Warning Signs - Top 10

Two warnings off the bat. A) This post is a little bit longer than normal, and B) this post starts off with a negative tone but life is good so don't worry about me. :-) Surely everyone can relate to some of this stuff.

Signs that your spouse isn't that into you anymore:

1. When you try to give her a kiss she ever so slightly moves her lips away and gives you something closer to her cheek.
2. When you ask her to have sex she expects you to be hard, at full attention without having given you any stimulus to get that way. Translation = seduce yourself.
3. When you're not rock hard come sexy time, she's not happy with you. Foreplay is long gone. Daily affection has whithered away. "Hey if you want a hug, you have to ask me for one. I don't know when you want one."
4. She'd rather give you a hand-job than let you pound her, and not just occasionally but most of the time.
5. She'd rather make out with the "local" boy at the bar then fuck the shit out of you on a vacation to Baja Mexico when that trip was really supposed to be about the two of you "re-connecting".
6. She's more into women than you. Although that started off as something really kinky.
7. Sex is not fun anymore. There's no smiles, there's nothing happy about it. It appears to be more of a duty than a wild, reckless, passionate romp.
8. When you notice that she's giving you a blow job but really thinking about something else and wondering when you're gonna get through with it.
9. When she has no idea how sex, within a committed monogamous relationship was a means for how I connected with her. Like no comprehension.
10. When it's your b-day and you look over at her and talk about b-day sex and she says "yes, I'd like to have that, I'd like to do that for you, but first we need to talk, we need to connect more emotionally before I can do that. I can't have sex when we're not emotionally connected." So we talk for an hour, it's getting late, I'm late for work, and after going through that exercise with her, still no b-day sex. So yea #10 = no b-day sex.

#10 Reminds me of the largest circular problem in my marriage when we were still together. That problem was that she needed me to be "connected" to her, to her needs, to her world, for her to want to have sex with me. I needed her to have sex with me so that I could be connected to her, and want to listen to her. After sex I loved this woman even more than ever. The act itself made me feel more bonded with her. Visualize that circular diagram. We went round and round and usually ended up nowhere, meaning I could only give so much to maintain that emotional thing she needed and it usually wasn't enough for her to want to have sex.

Ironically as soon as our marriage opened up she could/would start having sex with guys to which she had very little attachment to. I asked her to explain that and the bullshit answer isn't even worth sharing here.

Please understand that I am not bitter anymore. I don't hate this woman. I can even look at her in the arms of another man and think good thoughts about her (this happened yesterday). Our relationship physically had just expired like some bad milk. Perhaps I am fully comfortable with her in another mans arms because I am free from all of those above things that haunted me, or maybe because I know that he now must deal with the drama and the personality that I have come to disengage with over the past two years. I am free from having to try to maintain that intense emotional connection she needed, free from having to wonder if we will ever have good sex again because we won't. I swear there were times where she simply needed a girlfriend and used me as a substitute. I am a good listener, but fuck there has to be a payoff in the end and when that payoff, which included sex, started to whither away, I realized that this was no longer a warning sign, it was the end.

Would I ever get married again? No way. I think the ideal relationship/lover is someone who you see two or three times a week, spending as much as 24 hours or even 48 hours together, or as little as 30 minutes, going back to your separate worlds but still keeping a good loving connection between the two of you when you're not seeing each other. Hell, I can't even imagine wanting to live with a woman right now. What I dream about is something simple, something like sitting on a back porch sharing the moonlight, holding hands, drinking a glass of wine, making out, and fucking till midnight. Yes, a little romance, yes, a lot of fucking, but at the end of the day, one of us goes back home.

Oh, and I'll never ever share a bathroom with my lover. Never. I think that kills things too. And please don't share things with me that happened in the bathroom. Wifey always loved to do that, and it's disgusting. I never wanted to hear about your bowel problems or triumphs.

* Btw, the link I shared for Cabo Surf Hotel is where we stayed and in spite of the issues we had at that time, that place was the best surfing I ever experienced. If the right woman comes along, I'll take her and fuck the shit out of her there. I need a re-do. Any volunteers?

I Love You Wifey - Part I

I married a pretty cool chick. Yes indeed. And yes at times I feel the polar opposite of that feeling but occassionally, such as last night, I do take a moment to tell her I love her and tell her how much I appreciate her. As we were having our monthly "partner round-table" discussion about our kids and about our family, I couldn't help but for the moment to feel joy and to feel as though my place in life is nice. It's good. Certainly we could divorce now, as I've talked about before but we don't want to put our kids through that. However, we also don't want to mislead them, or to have them think that we are modeling a "healthy loving marriage/relationship". Because it simply isn't that. So it will be forthcoming to our children soon that mom and dad love each other, and love them, but that we're not "in love" with each other.

At some point we'll get a divorce, but it isn't necessary for now. We can all live under the same roof and our family stays intact.

We'll be seeking the assistance of a professional in how we word it to them. The wording is very very important and I suppose when we take each child at a time and discuss it with them that it will be a moment they will never ever forget. We want to do our best to make that moment is as positive and reassuring to them as can be. Their emotional well being is the most important priority. More to come on that as it begins to unfold.

So I started to write this post as a term of endearment for wifey and I want to share something nice that she did for me when we still had a sexual connection. It was my birthday two years ago and she took me to this cute little bar on the pier in our cozy beach town. We were sitting drinking a beer for nearly 20 minutes and talking about the surroundings and people in the bar. As we're talking I look across the room and notice a female that stood out for the obvious reason that she was smoking hot, but also because she seemed somewhat familiar. So familiar that I had to get up and go over to see if I knew her. As I approached her and we made eye contact I was blown away with delight and shear surprise. I can still remember this moment as if it were in slow motion. You see wifey invited a special friend (blondie) of ours from college to be with us for the weekend. She flew her in to town from out of state.

Wifey knew that I had a crush on blondie and she spent a few months planning this special surprise for me. Dewey was in fucking blonde, hot ass/tits heaven. But more than that I had two gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, smart women as my companions for the weekend. Can you imagine what I was thinking when guys at the bars were trying to hit on both of them? 'Sorry dude, they're both with me, and both are going home with me. Better luck next time Joe Blow.' Yes, it was Wifey-Dewey-Blondie. Now that was a sandwich I could eat all day and night. Believe me when I say that I could never get full on that meal.

We dance-party all night the first night and head back to the hotel. The girls get giggly and a bit nervous. This was blondies first time with a couple. The lights are low, the music is soft, and the girls get comfortable on the bed in their bra and panties. They start to kiss each other and I'm laying right beside them.

Fuck!! Just a fucking gorgeous site. Trust me when I say this site blows the socks off any sunset, landscape, wonders-of-the-world type phenomena. Fuck you Grand Canyon, I have two hot bitches in bed with me.

I start to undo their bra's while they are kissing and when their tits are touching I'm so giddy with hard-on delight. This is pretzel zone here where bodies are intertwined, wet pussies everywhere, mouths all over the place, and one stiff cock at attention. I remember everything so vividly, because frankly what dumbass wouldn't when this is happening. At one moment wifey is laying down on her back and I'm thrusting my appreciative cock inside her when I'm overcome with a warm sensation underneath me. What?? Huh? I look down and blondie is underneath me. She has taken my balls into her mouth and is using her fingers around my ass. Yes, her wet fingers are circling that area while my balls are in her mouth and my cock is in wifey's pussy. A special moment, brought to you by the phrase "fuck me".

This kind of action continued for another hour or so, and wifey collapsed into sleep from shear exhaustion yet blondie wasn't done nor was my love missile. I had more targets to fire on and more firepower left in me. We fucked until we collapsed, or until the sun came up. I'm not quite sure about that. I am quite sure though that I couldn't have gotten enough of her because when morning arrived, and wifey left us for an hour to run an errand (wink wink), I did indeed commence into more fun. Too much fun. More than any man should have.

Dewey came, and came again and returned the favor over and over again. The first orgasm that I gave her was with both of my hands. One hand using my fingers to fill her insides with and the other hand meticulously cirling and massaging her clit. As she started to get close to climaxing I lightly started to slap her her clit and she loved it. Her orgasm building and both my hands working her furiously with our tongues connected I started to vigorously slap her clit like a bad bug bite and she ate it up. Her orgasm so intense that she started shaking, and crying. It was the happy cry. It was the, 'I haven't ever orgasmed like that before' cry. She was happy and so was I.

We packed up our stuff, went out to eat together and drove to the City of Angels for what would be an even a more climactic and fun filled addition to the weekend. Stay tuned for part two of this weekend story. Trust me, you don't want to miss it. How can you not love a woman that plans all this shit out for you?

Change is the Only Constant

Yesterday I get a phone call from wifey and Dewey knew in an instant, in that first breath, that there was trouble. Maybe it was the sobbing on her end, the barely able to speak gut wrenching sadness kind of cry. I knew right away that she finally did it, she broke up with her boyfriend. They'd been together for almost 4 months and as I've said before I was so happy for her to have found this guy, and happy for her to fall in love with him. They were a "hot" couple and their energy was so positive.

But alas, their relationship was unhealthy, and she did the brave, courageous thing by walking out on him and leaving him. It took guts, and I commended her, and later I hugged her and offered whatever help I could. But mostly I just listened to her and let her try and sort through her actions, her stance, and her disapproval of his behavior. He has some deep seeded jealousy, possessiveness, and abandonment issues, and whenever he smoked weed, or drank excessively these skeletons leaped out the closet. She decided that enough was enough and that she wouldn't put up with his shit. I commend you wifey, and yes, I do think that if he cared enough about you, about your relationship, that he would put aside some of his habits, and do what it takes to make himself healthier as a human being. (FYI - she doesn't know I blog. No one knows, except you my dear readers/fans/fantasy fucks).

If you find yourself in an open marriage and your spouse gets really attached to someone and then they break-up, you may find yourself in a position where you offer the kind of support, or love, or empathy that you wouldn't have ever thought possible. There's no way in hell that I could have ever thought this scenario possible just 5 years ago, or 10, or 15. Who can predict such interesting dynamics? I discussed this topic with Sexy Sadie and found that she too had experience with it. We agreed that having a spouse there for you, when things do go bad, or when the relationship does end, can be a huge support to that person who's struggling and who may be hurting. I just didn't envision being that kind of person. Wifey thanked me over and over again for my kindness and support and my response was that I knew that she would do the same for me if I was feeling the way she was. I knew she would be there for me, so I chose to be there for her, yesterday, and now.

The last four months Dewey has been supportive and generous in giving wifey plenty of time to explore her relationship and to be with her boyfriend. She was gone maybe two nights out of the week while I was at home being the sole parent. Now however things have changed and the wheels are about to turn in a 180 degree turn.

I met someone recently!!

Yes I fucking did. I met someone right here in my town, and to top it off, the first time that she and I spent good quality time together was at a party where both my wife and her (ex)boyfriend were there. That has been somewhat of a hurdle you know: "Yes, young lady, I would like to date you, and yes, I do have kids, and btw I am married and still live in the same house with my wife". Not too many women find that scenario very attractive, no matter how good looking I may be. But no, not this time, and not with this woman. She knows about the situation and she still wants a piece of me. I'll call her TallChick since she's about 5'10". Oh, she's slim, nice curves, fantastic tits, a nice ass, and she's funny, witty, precocious, adventurous, flirty - all traits I find attractive in a woman. Did I tell you that she has a job too? Ha! Seems like these days thats got to be an attractive quality.

I am ready! I am so ready for a normal, ok, somewhat normal, relationship with a woman where we can do normal couple things, have dates, travel, snuggle, and do all manner of wickedness together. Yes, I've been looking for someone that can I can fuck on a consistent basis and have her close to me. Close emotionally and physically. I've got so much to give, to offer and I'm ready to both give and receive. It was Southern Girl that wrote recently that she was starved for both physical and emotional connection, and I can identify with that. Not having to drive an hour and 1/2 to meet someone just to fuck, who's cheating on their husband has been a hit and miss letdown. Fucking is nice, but fucking someone you care about, whom you have a connection with is more my style.

Last weekend TallChick and I had the privilege of driving around town for 30 minutes and finding every damn hotel room full. Every place said no vacancy. Surely this is how Joseph must have felt when he was carting Mary around and there was "No room in the Inn", except that she's no Virgin Mary, and we were not about to have a baby, thank god!!

Meeting Wife's New Boyfriend Tonight

A week ago wifey tells Dewey that she's got a new boyfriend. Now, I know what you must be thinking, you're thinking that she's announcing that she's leaving me and taking the kids, and starting a new life over again. Well, maybe that announcement will be forthcoming, but right now we have an arrangement. And god damn if I'm not fucking loving it. I get to go out and meet new people, new girls anytime and do whatever I want. Fuck you monogamy. I win.

Truth be told, I have wanted wifey to find someone and find happiness. She hasn't been happy with me, for various reasons, for many years. So right now, we're both equally happy for the other to find what they're looking for. Over the past two years, I've had a few short term relationships, but nothing lasting longer than 3 months. And during all that time we had agreed that we would stick together and live together as a family for our kids sake. Yea, you gotta loves those little ones. I think they do better when they have two parents present and getting along, than with two parents fighting all the time or getting divorced. So we're partners in parenting, for now.

The other day I took down our wedding picture in the master bedroom. I just didn't want to look at that. It was 15 years ago, I don't recognize those people at all. And while I love my wife and exist in this newly developed friendship we have, I also have some sadness for what never fully materialized. In other words, I still mourn for us. It's the classic you can't live with them, can't live without them. So, we're just putting a new spin on that, you can live with them and you will. But I also feel like a giant weight has been lifted. Let this new man provide whatever it is for her that I could never be.

So she told me about him, and while I have seen him, I've never socialized with him or hung out. I told her I wanted to. I suggested it. God damn it, why can't we all be friends? Let's give it a try at least. On a related note, we have had this "open" relationship for about two-three years now. Some people succeed with it, and others don't. But if you have two people that really care about each other and communicate about everything, then why can't more people try and be less conventional and more open minded? The religious people are going to all freak out at this, and conservatives think what they will, but if we can keep jealousy and possessiveness out of it, then maybe it could work, for some of us. Why are we as a society led to believe that we are better off getting married, staying monogamous, and till death do us part? I'm not advocating a nationwide orgy, but I do think we can love more than one person and find things to love about many people at once.

People are bored. I see so many marriages where the spouses are like zombies. They walk around without any passion for life and fantasize about being with someone else. I love the German politicians idea of changing marriage to a short term commitment, at least in the eyes of the government. She was advocating making marriage a 10 year contract between parties and doing away with the old one. That makes a lot of fucking sense to me. The only thing I feel firmly about in this idea, is that if you have kids, you make them the first priority over any partner/lover. My kids do come first and they're emotional well being and security are my highest priority. They don't know a thing about wifey and Dewey. We keep a tight lid on it.

Also I think people would take much better care of themselves, if they had "permission" to date other people. This nations biggest health problem is obesity. I admit that prior to this arrangement I was about 15 lbs. overweight, and when I realized that I could be with other women I got my ass a gym membership and got to work on my bod. Not everyone is going to do that, but others might react that way and lose weight, making themselves more attractive, and cutting the lbs. So reason #112 for open relationships, cut down our nations health care costs. Someone please submit that to congress.

So yes, he's coming over in about 4 hours. He's coming with about 10 other guests so that its not just the three adults there. Will we become friends and all hang out together down the road? It looks hopeful.

And So It Begins

I've been tempting myself to start writing about my passions and frustrations for the past year. Leave it to a few bottles of Stella to get the courage to get started. Hi, I'm Dewey and I like the F word. I like to say it, I like to do it, and I had to have it in my title. As you get to know me you'll find out why I came up with the blog title. It has a variety of meanings. I don't want to just jump right in and explain them because that would spoil it all, and I don't feel like writing any spoiler disclaimers. But really, the sound, the phonetics of the F word, are so pleasing to my ear. I often create new words from the F word. I invite your submissions. My favorite is fucktacular. Why shouldn't something that's fucking spectacular just be called fucktacular?

I'm in my mid 30's but physically feel the best I have ever felt in my whole life. I've been married for 15 years and my marriage is easily the biggest challenge I've ever faced. They say that 1/2 of marriages end in divorce and I say that the other 1/2 are plotting and scheming for one. In other words, I think marriage should not be the "journey" or even the "destination". If it's the journey, then I want off, I want a ticket to go back home. If it's the destination then why does it always look so much more glamorous on television?

I'm not here to bitch about my partner. No, that would be too easy. And in all fairness, she doesn't have her side to tell, right along with my version, on this blog, so I'm going to do what I feel comfortable with - leave the drama out of this. Besides, all you married folks out there know what I'm talking about already. And if you don't, or if you've only been married for a short while, just wait, or just have a few kids and you'll understand where I'm coming from. You may not agree but that's alright.

More introductions - I have kids from my marriage and they alone are the single reason I stay married. However, Dewey and wifey have come up with our own arrangements to navigate this awkward time in our relationship. These arrangements are with the understanding that we want what's best for our children, and that means putting aside our own needs for there's. I firmly believe that kids will do better with two loving parents in the home, and besides, neither wifey or Dewey want to be separated from our kids. So I live, as a married man (filing jointly on taxes/which saves money), yet separated in every way with wifey, yet living together. Make sense? Great. I'm glad you could follow me.

More to come on that arrangement . . . .