Thursday, November 12, 2009

Listen Up Women

Recently I wrote a post that linked to a Craigslist ad called 'Observations on Sex from a Single Woman'. It doesn't really matter that she was single or married as I thought the observations were great insights on how to better yourself when it comes to bedding a female. I'd like to think of it as most of the good stuff that you never learned in sex-education or from your big brother. And certainly not all the ideas are applicable to every woman. That's why we have a thing called variety and everyone can have their own preferences. Yes, what a great fucking country we live in. You can choose what works well for you, and if anal sex isn't one of them then guys, don't surprise her with trying to slip it in the backdoor because she won't like it. Of course right? Common knowledge.

In the spirit of observing sex with the opposite sex I have opined my own tips for you ladies and while I don't speak for all men, I do speak for Dewey and I've got a few things to say. I've also enlisted the help of fellow male blogger Hubman to add something more to this post. He gave three pointers. The first contribution is from Hubman followed by me, Dewey.

Hubman Says:
We really do love lingerie, but don't go crazy, since it's just going to end up tossed on the floor. All you really need is a matching bra and thong, maybe a camisole instead. Don't bother with much else, okay?

Yes, sometimes I'll lose my hard-on when we're fucking, especially if a condom is involved. It happens and I'm perfectly capable of working past it. But please, DON'T take it personally, it's not because I don't think you're attractive. If I didn't, I wouldn't be fucking you in the first place.

You're curious about trying something new, pushing your boundaries a little, exploring a little kink? Don't be afraid to suggest something, if we haven't already suggested it ourselves! Chances are pretty good that we'll say yes.

Dewey's Basic Training:
When we're in the bedroom together and we start to kiss, my senses are running wild. I want to look at you, to taste you, and to smell you. Smell sets the tone. From a clean mouth to all the other areas it matters a lot. I once had a woman in my hotel room who reeked from b.o. It was a deal breaker. Bad breath is the same thing. Gum or listerine packs are the best.

The most important smell that sets the tone for our time together is a fresh vagina. I can't tell you how many times I've been with a woman who simply didn't wash up before play time. It can be so unpleasant that it overtakes the whole experience.

One woman used essential oils after washing up and I'm telling you that was the best pussy ever.

De-forestation is OK when it comes to your bush. I like trimmed, shaved or waxed, but come at me with a full bush and I'm likely to run away screaming.

The most sexiest attribute I have found about a women is when they are comfortable with their body. I'm not saying you have to love it, and be cocky about it, I'm just saying that when you think of yourself as a sexy woman, with a lot to offer and you don't think about or talk about your insecurities (and trust me, we all have them) I have found that to be so damn irresistible.

A woman who is confident with herself, or at least portrays confidence is my biggest turn on.

How do you turn me off? Being too needy outside of the bedroom. There's a fine line between having your needs met and going overboard with them. A woman voicing her needs , and getting all those needs met becomes hard for me, like a burden. A woman saying, " I need to know that you were satisfied with that sex, or with my body" turns me off. I married needy. I know needy, I know all about a women who is has no self-confidence and hates her body in spite of that body being a "10". I lived with that. It isn't sexy. It's kind of like the too much drama thing.

If in the act of sex you have needs that aren't being met please, by all means, tell me. I'm doing my best to read your body and please you but sometimes I'm not getting any clues or signals and I can't read your mind.

Let's say for a moment that you don't have a perfect body. Even if you're not a "10" imagine that you are. Believe it. I've had a few partners, who were good at this, who didn't need to be told how great they were, or never worried about me coming back for more. I found that sexy and it made me want to go back for more.

Don't ask me "does my butt look good". Never doubt that you have a fine ass. Love your ass, love your body. The more you love it, the more I will love it too.

If we're in bed together naked and having sex, and I want to explore all of you, please don't tell me that some areas are off limits. I've been told many times that I couldn't touch in places because those places were reserved for men who had made some special mental (emotional) connection with you. I like to earn my rewards but withholding areas of your body from me because we're not dating or exclusive just doesn't make sense. Play with me, or don't play at all.

Us men are not hard to please. Stroke our egos occassionally but not too much. Tell us that we're appreciated and give us hugs occasionally. Tease us, kiss us, and you'll have us wrapped around your perfect body in no time.

Afterthought: I love the female body. When it comes to sex and pleasing women, I try to use both heads correctly although God gave me only enough blood for one to function at a time.

What would sex advice to women be without a comment from the Riff Dog. Ladies, can you guess what his single piece of advice is?

"No teeth during blowjobs". Yea, I can't disagree with that.

Ladies and gentlemen I invite you to leave a comment that would add to this post. I spoke personally and I'm sure there are many things I missed.


Hubman said...

I don't know for sure, but I think you and I pretty well covered it. I'm with you on every point you made!

Topaz said...

Oh this is going to be one for 'the best of' posts, a classic, and I have to say I don't think you missed much. The one thing that's difficult about you men is the 'Stroke my ego but don't stroke it too much' bit. I've been caught with not knowing that fine line - and that's no easy art, because all men differ in the ego department!

All in all, I love this piece... great work boys!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Kudos to you! This my friend is a fabulous post. I am intrigued and amazed how you are connected with your emotions and depth of your emotional engagement. I remember reading one of your post that mentioned how you were had heard an ex telling you that she need you to be emotionally connected - something to that effect. It was not you who was emotionally diconnected, it was the other person. What a really awesome post. Looking forward to reading more!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

damn the errors when I said "how you were had heard" I meant to say "how you heard one of..."

Just me... said...

No teeth, huh? :):)~~
Great collaboration and good advice!!

wifegonebad said...

I think I'll have these tips tattooed on my inner arm so I don't forget! Good job guys and thank you!

Anonymous said...

This is great, but some guys dig a little teeth.

YOU are the HAWT.

Luna Mauvaise said...

I think it's sad that more women don't inherently know these things. But kudos to you fellas for pointing it out to them.


Anonymous said...

Love your frankness. It's what keeps me coming back again and again. Classic post!

Married Lover said...

Thanks to all three of you for compiling this list. It's unfortunate that some women don't know these simple rules, but I enjoyed reading it. I'll be sure to keep all of these in mind the next time....


Vixen said...

Loved this post.

CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. Male or female. A needy, insecure partner that needs constance reassurance is....ick. Love your body and let me explore it.


Ms Scarlett said...

You guys should hold workshops.... I'm just sayin'.

AWESOME post!!

Zeus said...

you guys nailed it, good work

Anonymous said...

I love that it is written in a practical yet honest perspective. It is easy to read, made me laugh (always a plus) and was of your opinion. You are right in saying that it wont apple to all men, or women but I agree with most (if not all) of what you a woman, I have the same perspectives.

Well done, gentleman.


Black Pearl said...

Great job guys, I loved this post! I'm proud to say that I follow the majority of your rules! Even just ordered some sexy lingerie to help spice up things for the man!!

Oh, and Dewey, hubby read the Craig's list rant you posted that I emailed to him, and he "says" that a lot of it made sense to him, and he knows now that I'm not the only woman that feels that way, and that he will try his best to follow her advice....Thanks we wait! LOL

Eva Huntress said...

This one deserves an award! well done! Essential oils huh? -taking notes- a question on that one specifically: don't those smell too strong, as to possibly become the "evidence of the crime"?.
Keep the tips coming!

Kate said...

I agree with Scarlett - seriously you could teach this!

Kate x

April said...

Great list!

This little piece of advice can go for men or women: Don't assume that because something feels good for you, it feels good for the other person too.

Oh and I'd like to give say something about blow jobs; Use your hand(s). I have yet to meet a guy who doesn't LOVE the hands. Plus, you can give your mouth a break and just jerk it while you seductively look at him as you lick his balls.

Anonymous said...

Arriving late to this party - awesome post!! And ya know, the older I get the more it is about confidence and expression - not what size I am or what my butt looks like in jeans. So I feel you on the clingy-need thing. Have known women like that and I just feel sorry for them - so desperate they are for approval....

Awesome post baby!

T said...

I loved the Craigslist ad. I sent it to my ex-bf when he was in Iraq... knowing that it would sound sexy as hell to him.

He said that she was a hateful feminist bitch whose only wish was to emasculate men.

I was like... huh? Who the hell are you and what did you do with my sexy boyfriend?

Yeah, that's why he's an ex.

Anyway, I love this. Absolutely LOVE IT.

And wait... girls actually say that parts are off limits? WTF?

Oh and I also have known men who like the use of teeth during a blow job. Just sayin'.


Anonymous said...

Hey, dewey, Thanks for explaining it so I could understand it. I got it. And thanks for visiting my blog.


Freckles said...

I thought that this was fairly on point but no teeth at all? LOL. I truly enjoyed this post. I will now follow.

Anonymous said...

Oh, are an inspiration.

I've been high and dry on things to write and finding the time to write them, but I have found that when something moves me as enthusiastically as this post did, I have no problem finding the time to write about it.

I appreciate this post, and actually have some questions, but I will save them for later because it's actually after 5 a.m. now and I must get to sleep.

Love, peace, and no

Storm said...

Wow... you covered a lot of material here and none of it sounds bad. You made some great points and you did it with a class A attitude instead of being snippy about it. Kudos to you and Hubman on a great post!!!

Sweet Elle said...

Find a way to absolve years and years of perfect women bodies being thrown at us and telling us that IT was the way we were suppose to look and I'd LOVE to not feel like my body isn't up to par! :)

Believe me, those of us who struggle with our body image, don't LOVE to struggle with it.

I just fake it til I make it! :)

Great suggestions guys.

Anonymous said...

Dewey, I loved this! I love it when men are direct about what they want and need. It's a huge turn on, not just in bed, but in life.

But Sweet Elle has a great point. Some of us, women AND men, are still trying to detox from that false, airbrushed physical ideal. It's too bad some find it impossible to get past it when we're undressing, how we don't "measure up" to a magazine cover or a porn star. I don't HAVE to hear how he likes my body when we're in bed together...but it really helps.

Barefoot Dreamer said...

You know I luv you right?

K - now how to get rid of my hubby?.........

Soul Powers said...

Dude, this was an excellent list. Sorry for not contributing, but I do think you guys hit all the major points I would have.

Anonymous said... back to my question (even though you took my post in response to this post way too seriously ::grin::)...

Bathing + shaving + essential oils = the best pussy ever?

I need to know what essential oils we're talking about here. For a couple of reasons: 1) Essential oils can be very strong and possibly irritating of such delicate skin and sensitive region, and 2) Essential oils aren't usually designed for their taste...

SO, what I'm wondering here is -- which oils did your lady friend use that didn't scald/hurt/irritate her lady bits? And did you go down on her during that time, and if you did, the oils didn't cause a bitter or unpleasant taste? Because I'm thinking something that smelled so yummy would be so inviting to bury your face in...but I wouldn't want my guy to get a mouthful of bitter oily grossness...

So fill a sister in, could ya?

Vodka Logic said...

Perhaps I missed a line or two or a meaning, but why is it you want your egos stroked a bit, not too much but if a woman says hows my butt it is a turn off..We want the same things.

Otherwise great post. xx

Anonymous said...

Wow. That's about all I can say. Wow. What you've just described were aspects about men that I have figured out on my own, and then some. Engaging a man is an art, a simple one, and a most pleasurable one. Thanks for the confirmation. - M

Cheeky Minx said...

I know I'm behind the eight ball here, but this is truly fabulous. (Much like the Craigslist post. That woman should be given a medal and a lifetime supply of condoms, lube and hot men for her contribution!)

I think I pretty much agreed with everything you said. Confidence, a sense of play, enthusiasm, and sexy, urgent passion do it every single time...