Wednesday, July 8, 2009

In the Beginning

My marriage is a failure. So say many of the people I know, or who I've known, that got a divorce. This describes, in my best guess all divorced couples and a good portion of couples still together. This is Dewey's theory. Monogamy is a bitch. My marriage, on the other hand, has evolved. It is unconventional in most peoples eyes. Some of my critically judgemental friends (just a few of those) think that the way I live is bad for my kids. They think the kids would be better off with separated parents since wife and I don't have a physical relationship at all. But then, some of them admit that they haven't been married as long as me so 'who are they to judge'. And they're right. You can't judge when you haven't lived in my shoes.

Our world into this open relationship began a couple years ago. We had recently come out of a heavy religion, one which consumes your life almost wholeheartedly. I grew up in this religion and missed out on many great experiences. Many!! So we left together and suddenly this whole new world opened up. It started with some nervous communication. We started talking about people that we had crushes on, people we would consider fucking. Those discussions became more like negotiations and we established rules, some of which were very similar to
these ones posted by Sadie.

The first time we played together with an outside person was the fulfillment of one of her fantasies. She picked, with my approval, a very good looking young man, law school student. We picked him up and drove him to Vegas. She had met him once before so he wasn't a complete stranger. As I drove the car, he played in the backseat with her. I watched in the rearview mirror with shear pleasure. I could watch people fucking all day and even with my wife straddling this lucky young lad in the backseat I had no feeling of jealousy or possessiveness. I was, and continue to this day, to be happy for her to explore her sexual needs and desires. Its a mutually accepted practice in our marriage. This could only work if both of us wanted the other to be happy. Simple yet real. She's fucking in the backseat, the car is bouncing up and down, and she arches back to kiss me while I keep one eye on the road. It was a defining moment for us.

That trip was an unforgettable weekend. I fucked this woman that we had joining us later. She was a model from Europe, with a thick accent. We all shared a room together and had a perfect orgie of sweaty bodies hot pussies and cocks galore. My first time having two woman together, and so many other things. I knew then that I could get used to this, that I could find my 2nd life here in my mid thirties.

My wife and I had many more adventures together after that first Vegas weekend. Some together and some apart. We continued discussing the rules and things were working out well. At some point our thirst, our attraction for each other faded. We lost the spark. It happens. Some people say that open relationships never last. That's possible. For now, for our kids sake, we'll stay partners in parenting and keep them as our main focus. I think we owe them that.

Am I sad that we fell out of lust for each other? Yes and no. Yes because dreams that I had as a young naïve man are no longer, and no because we are living our lives and we're doing it successfully. I can pursue just about whatever path I want. She's got her boyfriend and perhaps I too will find what I am looking for. Whether it be a miraculous one night stand, or a steady girlfriend. I'm open to anything.


Sexy PTA Mom said...

Dewey, that was very well written. I am sorry the passion faded between you two, but it sounds like you have a pretty good arrangement now. I don't know that I could ever have that with my husband. I have shared him, but I always need to reclaim him as mine. Maybe some day I could be indifferent to him, but it is hard to imagine. Boy, that weekend sounds very, very hot!! Sorry if I'm not my usual coherent self. ;p Had a glass of wine after a long day, and I am feeling it!!

Sexie Sadie~ said...

People enter into, and remain in, marriages for various reasons. If yours is a partnership that works for the two of you, who is to say that it is doomed, or invalid, or not the correct way to do it. Sex is only a small part of a marriage, and honestly, it sounds like the two of you are making choices that work for the two of you, as YOU define it.

And the non-jealous feelings you have while watching your wife with another man, taking pleasure in it in fact is what the poly community calls "compersion" a mixture of pleasure and empathy. And it is truly beautiful.

(thanks for the link!)