Cock-Washer

Nope, no HNT from me today. I suppose you'll know that when you see another HNT from me that mentally, emotionally, and physically, I've returned to a more normal state.

Last weekend was wifey's birthday celebration. In fact, she's having an all out extended party lasting three weekends in a row. The first weekend was to Vegas, last weekend was the local party, and this coming weekend she'll go out for one overnight with her boyfriend. Add to that the fact that she's got a new job, and she's pretty much been busier then ever and I've had to pick up the job of parenting myself. Remember, its parenting four kids. They're good kids and young enough to not have found too much trouble but I've been busy lately.

To lessen up my workload I stopped seeing Tall-Chick. Thank you everyone for your support in my cutting that off. I'll tell you what I'll miss most about her. After we had sex, she would go to the bathroom, warm up the water, soak a towel in it, walk back to the bed, and completely clean my bits and pieces up. Yea, I'd never had a personal cock-washer before and she did such a nice job. She would tease it a bit too and get it hard again and that was always fun and giggles for her. So yea, I'm going to miss the cock-wash the most.

Ohh, she tempted me in such a bad way last weekend to come up to her place and take refuge for a night. She moved recently into the most beautiful house with an ocean view and I'm telling you that it was hard to say no, but alas, it was the right thing to do.

So wifey turned 40 and all of her family came in the past weekend surprising her for her birthday. I had been so literally overwhelmed by all the stuff lately that I really didn't even want to go to her bday party-dinner.

Fuck it.

That's kind of the nature of what I'm feeling toward her lately. I knew I would be uncomfortable there. Uncomfortable because I'm not mixing very well socially with her lately. We haven't announced to anyone in her family that we are going to get divorced. When her father got up to give a toast and referred to me and her, I wanted to stand up and exclaim that I wasn't technically really her partner anymore, but that the dude sitting right across from me, her on-off again boyfriend, was really the one fucking her and taking home the pussy prize. Me, I'm just the one that was dumb enough to pay for the new pussy, the vaginal rejuvenation, and breast job, but not really the one to enjoy the benefits of my investment. Ughh, oh yea, I haven't told you readers about the monies I've spent, before things went horribly wrong with wifey, and the economy, on all her "procedures" to fix what having four kids did to her body. That's a post for another time.

But you get the gist right? I'm there at a big table, lots of our friends, her family, and everyone, except a couple people, are expecting the two of us to dote over each other on this grand night, and I literally don't even want to be there. I'm ready for the secret to come out of the bag that we are simply parenting together and raising children but otherwise I've been over this woman for quite a while. So do I have a open marriage? Technically yes, but theoretically I can't stand to be around her, so what kind of marriage is that. It's not a marriage. At times lately I feel so imprisoned. Locked in a cage if you will. I can't run away from her and move on with my life because we have these wonderful kids that need us both. When we have that talk with our kids, which I will be pressing to happen real soon, and then we talk to our families, I think I'll feel just a little bit better. It will be progress.

Truthfully I need to feel better. I need to feel more like my happy go-lucky self. I've been in a place lately where all I can see is the negative, where I can't see how we're going to get out of debt when the spending isn't stopping, or where I can hardly envision falling in love again or having a relationship for that matter. Just having a fuck-buddy seems like a lot of work. Dewey's next HNT couldn't come any sooner.

What's Up With You Dewey?

I haven't talked much recently about where my head is at and what I've been up to. Some of you have been asking about me and I appreciate that. This Dewey has not been himself lately although that's not a bad thing its just that things are different now. I've been talking to wifey about getting a divorce, although we both will continue to stay in the house to raise the kids and I feel positive about that, about going through with that. It will be like a giant weight lifted and all my friends and family will know more about what's going on in my life. I'd like my parents to know for one thing. They'll know the real me just a little bit better. Most importantly my kids will know that mom and dad are not modeling a "normal" relationship. It's tricky and will require special attention to their emotional needs. Believe me when I say that my kids are the highest priority.

As for me? What trouble have I been into? Just a little bit. I'm still messing around with Tall Chick and although she understands that I can't have, or deal with, a real relationship at present, she has subtle expectations and has obvious hopes for something more which is a huge turn off for me. Managing expectations, or hopes, for anyone else is tricky and yet it shouldn't have to be. I laid out my case for what I was/am capable of and frankly a fuck-buddy is about it. She pushes the boundaries though and I tend to get freaked by it. Then she backs off. It's a stupid little game we play.

But the game, as much as I enjoy fucking, has got to end. I'm simply not that attracted to her. This is a huge problem for me. It's lifelong. I tend to settle for relationships or people, even when I'm not attracted. How lame is it, or how lame am I that this woman is always complementing me, telling me how "beautiful I am", or how my "eyes are gorgeous" and I can't reciprocate back. I just try and be polite.

She's even tossing around the "I love you's" but with this disclaimer that its more like "I love to be with you". Ughh. Ehh. Eww. Yuck. Not wanting that with her. She knows it too. I've told her. I'm not hiding anything from her, although I haven't come right out and said that I'm really not that attracted to you. Anyways, I have to end it (again) and soon. It's just getting lame and wearing me down.

I miss a little bit of who I was before I met her. Yes, I was searching for a partner, and possibly someone that would be more than a fuck-buddy but she's not it. She isn't what I'm looking for, and to be honest, I'm kind over searching for someone anyways. Its a cross between lack of libido, troubling financial times, and a pending divorce, so yea, my plate is full and I need to get rid of the things that are weighing me down.

I've spent a lot of time on my blog describing various sexual positions or attributes of partners that I've had and most of it has been in a positive light. What I'm currently troubled by with Tall Chick is just strange to me. So here it goes:
1. She doesn't let anything near her pussy except my cock. She won't let me go down on her. I guess her vagina accepts cock but does not take my mouth. She said it was something to do with feeling close to me, like if we were more connected then she'd let me go down on her? WTF? This is not the first time I've heard this. Some women aren't comfortable letting a man go down on them until they feel more "attached" to that man. Why? What the hell? You undoubtedly love to give me blow jobs but I insist on eating your pussy so why do you have to lock your legs like that? I love pussy. I get it that some women don't let men go down on them at all. I met one of you one time. Fine, you thinks its gross, but those of you that wait to give VIP access based upon your emotional needs being fulfilled are an enigma to me.
2. The sex is just OK. It isn't anything exciting. She has a nice body but adventurous she is not.
3. She likes to talk during sex and a lot afterwards. In fact she likes to talk all the time. When she opens her mouth I'm reminded of the YouTube video of the girl (baby) that can't stop talking. It's a crack up. I actually hear the baby while Tall-Chick is talking. That's gotta be a bad sign.

So I need to end it once and for all. I'd even rather go back to that damn old bitch Ashley Madison just to engage in the occasional NSA attached encounters. Yes, I miss those and I miss feeling sexually charged, invigorated. I miss wanting to go to the gym and feeling motivated to work out. I go sporadically but I'm not going consistently. I miss enjoying coming to my blog and posting about stuff. I miss thinking about things like Hot Blogger Island.

If you feel inspired to leave me a comment, possibly you could remind me that I'm going to end it once and for all and move on. That would be encouraging. Thanks for reading this far and for being such a supportive community.

**Update - as of two hours from writing this post I officially ended it with Tall Chick and now I'll be thinking about returning to my normal self, my normally scheduled programming**

Curiosity Rules the Day

It was our first night together, our first moments away from the crowd, away from the party. We'd spent a while trying to find a room and finally found someplace suitable to fall into each other. We kissed and sucked on each others lips. I unlatched her bra and buried my face in her beautiful breasts and perfect nipples. This was a passionate foreplay session. Everything was off except my grey boxer briefs. Her panties never came off either. My cock was ready to explode, yet she did not indulge it. We just didn't go there, and I was fine with that. For two hours we made out like high school kids who were under strict orders not to have sex. It actually reminded me of the kind of makeout - teasing - foreplay I used to do in high school. I was fucking great at it then, and I think I still am. I know she was.

This past weekend we took some time to finally talk and get to know each other. We went to a sporting event, sipped champagne, and ate cheese. I found out a lot of things about tallchick that I hadn't know and that I wanted to know. For starters she is just 5'8" even though I thought she was taller. Maybe its the 2" inch heals that she's always wearing. We had a definite getting to know each other day together. Later we shared dinner, and we capped the night off with a beautiful conversation on the beach, with a bright moonlight and the crashing waves just feet from our toes.

I dropped her off and kissed her goodnight, thinking about her body, wondering how it will be, wondering how the rest of her tastes, wondering how our first time together will be like. The anticipation of our first fuck is exciting and mysterious. How will it go? When will it happen? Where will it happen? So many questions . . .

Change is the Only Constant

Yesterday I get a phone call from wifey and Dewey knew in an instant, in that first breath, that there was trouble. Maybe it was the sobbing on her end, the barely able to speak gut wrenching sadness kind of cry. I knew right away that she finally did it, she broke up with her boyfriend. They'd been together for almost 4 months and as I've said before I was so happy for her to have found this guy, and happy for her to fall in love with him. They were a "hot" couple and their energy was so positive.

But alas, their relationship was unhealthy, and she did the brave, courageous thing by walking out on him and leaving him. It took guts, and I commended her, and later I hugged her and offered whatever help I could. But mostly I just listened to her and let her try and sort through her actions, her stance, and her disapproval of his behavior. He has some deep seeded jealousy, possessiveness, and abandonment issues, and whenever he smoked weed, or drank excessively these skeletons leaped out the closet. She decided that enough was enough and that she wouldn't put up with his shit. I commend you wifey, and yes, I do think that if he cared enough about you, about your relationship, that he would put aside some of his habits, and do what it takes to make himself healthier as a human being. (FYI - she doesn't know I blog. No one knows, except you my dear readers/fans/fantasy fucks).

If you find yourself in an open marriage and your spouse gets really attached to someone and then they break-up, you may find yourself in a position where you offer the kind of support, or love, or empathy that you wouldn't have ever thought possible. There's no way in hell that I could have ever thought this scenario possible just 5 years ago, or 10, or 15. Who can predict such interesting dynamics? I discussed this topic with Sexy Sadie and found that she too had experience with it. We agreed that having a spouse there for you, when things do go bad, or when the relationship does end, can be a huge support to that person who's struggling and who may be hurting. I just didn't envision being that kind of person. Wifey thanked me over and over again for my kindness and support and my response was that I knew that she would do the same for me if I was feeling the way she was. I knew she would be there for me, so I chose to be there for her, yesterday, and now.

The last four months Dewey has been supportive and generous in giving wifey plenty of time to explore her relationship and to be with her boyfriend. She was gone maybe two nights out of the week while I was at home being the sole parent. Now however things have changed and the wheels are about to turn in a 180 degree turn.

I met someone recently!!

Yes I fucking did. I met someone right here in my town, and to top it off, the first time that she and I spent good quality time together was at a party where both my wife and her (ex)boyfriend were there. That has been somewhat of a hurdle you know: "Yes, young lady, I would like to date you, and yes, I do have kids, and btw I am married and still live in the same house with my wife". Not too many women find that scenario very attractive, no matter how good looking I may be. But no, not this time, and not with this woman. She knows about the situation and she still wants a piece of me. I'll call her TallChick since she's about 5'10". Oh, she's slim, nice curves, fantastic tits, a nice ass, and she's funny, witty, precocious, adventurous, flirty - all traits I find attractive in a woman. Did I tell you that she has a job too? Ha! Seems like these days thats got to be an attractive quality.

I am ready! I am so ready for a normal, ok, somewhat normal, relationship with a woman where we can do normal couple things, have dates, travel, snuggle, and do all manner of wickedness together. Yes, I've been looking for someone that can I can fuck on a consistent basis and have her close to me. Close emotionally and physically. I've got so much to give, to offer and I'm ready to both give and receive. It was Southern Girl that wrote recently that she was starved for both physical and emotional connection, and I can identify with that. Not having to drive an hour and 1/2 to meet someone just to fuck, who's cheating on their husband has been a hit and miss letdown. Fucking is nice, but fucking someone you care about, whom you have a connection with is more my style.

Last weekend TallChick and I had the privilege of driving around town for 30 minutes and finding every damn hotel room full. Every place said no vacancy. Surely this is how Joseph must have felt when he was carting Mary around and there was "No room in the Inn", except that she's no Virgin Mary, and we were not about to have a baby, thank god!!