Divorced and Forced

Holy shit, I'm not the only one living like this.  It's good to know there are others I suppose.  Two nights ago I had some ideas about this trend, and perhaps a way to have a business based on these concepts.  Divorced and living together in the same home.  Well, in my case, I'm not forced to live in the same house with my spouse, but to move out would mean everyone has to lower their standard of living.  It also means that I don't get to be surrounded by my kids and see them everyday.  That would be devastating for me and for them.  Sometimes when I'm away from them for 2 or 3 days I really  miss them and they miss me too.  So no, I'm not gonna have a custody battle when it isn't necessary and this living arrangement isn't for forever.  Thank Gawd!!

Oh, if you're living in this kind of arrangement too, and if you're a hot woman, in southern California, well we should meet.  I want to go over my ideas with you, and maybe have a glass of wine while we explore.  haha!!  I'm working on exploiting all angles now.

Warning Signs - Top 10

Two warnings off the bat. A) This post is a little bit longer than normal, and B) this post starts off with a negative tone but life is good so don't worry about me. :-) Surely everyone can relate to some of this stuff.

Signs that your spouse isn't that into you anymore:

1. When you try to give her a kiss she ever so slightly moves her lips away and gives you something closer to her cheek.
2. When you ask her to have sex she expects you to be hard, at full attention without having given you any stimulus to get that way. Translation = seduce yourself.
3. When you're not rock hard come sexy time, she's not happy with you. Foreplay is long gone. Daily affection has whithered away. "Hey if you want a hug, you have to ask me for one. I don't know when you want one."
4. She'd rather give you a hand-job than let you pound her, and not just occasionally but most of the time.
5. She'd rather make out with the "local" boy at the bar then fuck the shit out of you on a vacation to Baja Mexico when that trip was really supposed to be about the two of you "re-connecting".
6. She's more into women than you. Although that started off as something really kinky.
7. Sex is not fun anymore. There's no smiles, there's nothing happy about it. It appears to be more of a duty than a wild, reckless, passionate romp.
8. When you notice that she's giving you a blow job but really thinking about something else and wondering when you're gonna get through with it.
9. When she has no idea how sex, within a committed monogamous relationship was a means for how I connected with her. Like no comprehension.
10. When it's your b-day and you look over at her and talk about b-day sex and she says "yes, I'd like to have that, I'd like to do that for you, but first we need to talk, we need to connect more emotionally before I can do that. I can't have sex when we're not emotionally connected." So we talk for an hour, it's getting late, I'm late for work, and after going through that exercise with her, still no b-day sex. So yea #10 = no b-day sex.

#10 Reminds me of the largest circular problem in my marriage when we were still together. That problem was that she needed me to be "connected" to her, to her needs, to her world, for her to want to have sex with me. I needed her to have sex with me so that I could be connected to her, and want to listen to her. After sex I loved this woman even more than ever. The act itself made me feel more bonded with her. Visualize that circular diagram. We went round and round and usually ended up nowhere, meaning I could only give so much to maintain that emotional thing she needed and it usually wasn't enough for her to want to have sex.

Ironically as soon as our marriage opened up she could/would start having sex with guys to which she had very little attachment to. I asked her to explain that and the bullshit answer isn't even worth sharing here.

Please understand that I am not bitter anymore. I don't hate this woman. I can even look at her in the arms of another man and think good thoughts about her (this happened yesterday). Our relationship physically had just expired like some bad milk. Perhaps I am fully comfortable with her in another mans arms because I am free from all of those above things that haunted me, or maybe because I know that he now must deal with the drama and the personality that I have come to disengage with over the past two years. I am free from having to try to maintain that intense emotional connection she needed, free from having to wonder if we will ever have good sex again because we won't. I swear there were times where she simply needed a girlfriend and used me as a substitute. I am a good listener, but fuck there has to be a payoff in the end and when that payoff, which included sex, started to whither away, I realized that this was no longer a warning sign, it was the end.

Would I ever get married again? No way. I think the ideal relationship/lover is someone who you see two or three times a week, spending as much as 24 hours or even 48 hours together, or as little as 30 minutes, going back to your separate worlds but still keeping a good loving connection between the two of you when you're not seeing each other. Hell, I can't even imagine wanting to live with a woman right now. What I dream about is something simple, something like sitting on a back porch sharing the moonlight, holding hands, drinking a glass of wine, making out, and fucking till midnight. Yes, a little romance, yes, a lot of fucking, but at the end of the day, one of us goes back home.

Oh, and I'll never ever share a bathroom with my lover. Never. I think that kills things too. And please don't share things with me that happened in the bathroom. Wifey always loved to do that, and it's disgusting. I never wanted to hear about your bowel problems or triumphs.

* Btw, the link I shared for Cabo Surf Hotel is where we stayed and in spite of the issues we had at that time, that place was the best surfing I ever experienced. If the right woman comes along, I'll take her and fuck the shit out of her there. I need a re-do. Any volunteers?

Proposition: Is this one Weird?

Hot blogger friends, I need your answer to this question. Your time is limited so feel free to skip to the last two paragraphs.

Thank you to those that asked me to get back into the HNT spirit. It feels good. In fact I've had a very nice 4 days in a row now. I certainly wouldn't be back in the HNT saddle again if I wasn't feeling more like my happy-go-lucky-self. A huge reason why I am feeling better is because I let wifey know that I was very upset. Wifey and I got into a war of words on Sunday and it was the outlet I needed to get my frustrations off my chest. Not that I condone war, but I wasn't going to take it anymore. Neither of of us won this war, but that didn't matter. I said what needed to be said, even if she didn't want to hear it.

But really, I'm feeling better. I'm loving the on-line teasing, the flirting, and the (completely unrealistic) prospects of meeting some of my on-line crushes. Ok, well maybe not all of them are unrealistic. It's all a part of this crazy virtual world and its got my juices flowing again.

The reason I had to post today is because wifey propositioned me today for the darnedest fucking idea I have ever heard. Is this not twisted in some strange sense? Wifey has her boyfriend (boy-fuck-toy), who's got his ex-wife coming to town to visit for the weekend. Wifey tells me that so and so is coming, whom I've never met, and that the four of us should go out together. She tells me that her boyfriends ex really wants to get laid this weekend and that she's cute. huh? I fucking started to laugh on the phone. Are you kidding? You're setting me up with your boyfriends ex-wife? You're playing matchmaker now? After the yelling, cussing, and all that other heavy shit, you actually care about me getting fucked? I don't know what to make of that? It was just 2 weeks ago that I declared I would not socialize with her anymore. This is turning out like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode with polymory strings attached. Or not.

Besides, where would we all fuck anyways? He lives in a studio where his roommate sleeps on a couch and I frankly don't ever want to see wifey fucking anyone else ever again. Just don't need to see that. Nor do I want to see boy-toy naked. Now, his ex-wife, that might be different. Any thoughts??

I Love You Wifey - Part II

It's 5am and the hotel is totally quiet except for that fire alarm that just went off. Fuck its loud but thank goodness we got the fire out and there was just minimal damage to some pillows, the carpets and the wall. Yes, we started a fire, but we got it out fast. When the security officers came into our room and searched around we had to convince them that this was not a result of a drug or cigarette moment but that a candle had gone haywire and lit the pillow on fire.

People in the other rooms started coming out of their rooms wondering if it was safe. I was in shock and embarrassed. I couldn't see the humor in it although Blondie thought the whole thing was hilarious. Fortunately I had just been untied from the bed before it happened.

You see Blondie had tied me up that night right after we had left wifey at a night club. This was our second night with Blondie and the weekend had fast become a thrilling sexual adventure for the three of us. But here I was at this moment alone with Blondie and she had taken the liberty of tying me up. She was good. She was really fucking good. She flipped her hair over her head and stroked my whole body with it. It was sensual, delicious and felt like nothing I felt before. I marveled in my first moment/experience with rope. The power, the control, the trust, all elements that had my head swirling.

Wifey returned to the hotel room later and the two of them decided that with just a couple hours left before my special weekend was over that they would treat me to a special surprise. Looking down on my cock I was pleasantly awakened to see both of them, both of their faces within inches of it. Yes, two beautiful women licking, rubbing, sucking, and massaging my cock. It really is true that having both of them move their mouths up and down on it together was a feeling that you can't explain or mimic. It just felt so good.

With just one hour left before checkout, I grabbed both of their dildo's which were already on the bed, and I began to pleasure both of them. Yes, my right hand and my left hand were feeding two beautiful vagina's at the same time. The ladies were laying side by side, legs spread apart and I took a mental snapshot that no one can ever take away from me. As luck would have it, they both took about 15 minutes to really get warmed up and they were literally in sync, in harmony with each other. I juiced them up with some more lube and both women climaxed together.

God damn . . . just a fucking amazing moment, a beautiful memory and a great way to finish our weekend with Blondie.

Fortunately the picture in the beginning of this post was not our hotel. Can you imagine if your candle started that fire though?

Change is the Only Constant

Yesterday I get a phone call from wifey and Dewey knew in an instant, in that first breath, that there was trouble. Maybe it was the sobbing on her end, the barely able to speak gut wrenching sadness kind of cry. I knew right away that she finally did it, she broke up with her boyfriend. They'd been together for almost 4 months and as I've said before I was so happy for her to have found this guy, and happy for her to fall in love with him. They were a "hot" couple and their energy was so positive.

But alas, their relationship was unhealthy, and she did the brave, courageous thing by walking out on him and leaving him. It took guts, and I commended her, and later I hugged her and offered whatever help I could. But mostly I just listened to her and let her try and sort through her actions, her stance, and her disapproval of his behavior. He has some deep seeded jealousy, possessiveness, and abandonment issues, and whenever he smoked weed, or drank excessively these skeletons leaped out the closet. She decided that enough was enough and that she wouldn't put up with his shit. I commend you wifey, and yes, I do think that if he cared enough about you, about your relationship, that he would put aside some of his habits, and do what it takes to make himself healthier as a human being. (FYI - she doesn't know I blog. No one knows, except you my dear readers/fans/fantasy fucks).

If you find yourself in an open marriage and your spouse gets really attached to someone and then they break-up, you may find yourself in a position where you offer the kind of support, or love, or empathy that you wouldn't have ever thought possible. There's no way in hell that I could have ever thought this scenario possible just 5 years ago, or 10, or 15. Who can predict such interesting dynamics? I discussed this topic with Sexy Sadie and found that she too had experience with it. We agreed that having a spouse there for you, when things do go bad, or when the relationship does end, can be a huge support to that person who's struggling and who may be hurting. I just didn't envision being that kind of person. Wifey thanked me over and over again for my kindness and support and my response was that I knew that she would do the same for me if I was feeling the way she was. I knew she would be there for me, so I chose to be there for her, yesterday, and now.

The last four months Dewey has been supportive and generous in giving wifey plenty of time to explore her relationship and to be with her boyfriend. She was gone maybe two nights out of the week while I was at home being the sole parent. Now however things have changed and the wheels are about to turn in a 180 degree turn.

I met someone recently!!

Yes I fucking did. I met someone right here in my town, and to top it off, the first time that she and I spent good quality time together was at a party where both my wife and her (ex)boyfriend were there. That has been somewhat of a hurdle you know: "Yes, young lady, I would like to date you, and yes, I do have kids, and btw I am married and still live in the same house with my wife". Not too many women find that scenario very attractive, no matter how good looking I may be. But no, not this time, and not with this woman. She knows about the situation and she still wants a piece of me. I'll call her TallChick since she's about 5'10". Oh, she's slim, nice curves, fantastic tits, a nice ass, and she's funny, witty, precocious, adventurous, flirty - all traits I find attractive in a woman. Did I tell you that she has a job too? Ha! Seems like these days thats got to be an attractive quality.

I am ready! I am so ready for a normal, ok, somewhat normal, relationship with a woman where we can do normal couple things, have dates, travel, snuggle, and do all manner of wickedness together. Yes, I've been looking for someone that can I can fuck on a consistent basis and have her close to me. Close emotionally and physically. I've got so much to give, to offer and I'm ready to both give and receive. It was Southern Girl that wrote recently that she was starved for both physical and emotional connection, and I can identify with that. Not having to drive an hour and 1/2 to meet someone just to fuck, who's cheating on their husband has been a hit and miss letdown. Fucking is nice, but fucking someone you care about, whom you have a connection with is more my style.

Last weekend TallChick and I had the privilege of driving around town for 30 minutes and finding every damn hotel room full. Every place said no vacancy. Surely this is how Joseph must have felt when he was carting Mary around and there was "No room in the Inn", except that she's no Virgin Mary, and we were not about to have a baby, thank god!!

And So It Begins

I've been tempting myself to start writing about my passions and frustrations for the past year. Leave it to a few bottles of Stella to get the courage to get started. Hi, I'm Dewey and I like the F word. I like to say it, I like to do it, and I had to have it in my title. As you get to know me you'll find out why I came up with the blog title. It has a variety of meanings. I don't want to just jump right in and explain them because that would spoil it all, and I don't feel like writing any spoiler disclaimers. But really, the sound, the phonetics of the F word, are so pleasing to my ear. I often create new words from the F word. I invite your submissions. My favorite is fucktacular. Why shouldn't something that's fucking spectacular just be called fucktacular?

I'm in my mid 30's but physically feel the best I have ever felt in my whole life. I've been married for 15 years and my marriage is easily the biggest challenge I've ever faced. They say that 1/2 of marriages end in divorce and I say that the other 1/2 are plotting and scheming for one. In other words, I think marriage should not be the "journey" or even the "destination". If it's the journey, then I want off, I want a ticket to go back home. If it's the destination then why does it always look so much more glamorous on television?

I'm not here to bitch about my partner. No, that would be too easy. And in all fairness, she doesn't have her side to tell, right along with my version, on this blog, so I'm going to do what I feel comfortable with - leave the drama out of this. Besides, all you married folks out there know what I'm talking about already. And if you don't, or if you've only been married for a short while, just wait, or just have a few kids and you'll understand where I'm coming from. You may not agree but that's alright.

More introductions - I have kids from my marriage and they alone are the single reason I stay married. However, Dewey and wifey have come up with our own arrangements to navigate this awkward time in our relationship. These arrangements are with the understanding that we want what's best for our children, and that means putting aside our own needs for there's. I firmly believe that kids will do better with two loving parents in the home, and besides, neither wifey or Dewey want to be separated from our kids. So I live, as a married man (filing jointly on taxes/which saves money), yet separated in every way with wifey, yet living together. Make sense? Great. I'm glad you could follow me.

More to come on that arrangement . . . .