I'm Done

I'm officially quiting.  Hanging up the hat, and leaving for good.  I started this blog with the intent of working on my Ashley Madison skills and hoping to procure new ones.  There was also this faint hope of meeting other women who are bloggers and using AM.  Maybe, I thought, I would have a better chance meeting my type of woman who was using that site if she could see more of me, more of my personality than what AM allows for.  You may recall that I was using that site for a long time and had just a few experiences that kept me going back to it.  Most of the time it was a lot of fucking wasted time.

In the meantime, the blog gave so much more than I could have imagined.  You, my blog crushes, and the few men who stay in touch gave me so many ideas and inspired me to pursue what I've always wanted, whatever that want was.  And what I want now has nothing to do with AM anymore.

Ohhh, what... what  did you think I meant?  I'm not qutting blogging I'm quiting AM, for good.

I've emailed Mr. Riff Dog to see if he wants my credits.  He deserves them.  What an amazing writer and flair that man has.   ashleyandme  I thought to myself, if I could write as half as good as him that I might enjoy blogging.  So thanks Riff.

I don't need Ashley Madison anymore.  It's just not my thing .  It hasn't been now for a while.  The last time I met someone from there I had to end it before it even got started really because suddenly I felt like I wasn't being truthful about my current situation.  Yes, I told her I was married, but no, I didn't tell her that divorce papers were filed.  You see, there's an underlying theme to AM and one which I don't want anything more to do with: cheating and lying.  Mind you, I never cheated on my wife, or have cheated on a partner in which I was in a monogamous relationship with.  But, most of the people I was meeting were cheating and that doesn't feel right to me now.  My preference is more for a totally honest/open approach to sex, and to relationships.  

Goodbye AM.  Of course the blog continues.  How could I close down the fountain of inspiration that pours through?

Just a Bite?

I don't normally eat desserts at all  as they are too sweet and I am cautious of my sugar intake.  Over the past four years I've come to really look upon desserts as something I am not interested in at all.  Seriously, you can bake brownies, or cookies, or cakes and I won't even look at it.  It took a lot of restraint and self control but I trained myself to stay away from sugar.  Until now...

Your cake is the most enticing thing I have seen in a long long time.  The smell has me positively intoxicated from head to toe.  But why? Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?  It looks and sounds so fucking delicious.  I don't know who came up with that saying or why, but it applies now more than any other time.  I want to start with just smelling the cake, slowly inhaling the icing, the flour, the sugar, and the flavors.  It smells fucktacular.  My nose is right up in it, and I can't help but lick it and to sneak a taste.

Yes, you're right, I can't do that because I can't eat it, but eating it is all I desire.  Maybe I can have a bite someday.... maybe one day, sooner than later.

Shoulder

I posted a while ago that I was frustrated by a couple injuries that I had, that were preventing me from exercising.  Well I am happy to say that with time, they got better, and my shoulder is feeling superb.  Would love for you to feel it.  If I were on top of you would you feel my chest and work your way up to my shoulders with your hands?  I invite you to.

Instant Gratification

You stand before me by the bed looking intense, with purpose.  Your body, your pose is seduction, defining it with your femininity.  You want something, and yet you also look vulnerable.  It's alluring, the combination, the contrast of  purpose and risk written on your face.  Although . . . it's not really risky, because truly how could I turn you down?  Ever.  How could I reject you looking like the divine heavenly/earthly creature that you are.   It's impossible, it would go against all laws of nature.

I see you.... wearing your black silky panties inviting me to worship that which I already worship more than any religion or deity.  Your skin, milky white, like satin, so smooth and creamy.  Your eyes are deep blue, and your hair is the same color as your panties.  This look is biologically and chemically attractive.  My brain cannot deny it.  My pheromones shout it out.  My cock feels an instant warmth in just the site of you. Yes, it's more than alive.

Walking without hesitation toward you, our lips connects.  Eyes in deep connection. As we stand facing each other my hand reaches forward and slides underneath your silk and into your other lips feeling your hot cunt with my fingers.  I slide my fingers very gently on your lower lips while biting your upper lips with my teeth.  You gasp.  You moan.  It's too much too quick, but you asked for it, and I feel the gentle release of your warm lubricant on my fingers, as your cunt spills its delicious sweet sex.  We continue to stand facing each other.  My cock is at full strength, and my fingers sliding between the folds of your wet pussy.

Unbutton my jeans.  Don't tease me!  This is instant gratification and I want your gratifying hand on my cock.  Squeeze me.  Listen to me moan as we continue to kiss each other.  My fingers work to elicit your juices and I began to push upward toward you, finding the inside walls of your pussy.  Don't!  Don't move.  I am fucking you now furiously with my hand gratifying that insatiable urge your cunt feels for touch, for fuck.  The only acceptable movement is your hand stroking my cock vigorously.  Up and down, faster, faster, grip it harder.  I lean in toward your chest, targeting that succulent nipple and I suck.  Hard.  One hand fucking you the other hand holding the back of your curly dark hair tight.  Holding your head exactly where I want it, I see that you are about to cum.

How else may I gratify you lover?

Funny and Hot - The Deadly Combo

A woman that can make me laugh and who is attractive is the double knock out for me.  Often times I meet someone who is wicked funny but whom I am not attracted to. Or I meet someone is deadly hot and has no sense of humor.  Rachel Feinstein, whom I have never met, is both funny and very attractive.  I wanted to share her latest you-tube video which I thought you all might get a kick out of. You may have seen her on comedy central or last comic standing.

Grab My Ass

Click my ass


She's waiting in traffic, texting me, telling me that she needs me and needs me now. I tell her to come upstairs when she gets here, and that I'll be waiting for her. I wait, wait in these striped pants, and when she gets here she takes them off instantly. Now I'm on top of her and she grabs my ass, feeding her nails into it. It hurts but it feels so good. Fuck! "Fuck me she says." Say it louder.

I Cheated

I had a hotel date very recently.  It was my 2nd time to meet this woman. The backdrop for our getting together was practically written for me, right out of my own blog, out of my own fantasies.  This woman and I met nearly 6 months ago but didn't really hit it off.  I was curious though.  On that interesting night we went out as a group together, leaving the hotel and partying till late at night.  My date for that night was already established and I had no less than a good time, but I was curious what was happening in the other room next door with this girl.  She had me curious.  She's stunningly beautiful.  Fast forward to this past weekend, and the circumstances couldn't have been better. Here she is with me and she wants nothing more than a friend with benefits, a fuck buddy.  This, among other things was exactly what I was open for.

Before we met, we exchanged a few emails.  Both describing to each other why we wanted this kind of relationship and what the rules were.  I even came up with a "safe-word" that either one of could say if we thought the other was crossing the line.  She understood exactly what my situation was and promised me not to get clingy, or emotionally attached to me.  And vice versa.  It was a fairly easy discussion, and she admitted that she did not want to get involved with someone right now.  She wanted to get her life back on track, to take care of herself and not get caught up with someone while also acknowledging my need to not have to take care of another persons emotional needs now since I am already loaded in that department. It was almost like a business transaction, sprinkled with lust and passion.

We met, had dinner and wine, and chit chatted about things.  Nothing too deep, just small talk, and then off to the hotel.  Candles lit, music playing, and before you knew it we were kneeling on the bed facing each other and kissing.  Good kissing.....just right, hands exploring each other.  She undid my belt buckle and seemed to take pleasure in slowly unbuttoning my pants.  I watched her with eagerness and anticipation as her hands pulled my pants down then traveling over my underwear to find my cock, squeezing it and teasing me.  Underwear off, all of my clothes off and my cock in her mouth -  I am on my knees leaning back using one hand to hold me up on the bed as I enjoy the moment.  She took her time, not rushing it but just enjoying my member.  One hand squeezing the base of my cock, the other hand intermittently massaging my balls.  She had good technic ;).  Not great, but good.

Our fuckfest lasted for a good 10 hours, intermixed with a little bit of sleep here and there.  How does that happen and where did I get my mojo to keep it up for that long?  Well I cheated.  I took a Levitra pill before we got to the room.  Booking a hotel date happens once or twice a year and I wanted it to be spectacular.  I wanted it to last, and last it did.  Unfortunately for her, it did.  I came three separate times.  Apparently it took her 3 full days before she could  feel normal again, because I evidently bruised her cunt with the marathon episode.  For that I'm kind of sorry.  What does that feel like to walk around for 3 days feeling sore in your pussy?  I don't know. But is it wrong to sneak a Levitra in on a fuck-date, where you know that all you are doing is fucking?  She seemed to really enjoy it at the moment but didn't care so much for the after affects.

One final footnote --Ladies....I cannot for the life of me understand how I attract a woman who does not want me to go down on her !?!?  This is almost a joke.  When I tried to go there with her she pulled me back up and wouldn't let me? I almost stopped to ask, "Really, you read my blog...?  You've read how this has happened to me more often in the past year than I care to quantify?  Why don't YOU want me to do down on you?  I've heard a few reasons, but regardless, I wish you could just lay down spread em and let me have at it."  Ok, I didn't say that of course, but I was thinking it.  Or maybe I was thinking that she just needs to sit on my face and let go of whatever emotional or physical block she had built.  Anyhow, I can't complain too much.  She had exactly the body I have been craving.  And now I crave it just a little bit more.

HNT - It's All in Your Technic

I really didn't think I'd see myself here again on HNT but you just never know.  Here's to having proper technic.  When it comes to women, a man can always work on it.

It's June 2010

Today is like any other day.  It's June, and summer is just unfolding.  The date is a bit strange.  I hadn't really thought about it too much other than two things.  First, today was the anniversary of my marriage that is in the final stages of dissolution.  I'm ok with that.  I'm more than ok.  In fact it's really time for me to stop talking about it, except for the fact that she lives down the hall from me.  We do interact like roommates in a well oiled machine to make the moving parts of our family continue along.  We are still family, and my former spouse now plays the role that's a little bit like a sister-in-law.  Does that make any sense?  Well, maybe what I meant is a sister-in-law that you used to have sex with.  Ahhh, just forget it.

The other thing that happened on this date was exactly a year ago I had  the best one-time fuck fest I've ever had.  You may have already read about that.  I still think about this woman and that indelible mark she left in my history book of greatest fucks ever.  It was a one time thing to never be repeated.  It was a mind-fuck of sorts.  So yea, that happened exactly a year ago today.   And yes, it happened before divorce was an answer, and with my former spouses knowledge.  If you could have read her text to me that morning just before my tryst, you'd know that I couldn't hate this woman (my ex).  She supported me having fun like that.  She still does.

So what?  Or, now what?  I haven't felt much like blogging lately.  My sexual adventures, my system is stalling a bit.  Earlier this week a blogger and I exchanged emails about what I could or should do now.  Perhaps that was more like the blogger told me to stop looking and just enjoy life.  To just "be".  Looking for what you might ask? Well, looking for something that I haven't had or felt for a really long time.  Looking for love.  I know . . . this conjures up some country music song.  That's kind of what the blog has been about.  Some of my posts have been about sex, and purely sex, or about relationships, but I want to have something special with that one person.  Maybe that's monogamy talking, maybe in my fantasies its more of a polyamorous thing, but shit, you have to start at least with one person, and this isn't just about fucking.  Sex is part of it, but this runs deeper.

The blogger posed a question to me. "Do you have to date?".  And the answer I gave is yes.  I want love.  Is that so shameful to admit, or say.  But for now, the quest to find love is freaking elusive.  Some suggest stop looking all together and love will find you.  Some suggest, at the very least to not be desperate, and to not appear too available.  I concur with both.  Others say don't reveal very much about yourself.   Let there be mystery about yourself.  Be enigmatic.  That has actually been some of the best dating advice ever.  But alas, my experiences have led me to believe thus far that 80% of women are not interested in any kind of a relationship with a man who lives in the same house with his former spouse and kids.  It's like I'm unavailable or something?  Which is totally true . . . . and I'm not moving out, though at times my former spouse drives me to this type of fantasy.  But yet, I am also capable of showing, giving, having a normal committed relationship with a woman.  So far the other 20% I've found that are OK with it, are single, and are single for some very clear reasons.  Reasons that I don't find attractive.

What pisses me off though is that I don't want advice that says to just let it go, to just be, or just stop searching, or some variation of that.  Dammit I'm a man, we men hunt, and we pursue, and I won't just give up looking.  I am not getting any younger.  I feel like time is not kind to people who are alone, or feel alone.  If you're a woman, perhaps it's impossible to understand what I'm feeling, on many levels.  Increase your testosterone hormones and live with your ex down the hall.  Maybe then you'd be able to empathize better.  If you're a  man, then you're probably thinking to yourself, "dude, you got to get out of that house".  I hear that, but for now, I choose to see my kids daily.  So maybe that's a trade-off I have to live and deal with.  I would choose my kids over anything or anyone else.  But can I have both?

Please whatever you do, don't give me encouraging advice.  I will be alright.  I don't need encouragement or support, I just want to vent what's on my mind.  I would like to to find someone who shakes up my world and stabilizes it all at the same time.  Someone who knows that my situation is somewhat temporary but yet is willing to ride that ride with me not knowing exactly where it goes or how it will end.  It's unconventional for sure, but it doesn't mean I can't offer that special someone a good ride.

.

Have I Learned Anything from Blogging?

I started blogging a year ago.

*quick celebration*

party, dance, toast, and adjourn

What thoughts do I share in my one year anniversary?  What deep dark secrets do I confess?  Simple:  Can we as a society get off this bandwagon that says relationships have to last forever?  That's it!  That's all I have to ask.  Meaningful, full, committed relationships can have an expiration date and that can be ok.  Yes.... it can.  "To have and to hold till death do you part" -- be damned.

Marriage is an institution that is outdated.  The tradition began so long ago that I can't even fathom that kind of timeline.  It's a tradition that is no longer necessary for what it was started for.  What I can fathom is that I would love to walk up to woman who takes my breath away and say to her, "You and I have something special, we have a connection.  We can learn from each other, we can take from each other and give.  We can and should laugh together.  Let's travel together, let's soak each other up and embrace this next chapter in our lives together... but let's do it with the notion that our time together will most likely come to an end.  Our journey may be long, or it may be short, but let's enjoy this ride wherever it takes us and let's be realistic (in an optimistic way).  We may come to the realization that at some point, our relationship will have completed itself.  Let's be ok with that."

I know that was a mouthful.  These aren't literally words I would use, but the concept is real for me.  The concept is also powerful, and what I would like people to understand is that I believe we can learn and grow from a variety of people, from new relationships, and from new experiences.  This is one reason why I support, to some extent, open marriages, and polyamory.  It's also why I think people cheat. It's not just about sex.

My parents taught me that marriage was for time and all eternity.  They were examples of this kind of life-long monogamy that I am dubious about.  They believe that once they both die that they will be reunited in some heavenly sphere that will bind them together for forever.  They are not alone as many faith believing people hold onto to these ideas.  I once believed the same thing.  The idea of that now scares the shit out me.  The same person, for eternity?  And you call that heaven God?  I'd say that's closer to a living hell.

Getting married is not for me most likely ever again, but not because I am afraid of commitment.  I like commitment.  I prefer it over the months and months of dating and meeting new woman.  But I am a realist.  The words that I used to describe what I would want with this woman are exactly the kinds of ideas that I wish we as a society would embrace.  I don't need marriage to prove my love, to prove my commitment because my actions will speak louder than that damn piece of paper or ring on her finger.

Now.... let's get back to laughing together.  That was my favorite part....

Buzz Buzz Buzz

So much is buzzing around in my brain that I thought I should make a bullet point list of some of them.

• There are a few bloggers out there that need me to earn about one extra zero on the end my salary so I can live a fantasy or two.  Fucking economy!?  Get better already.  Ok, maybe they don't need me, as much as I want them. 
• My body is nursing two injuries now and I need them to be healed quickly.  One of them, my shoulder, is keeping me from my routine at the gym, and I feel gross.  And my knee is keeping from doing my basketball - cardio thing.  I need the healing angel to come and come quickly.   
• I'm living two worlds right now.  One is still in AM and about to begin a new journey with someone new.  The other is dabbling in some "single" dating life meeting hot girls on normal web-sites like Plenty of Fish or Match.  Let's hope those two worlds don't ever get mixed up.
• All around me I see beautiful women, and some of them are extraordinarily hot.  Single too.  I'm surrounded by so many people yet often feel alone.  Poor me huh?  Don't worry too much though.
• I often wonder if I continue this blog for the right reasons.  Is it good for me, does it record my thoughts some how for safe keeping?  Or do I do it because I love the attention and the advice?  
• I've been called "adorable" many times over lately in the past 6 months.  Women who barely meet me use the word.  Is that good?  Do I want to be adorable?  Maybe I want another adjective like "insatiable"?  I don't know.  How about "fucking hot"?  Too much?
• My new AM woman is really cute.  Her body is just like the woman I posted like 2 or 3 posts ago.  I want that.  I like a woman I can pick up and pin against a wall.   She's super funny too.  We're meeting for the 2nd time tomorrow and I know it will be stepped up in terms of something physical.  Perhaps a kiss?  Maybe more.  It's not really defined in terms of how fast it needs to go.  Marathon . . .  or a sprint?  I'm not sure and it's the mystery that is so fun.
• I feel some level of guilt for not tending to my blog regularly, or paying attention to others.  
• I still love beer, perhaps more than the normal guy my age.  
• My home is perfectly divided. I have my own room, and the kids are happy in their respective rooms as well.  My former spouse has the master bedroom so she can't complain too much since that's the nicest room in the house.  Neither she or I have ever had our own rooms before.  We've always shared with someone.
• Ex-Wifey has had some girlfriends sleeping over recently and these girls are super hot.  They'll often sleep in her bed with her.  I imagine that both of them come in my room together in the middle of the night to quench their thirst for my cock and yet somehow it hasn't happened, and trust me, it never will, and I'm ok with that. A guy can fantasize right?  
• Sabrina was over at my house last weekend, late, late at night.  Everyone was gone.  I haven't had a woman in a long time and it felt wonderful.  We kissed each other all over for a long time and eventually she decided to take me into her mouth.  She took all of me, and then some.  It was immensely pleasurable.  Next time its her turn.
• I've been talking to a woman for about a month now that I find extremely attractive.  She's really got me kinda wound up.  If she's anything in real life like she in on the phone or on email, I could really get into the idea of a normal relationship.  Normal, monogamous, and somewhat healthy.  No?  Yea, I miss being loved, as in adored, and worshiped.... even if just for a moment.  I'll take it.  But I'll most likely give as much if not more of it back.
• Just bought a memory foam mattress, and yet I wonder if I want my bed to remember everything that takes places there??  hhhhmmmm (pondering)

Cheers Everyone

Discovering You - Discovering Me

I've gotten a lot of really good advice lately about my relationship strategy, or my "fucking system".  Some of these personal messages have been long, but really well written and thought out.  At times I ask myself what the fuck did I do to deserve such attention.  I'm not sure, but I gladly accept it.  Thank you for doing that, and thank you for being so honest (you all know who you are).  I've been applying some of that advice.  I'm glad to say that I feel as though its working.  No complaints here.

My 6th AM date is scheduled for this weekend.  It's either date #6 or #7, and it's with someone in my town.  It was a year ago that I had an AM date with someone here locally, and I'm very happy to say that she and I are still close friends.  This new girl and I have been corresponding and it's a lot of the usual, but I've toned down  what I would normally say at this point.  I'm holding back a lot of info which feels great and stirs up more mystery about me.

In talking to this fair maiden, I thought about why people need to cheat, or perhaps, why they have an open marriage, get a divorce, or even why some stay single forever.  It's about discovery.  It's about being discovered, in many ways, over and over again, and it's about being the discoverer.  It isn't just about sex, it's much more than that, and in many cases sex isn't even the best part about it.  Perhaps this is the age old question, " Are we humans meant to be monogamous?"  I'm not going to dive into that though.

To discover someone, and to be discovered is about attraction, and about intimacy.  It's also affection, or simply the touch of another human being.  It can be soft, or sweet, and simple as a kiss.  But it can also be about discovering anew ones body, to find chemistry and passion.  I think this is what drives many married people to boredom.  I said many....not all.  I get bored with routine.  I want something new, I want to discover and be discovered all over again.  This is what I love about all of my experiences.  Surprise me, or give me something unexpected.  It doesn't mean we don't love our primary partners, or take anything away from them but there comes a time when we want something that we don't have, we want to explore, to seduce someone, and/or be seduced by someone else.

Look at all of the great explorers from the past, from our world history.  These guys never discovered one place and just sat there chilling till their deaths.  Discovery and exploration were in their blood.  That's how I feel about my theory.  Are we meant to stay with the same person forever?  (oops, that's not what this post is about).   I want to get chills with that new person, I want my heart to thump loudly, and when we kiss I want it to last forever, but hey, I don't want to settle there in that new town for the rest of my life, I want to go out and get those chills all over again.  

Marco Polo inspired many like Columbus and others in their quests to explore the earth, the world.  I too am inspired as well, by the likes of all of you bloggers to explore my sexual world, to discover new people, new places, and to have new adventures.  I also enjoy being discovered myself.  Shall I leave you a map to my bedroom, and/or a map of my body?  Well there no is map for my body.  Not until you discover it yourself.

"Land Ahoy hot bitches!"  lol

Divorced and Forced

Holy shit, I'm not the only one living like this.  It's good to know there are others I suppose.  Two nights ago I had some ideas about this trend, and perhaps a way to have a business based on these concepts.  Divorced and living together in the same home.  Well, in my case, I'm not forced to live in the same house with my spouse, but to move out would mean everyone has to lower their standard of living.  It also means that I don't get to be surrounded by my kids and see them everyday.  That would be devastating for me and for them.  Sometimes when I'm away from them for 2 or 3 days I really  miss them and they miss me too.  So no, I'm not gonna have a custody battle when it isn't necessary and this living arrangement isn't for forever.  Thank Gawd!!

Oh, if you're living in this kind of arrangement too, and if you're a hot woman, in southern California, well we should meet.  I want to go over my ideas with you, and maybe have a glass of wine while we explore.  haha!!  I'm working on exploiting all angles now.

Back to the Drawing Board

AM date #5 proceeded Saturday afternoon and I was anxious in a good way.  Yes, this time I didn't forget to have lunch and I was feeling pretty good.  We met at a coffee shop and talked for a little while.  The conversation was nice.  We've talked a lot on the phone and from email for about 7 months, and we finally were meeting.  Crazy huh?  Investing months of time, with an occasional text or email here or there.  Well much like my last AM date this woman was married and in an open marriage.  So far so good being that I prefer this kind of arrangement/friendship/relationship over a single woman.

We drove to another location and hung out together just talking and getting to know each other.  Was she hot?  Sort of.  When she smiled she was attractive, however from different angles I wasn't at all attracted to her.  All I could think about was "don't settle for someone for whom you are not totally physically attracted to".  I've been posting these kinds of warnings for myself on this blog for sometime now.

She talked a lot and at one point I was thinking that she's really talking too much and not really listening or laughing at my jokes.   Does that matter in the grand scheme of things when I really want to do is maybe fuck her?  Yes, and no, but there has to be both physical chemistry and that mental spark, and both were a little bit lacking.  

So, back to the drawing board where I continue to fantasize about about everything I want in partner and what I'm looking for.  Yes, if this were a movie it would be a lot like Weird Science, where I could design everything, a la carte style, the perfect partner.  Although a little bit of unpredictability is nice too.  How would I design that?  hhmmmm

Where are you woman?  Where are you women who are "attached" but looking for something fun on the side, looking for a friend-with-benefits, or a fuck-buddy?  Where are the women that are in an open marriage in my town?

Who Are You People?

I've gotten some really amazing comments from my posts recently.  Some of you, many of you, leave me comments that I find fascinating, and insightful.  It's like getting advice, but not just advice from a friend, but from multiple friends that know more about you than your real every day friends.  Strange how that works.  I've also gotten some emails from people that I don't know, but that write in this tiny little blogging community.  People read my blog, take time to write me offering personal suggestions and advice on how I can find the things that I'm looking for, that I want out of my life.  How fucking awesome is that?!?!  For these and many of your great comments lately I just want to say thank you.  I appreciate everyone of you who's stopped by and offered your thoughts.  They have really helped me to get perspective. I can literally float a question out there in this forum and have 10 fantastic answers within 24 hours.

I've been sick since Sunday night, but I just got some mojo back and I'm trying to stop by all of your blogs and return the favor.  In the meantime.  Please accept this cheesy sign as a small token of my gratitude.