her. Its the kind thing to do. As for the rest? well hell hun, with that much stuff and stress on your plate no wonder you feeling a little 'off' your game.

Biggest killer of libido is stress, chuck in a divorce proposal, concerns about kids, financial worries and everything else and its so surprising that your off. (trust me on that one, its what's killing the H & I's libido at the mo, oh the wine and porn worked btw) Getting your arse back to the gym will help work a bit of that stress off too.

So don't get the emotional connection to having your pussy eaten. Really, really don't get it.

I'm with Ms Bitchtits....cum to the Island with us babe, you know we can make you happy...*wink*

Dewey's System said...

Thank you ladies!! Seriously, you made me laugh and inspired me to hang it up with Tall-Chick. It's done. I did it just moments ago. Crazy how this blogging this almost works in real time.

Yes Mina, I absolutely don't want things to go any deeper.

Ms. Bitchtits, I'd rather not instigate violence so I'll keep the DVD at home (haha) but kidding aside, you're right, I really am just not that into her.

Petal, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. Moving on now!

I also went to the gym after I wrote this and Blogger Island is starting to appeal to me a little bit more. I'm contacting my travel agent right now.

Eva Huntress said...

Blogger Island's Constitution.
Article I. You have the right to eat as many pussies as you desire and as often as you need to.

I'm waiting naked on the hammock. ven rapido. Muah!

Gray said...

I am really surprised it continued as long as it did but I understand convenience. I'm glad to see you have lightened your burdens. I think we all are looking forward to you getting back to the Hot blogger island!:)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear you ended it...a casual, fwb relationship should NEVER be this freakin' complicated.

I never understood my sister who was having (what started out as) a sex-only fling with a married guy because she was always having so much drama with him. And I was like, "I don't tolerate that kind of drama from permanent relationships, I'll be damned if I'd keep up something that was supposed to be simple if it got that messy."

Also, as a woman, all of my life (with the exception of Greg), I have had more vigorous, adventurous, taboo sex with casual partners than I ever had with steady partners or serious relationships. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with a fear of being judged by someone I respected, cared for or had to see frequently.

As for not being interested in the hunt or the thrill of the chase right now, well, sometimes life happens, right? Sometimes other things occupy our minds, especially big, heavy things like divorce and money.

I hope you are able to relax and not feel so worried about all of your external stressors. I'm glad you rid yourself of the one...for your sake and hers.

Anonymous said...

Dewey -- have you read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You?" The movie was cute, but the book is fantastic. Life-altering for some, I'd say.

Oh, and what Petal said. And Ms. Bitchtits...and Eva...and Gray...and Mina...yeah, pretty much everyone, really.

Anonymous said...

You are so funny. Why when a guy isn't into a girl do they string them along I wonder?

You don't enjoy the sex, don't enjoy the girl, then dump her. Which you did... but why let it get to the "she bothers me stage" in the first place?

I think I've been cheated because I started following you when you met Tall Chick or at least when you stopped blogging that much.

It will be nice to see what "regularly programmed scheduling will be" :)

Anonymous said...

I am digesting this in chunks (and yes the stat counter may be going kinda wacky cause I keep popping in here...thinking and then coming back.)

It is freaking great that you all have open and frank discussion about the marital happenings and that you are behaving maturely for the kids sake (peeps that put kids in the middle of this shit are selfish assholes...imo)

Re: Tall Chick, DEWEY...DEWEY... DEWEY...don't you know us girls are all emotionally wired??? We try to hide it but just keeps sneaking back up on us.

Do you know this quote?
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Maya Angelou's a girl-thang baby. She likes how you make her "feel" methinks and you are right to move the seperation along so her feelings don't keep inflating here.

Just my more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know-bout-girls-2-cents.


Vixen said...

Psst....gotta get rid of her. ;)

Ms. Bitchtits made me giggle with her advice of giving Tall Girl that book. I think it's a fabulous idea actually.

alive_she_cried said...

I'm sending you a hug, Dewey, 'cause it sounds like you need one. I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. Glad you ended it with TallChick-if you're not having fun, There's No Point.

Oh, and if you were saving up your go-downs, bring 'em on over to the island; sounds like some of us are lining up!

Dewey's System said...

Eva - we need to sit down together and pencil out the constitution, although I might have trouble keeping my hands off of you. In fact that's not even a question.

Gray - you hit it just right when you talked about how long it went on. That's totally my fault. Yes, I'm an idiot, but not going to repeat it again, no matter how horny I might feel which I would like to get back to feeling again soon.

Dharma - You made so many great points. Yes, it should be fun, yes, it shouldn't be so complicated, and yes my mind is thinking about a lot things which is one reason why the hunt just isn't so pressing for me now. I hope this doesn't last too much longer. I haven't read the book and I did see the movie which I thought was ok.

Sweet Elle - yes, in the beginning of my relationship with her I completely ignored the signs and was just happy to have made contact with the female species, but in doing so I betrayed myself and no doubt have caused her some hurt, some pain. I should have seen the signs and said, "no thanks". I hope that as life moves forward you'll see a happier, more adventurous Dewey than you're seeing now. Believe me!!

Southerngirl - I love the Maya quote. And I'm sure that my being with her made her feel certain things that I can't explain, and I wished it could've have just been more casual with her. Just causal sex, even if it wasn't great sex it was better than no sex. Alas, she started throwing out the "I love you's" and it wasn't to be casual anymore. I really love your girly 2 cents and it makes me think how grateful I am to have this medium to bounce it off of and share with. You ladies are phenomenal that way. All of you, and yes, even Riff or Hubman too.

Vixen - Yes, agree, and done. Done yesterday. And not to be entertained again.

ASC - thanks for the hug. It seems like weeks since I've actually had a real one from an adult. I kind of miss those. I also miss going down on a woman, or eating pussy. It's been a while for that too, so the idea of you all lining up for my tongue and fingers is tasting very savory right about now.

lifechick said...

I hope cutting this woman loose will help lighten your load in life and be freeing for you. Good luck!

Kimberly said...

Oh babe, that push/pull of someone wanting more than you is so ackward and awful. Good for you for ending it, there is something more satisfying out there. Better not to settle, although I understand the instinct.

Good luck with moving forward to a new level with the divorce and parenting arrangement. xoxox

Anonymous said...

Riff and Hubman got an extra X chromosome I didn't hear about??


Sexy PTA Mom said...

Boy oh boy! That does NOT sound like the old match made in heaven to me. You've made your position clear but it sounds like time to go. Sorry. Breaking up always sucks, but it is way better than the alternative! I'm with Bitchtits on this. And I miss you on the island too!! Oh good! I see you've done it. Yay! And the gym too. You are an inspiration.

wifegonebad said...

Congratulations on finally letting Tall Chick go. I know that when I was finally honest with my husband recently I felt so much lighter, as if I lost the ten pound boulder on my shoulder. Hope you do too!

Sending you a virtual hug!

Anonymous said...

Everytime I come to your blog I get the giggles!!

Never stop writing please.

Northen Cali gal

Vanilla Kinks said...

I found your blog through Hubman, but I wanted to say, "I totally get it." Hubby and I had this sort of arrangement for years. We lived together, and parented together because we have two wonderful boys.

I had a boyfriend, and he had a girlfriend. We were not having sexual relations with each other. We got along well enough. I had my own separate bedroom. It worked.

I recently moved out because hubby took in his girlfriend and her 5 kids. While I love my kids, I refuse to live in a house with him and his girlfriend. It's just something I won't do.

I wish you the best of luck! Chat me up any time!