Listen Up Universe

I've been going through a long dry spell lately. Yes, it's been dry as a bone without even a hint of rain. How long has it been since I've had really good sex, or been with a woman that I was really attracted to? How long? It's been a while, and I'd rather not count the months for you. The desert picture can paint a better picture for you than I can express in words

Instead of focusing on what I don't have and what my body aches for, let me focus on what I do want, my vision.  Universe, are you listening?  Pay attention because this is my open letter to you and alternatively my adult letter to Santa Claus:

I see her.  She makes me giddy.  I'm imagining her and the taste of her body. How magnificent those lips are and how delicious her tongue is. I love her hair and she has a wonderful smile. She makes me laugh. She's beautiful. She's what I've been waiting for.

Let it rain universe. Let it pour.
Sincerely,
Dewey

thank you southerngirl for the musical adaption of this post.   She has a unique gift for adapting music to words, and feelings.  You'd better go look at my favorite post of hers to see what I mean.

Listen Up Women

Recently I wrote a post that linked to a Craigslist ad called 'Observations on Sex from a Single Woman'. It doesn't really matter that she was single or married as I thought the observations were great insights on how to better yourself when it comes to bedding a female. I'd like to think of it as most of the good stuff that you never learned in sex-education or from your big brother. And certainly not all the ideas are applicable to every woman. That's why we have a thing called variety and everyone can have their own preferences. Yes, what a great fucking country we live in. You can choose what works well for you, and if anal sex isn't one of them then guys, don't surprise her with trying to slip it in the backdoor because she won't like it. Of course right? Common knowledge.

In the spirit of observing sex with the opposite sex I have opined my own tips for you ladies and while I don't speak for all men, I do speak for Dewey and I've got a few things to say. I've also enlisted the help of fellow male blogger Hubman to add something more to this post. He gave three pointers. The first contribution is from Hubman followed by me, Dewey.

Hubman Says:

We really do love lingerie, but don't go crazy, since it's just going to end up tossed on the floor. All you really need is a matching bra and thong, maybe a camisole instead. Don't bother with much else, okay?

Yes, sometimes I'll lose my hard-on when we're fucking, especially if a condom is involved. It happens and I'm perfectly capable of working past it. But please, DON'T take it personally, it's not because I don't think you're attractive. If I didn't, I wouldn't be fucking you in the first place.

You're curious about trying something new, pushing your boundaries a little, exploring a little kink? Don't be afraid to suggest something, if we haven't already suggested it ourselves! Chances are pretty good that we'll say yes.

Dewey's Basic Training:

When we're in the bedroom together and we start to kiss, my senses are running wild. I want to look at you, to taste you, and to smell you. Smell sets the tone. From a clean mouth to all the other areas it matters a lot. I once had a woman in my hotel room who reeked from b.o. It was a deal breaker. Bad breath is the same thing. Gum or listerine packs are the best.

The most important smell that sets the tone for our time together is a fresh vagina. I can't tell you how many times I've been with a woman who simply didn't wash up before play time. It can be so unpleasant that it overtakes the whole experience.

One woman used essential oils after washing up and I'm telling you that was the best pussy ever.

De-forestation is OK when it comes to your bush. I like trimmed, shaved or waxed, but come at me with a full bush and I'm likely to run away screaming.

The most sexiest attribute I have found about a women is when they are comfortable with their body. I'm not saying you have to love it, and be cocky about it, I'm just saying that when you think of yourself as a sexy woman, with a lot to offer and you don't think about or talk about your insecurities (and trust me, we all have them) I have found that to be so damn irresistible.

A woman who is confident with herself, or at least portrays confidence is my biggest turn on.

How do you turn me off? Being too needy outside of the bedroom. There's a fine line between having your needs met and going overboard with them. A woman voicing her needs , and getting all those needs met becomes hard for me, like a burden. A woman saying, " I need to know that you were satisfied with that sex, or with my body" turns me off. I married needy. I know needy, I know all about a women who is has no self-confidence and hates her body in spite of that body being a "10". I lived with that. It isn't sexy. It's kind of like the too much drama thing.

If in the act of sex you have needs that aren't being met please, by all means, tell me. I'm doing my best to read your body and please you but sometimes I'm not getting any clues or signals and I can't read your mind.

Let's say for a moment that you don't have a perfect body. Even if you're not a "10" imagine that you are. Believe it. I've had a few partners, who were good at this, who didn't need to be told how great they were, or never worried about me coming back for more. I found that sexy and it made me want to go back for more.

Don't ask me "does my butt look good". Never doubt that you have a fine ass. Love your ass, love your body. The more you love it, the more I will love it too.

If we're in bed together naked and having sex, and I want to explore all of you, please don't tell me that some areas are off limits. I've been told many times that I couldn't touch in places because those places were reserved for men who had made some special mental (emotional) connection with you. I like to earn my rewards but withholding areas of your body from me because we're not dating or exclusive just doesn't make sense. Play with me, or don't play at all.

Us men are not hard to please. Stroke our egos occassionally but not too much. Tell us that we're appreciated and give us hugs occasionally. Tease us, kiss us, and you'll have us wrapped around your perfect body in no time.

Afterthought: I love the female body. When it comes to sex and pleasing women, I try to use both heads correctly although God gave me only enough blood for one to function at a time.

What would sex advice to women be without a comment from the Riff Dog. Ladies, can you guess what his single piece of advice is?

"No teeth during blowjobs". Yea, I can't disagree with that.

Ladies and gentlemen I invite you to leave a comment that would add to this post. I spoke personally and I'm sure there are many things I missed.

Listen Up Men!

When I first started reading blogs, I think it was Riff's that I saw first, then I found Ms. Inconspicuous. Their posts, along with others, are where I started getting some much needed knowledge, or ideas. The timing couldn't have been better because I needed to reinvent myself sexually, to evolve as a man, as a lover. Was I getting boring? Perhaps, but becoming more confident and taking charge in the bedroom was something that I was not good at. I'll admit it. Reading some great posts was a window into a whole new world that began with adventures like this one for me.

In the spirit of evolving sexually and finding oneself I came across this post on the best of Craigslist. You may agree with some of it and not with others, but I post this for all the men out there, like myself, who are willing, wanting to improve their game, their love life, or simply their fuckability. Men, we have a duty to lend each other tips, advice, and I am doing that today:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1363379397.html

Observations on sex from a woman

Just for giggles:

Warning Signs - Top 10

Two warnings off the bat. A) This post is a little bit longer than normal, and B) this post starts off with a negative tone but life is good so don't worry about me. :-) Surely everyone can relate to some of this stuff.

Signs that your spouse isn't that into you anymore:

1. When you try to give her a kiss she ever so slightly moves her lips away and gives you something closer to her cheek.
2. When you ask her to have sex she expects you to be hard, at full attention without having given you any stimulus to get that way. Translation = seduce yourself.
3. When you're not rock hard come sexy time, she's not happy with you. Foreplay is long gone. Daily affection has whithered away. "Hey if you want a hug, you have to ask me for one. I don't know when you want one."
4. She'd rather give you a hand-job than let you pound her, and not just occasionally but most of the time.
5. She'd rather make out with the "local" boy at the bar then fuck the shit out of you on a vacation to Baja Mexico when that trip was really supposed to be about the two of you "re-connecting".
6. She's more into women than you. Although that started off as something really kinky.
7. Sex is not fun anymore. There's no smiles, there's nothing happy about it. It appears to be more of a duty than a wild, reckless, passionate romp.
8. When you notice that she's giving you a blow job but really thinking about something else and wondering when you're gonna get through with it.
9. When she has no idea how sex, within a committed monogamous relationship was a means for how I connected with her. Like no comprehension.
10. When it's your b-day and you look over at her and talk about b-day sex and she says "yes, I'd like to have that, I'd like to do that for you, but first we need to talk, we need to connect more emotionally before I can do that. I can't have sex when we're not emotionally connected." So we talk for an hour, it's getting late, I'm late for work, and after going through that exercise with her, still no b-day sex. So yea #10 = no b-day sex.

#10 Reminds me of the largest circular problem in my marriage when we were still together. That problem was that she needed me to be "connected" to her, to her needs, to her world, for her to want to have sex with me. I needed her to have sex with me so that I could be connected to her, and want to listen to her. After sex I loved this woman even more than ever. The act itself made me feel more bonded with her. Visualize that circular diagram. We went round and round and usually ended up nowhere, meaning I could only give so much to maintain that emotional thing she needed and it usually wasn't enough for her to want to have sex.

Ironically as soon as our marriage opened up she could/would start having sex with guys to which she had very little attachment to. I asked her to explain that and the bullshit answer isn't even worth sharing here.

Please understand that I am not bitter anymore. I don't hate this woman. I can even look at her in the arms of another man and think good thoughts about her (this happened yesterday). Our relationship physically had just expired like some bad milk. Perhaps I am fully comfortable with her in another mans arms because I am free from all of those above things that haunted me, or maybe because I know that he now must deal with the drama and the personality that I have come to disengage with over the past two years. I am free from having to try to maintain that intense emotional connection she needed, free from having to wonder if we will ever have good sex again because we won't. I swear there were times where she simply needed a girlfriend and used me as a substitute. I am a good listener, but fuck there has to be a payoff in the end and when that payoff, which included sex, started to whither away, I realized that this was no longer a warning sign, it was the end.

Would I ever get married again? No way. I think the ideal relationship/lover is someone who you see two or three times a week, spending as much as 24 hours or even 48 hours together, or as little as 30 minutes, going back to your separate worlds but still keeping a good loving connection between the two of you when you're not seeing each other. Hell, I can't even imagine wanting to live with a woman right now. What I dream about is something simple, something like sitting on a back porch sharing the moonlight, holding hands, drinking a glass of wine, making out, and fucking till midnight. Yes, a little romance, yes, a lot of fucking, but at the end of the day, one of us goes back home.

Oh, and I'll never ever share a bathroom with my lover. Never. I think that kills things too. And please don't share things with me that happened in the bathroom. Wifey always loved to do that, and it's disgusting. I never wanted to hear about your bowel problems or triumphs.

* Btw, the link I shared for Cabo Surf Hotel is where we stayed and in spite of the issues we had at that time, that place was the best surfing I ever experienced. If the right woman comes along, I'll take her and fuck the shit out of her there. I need a re-do. Any volunteers?

HNT: Mirror Image

I looked in the mirror Saturday night as I was applying all kinds of fake blood to my face and getting ready for a good old fashioned Halloween party when suddenly I thought to myself, perhaps this is an image worthy of HNT. So here you go all you hot-sex-blogging-adulterating bitches, a mirror image of Dewey.



Go to the other site for more fun and games.