Warning Signs - Top 10

Two warnings off the bat. A) This post is a little bit longer than normal, and B) this post starts off with a negative tone but life is good so don't worry about me. :-) Surely everyone can relate to some of this stuff.

Signs that your spouse isn't that into you anymore:

1. When you try to give her a kiss she ever so slightly moves her lips away and gives you something closer to her cheek.
2. When you ask her to have sex she expects you to be hard, at full attention without having given you any stimulus to get that way. Translation = seduce yourself.
3. When you're not rock hard come sexy time, she's not happy with you. Foreplay is long gone. Daily affection has whithered away. "Hey if you want a hug, you have to ask me for one. I don't know when you want one."
4. She'd rather give you a hand-job than let you pound her, and not just occasionally but most of the time.
5. She'd rather make out with the "local" boy at the bar then fuck the shit out of you on a vacation to Baja Mexico when that trip was really supposed to be about the two of you "re-connecting".
6. She's more into women than you. Although that started off as something really kinky.
7. Sex is not fun anymore. There's no smiles, there's nothing happy about it. It appears to be more of a duty than a wild, reckless, passionate romp.
8. When you notice that she's giving you a blow job but really thinking about something else and wondering when you're gonna get through with it.
9. When she has no idea how sex, within a committed monogamous relationship was a means for how I connected with her. Like no comprehension.
10. When it's your b-day and you look over at her and talk about b-day sex and she says "yes, I'd like to have that, I'd like to do that for you, but first we need to talk, we need to connect more emotionally before I can do that. I can't have sex when we're not emotionally connected." So we talk for an hour, it's getting late, I'm late for work, and after going through that exercise with her, still no b-day sex. So yea #10 = no b-day sex.

#10 Reminds me of the largest circular problem in my marriage when we were still together. That problem was that she needed me to be "connected" to her, to her needs, to her world, for her to want to have sex with me. I needed her to have sex with me so that I could be connected to her, and want to listen to her. After sex I loved this woman even more than ever. The act itself made me feel more bonded with her. Visualize that circular diagram. We went round and round and usually ended up nowhere, meaning I could only give so much to maintain that emotional thing she needed and it usually wasn't enough for her to want to have sex.

Ironically as soon as our marriage opened up she could/would start having sex with guys to which she had very little attachment to. I asked her to explain that and the bullshit answer isn't even worth sharing here.

Please understand that I am not bitter anymore. I don't hate this woman. I can even look at her in the arms of another man and think good thoughts about her (this happened yesterday). Our relationship physically had just expired like some bad milk. Perhaps I am fully comfortable with her in another mans arms because I am free from all of those above things that haunted me, or maybe because I know that he now must deal with the drama and the personality that I have come to disengage with over the past two years. I am free from having to try to maintain that intense emotional connection she needed, free from having to wonder if we will ever have good sex again because we won't. I swear there were times where she simply needed a girlfriend and used me as a substitute. I am a good listener, but fuck there has to be a payoff in the end and when that payoff, which included sex, started to whither away, I realized that this was no longer a warning sign, it was the end.

Would I ever get married again? No way. I think the ideal relationship/lover is someone who you see two or three times a week, spending as much as 24 hours or even 48 hours together, or as little as 30 minutes, going back to your separate worlds but still keeping a good loving connection between the two of you when you're not seeing each other. Hell, I can't even imagine wanting to live with a woman right now. What I dream about is something simple, something like sitting on a back porch sharing the moonlight, holding hands, drinking a glass of wine, making out, and fucking till midnight. Yes, a little romance, yes, a lot of fucking, but at the end of the day, one of us goes back home.

Oh, and I'll never ever share a bathroom with my lover. Never. I think that kills things too. And please don't share things with me that happened in the bathroom. Wifey always loved to do that, and it's disgusting. I never wanted to hear about your bowel problems or triumphs.

* Btw, the link I shared for Cabo Surf Hotel is where we stayed and in spite of the issues we had at that time, that place was the best surfing I ever experienced. If the right woman comes along, I'll take her and fuck the shit out of her there. I need a re-do. Any volunteers?

Proposition: Is this one Weird?

Hot blogger friends, I need your answer to this question. Your time is limited so feel free to skip to the last two paragraphs.

Thank you to those that asked me to get back into the HNT spirit. It feels good. In fact I've had a very nice 4 days in a row now. I certainly wouldn't be back in the HNT saddle again if I wasn't feeling more like my happy-go-lucky-self. A huge reason why I am feeling better is because I let wifey know that I was very upset. Wifey and I got into a war of words on Sunday and it was the outlet I needed to get my frustrations off my chest. Not that I condone war, but I wasn't going to take it anymore. Neither of of us won this war, but that didn't matter. I said what needed to be said, even if she didn't want to hear it.

But really, I'm feeling better. I'm loving the on-line teasing, the flirting, and the (completely unrealistic) prospects of meeting some of my on-line crushes. Ok, well maybe not all of them are unrealistic. It's all a part of this crazy virtual world and its got my juices flowing again.

The reason I had to post today is because wifey propositioned me today for the darnedest fucking idea I have ever heard. Is this not twisted in some strange sense? Wifey has her boyfriend (boy-fuck-toy), who's got his ex-wife coming to town to visit for the weekend. Wifey tells me that so and so is coming, whom I've never met, and that the four of us should go out together. She tells me that her boyfriends ex really wants to get laid this weekend and that she's cute. huh? I fucking started to laugh on the phone. Are you kidding? You're setting me up with your boyfriends ex-wife? You're playing matchmaker now? After the yelling, cussing, and all that other heavy shit, you actually care about me getting fucked? I don't know what to make of that? It was just 2 weeks ago that I declared I would not socialize with her anymore. This is turning out like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode with polymory strings attached. Or not.

Besides, where would we all fuck anyways? He lives in a studio where his roommate sleeps on a couch and I frankly don't ever want to see wifey fucking anyone else ever again. Just don't need to see that. Nor do I want to see boy-toy naked. Now, his ex-wife, that might be different. Any thoughts??

Cock-Washer

Nope, no HNT from me today. I suppose you'll know that when you see another HNT from me that mentally, emotionally, and physically, I've returned to a more normal state.

Last weekend was wifey's birthday celebration. In fact, she's having an all out extended party lasting three weekends in a row. The first weekend was to Vegas, last weekend was the local party, and this coming weekend she'll go out for one overnight with her boyfriend. Add to that the fact that she's got a new job, and she's pretty much been busier then ever and I've had to pick up the job of parenting myself. Remember, its parenting four kids. They're good kids and young enough to not have found too much trouble but I've been busy lately.

To lessen up my workload I stopped seeing Tall-Chick. Thank you everyone for your support in my cutting that off. I'll tell you what I'll miss most about her. After we had sex, she would go to the bathroom, warm up the water, soak a towel in it, walk back to the bed, and completely clean my bits and pieces up. Yea, I'd never had a personal cock-washer before and she did such a nice job. She would tease it a bit too and get it hard again and that was always fun and giggles for her. So yea, I'm going to miss the cock-wash the most.

Ohh, she tempted me in such a bad way last weekend to come up to her place and take refuge for a night. She moved recently into the most beautiful house with an ocean view and I'm telling you that it was hard to say no, but alas, it was the right thing to do.

So wifey turned 40 and all of her family came in the past weekend surprising her for her birthday. I had been so literally overwhelmed by all the stuff lately that I really didn't even want to go to her bday party-dinner.

Fuck it.

That's kind of the nature of what I'm feeling toward her lately. I knew I would be uncomfortable there. Uncomfortable because I'm not mixing very well socially with her lately. We haven't announced to anyone in her family that we are going to get divorced. When her father got up to give a toast and referred to me and her, I wanted to stand up and exclaim that I wasn't technically really her partner anymore, but that the dude sitting right across from me, her on-off again boyfriend, was really the one fucking her and taking home the pussy prize. Me, I'm just the one that was dumb enough to pay for the new pussy, the vaginal rejuvenation, and breast job, but not really the one to enjoy the benefits of my investment. Ughh, oh yea, I haven't told you readers about the monies I've spent, before things went horribly wrong with wifey, and the economy, on all her "procedures" to fix what having four kids did to her body. That's a post for another time.

But you get the gist right? I'm there at a big table, lots of our friends, her family, and everyone, except a couple people, are expecting the two of us to dote over each other on this grand night, and I literally don't even want to be there. I'm ready for the secret to come out of the bag that we are simply parenting together and raising children but otherwise I've been over this woman for quite a while. So do I have a open marriage? Technically yes, but theoretically I can't stand to be around her, so what kind of marriage is that. It's not a marriage. At times lately I feel so imprisoned. Locked in a cage if you will. I can't run away from her and move on with my life because we have these wonderful kids that need us both. When we have that talk with our kids, which I will be pressing to happen real soon, and then we talk to our families, I think I'll feel just a little bit better. It will be progress.

Truthfully I need to feel better. I need to feel more like my happy go-lucky self. I've been in a place lately where all I can see is the negative, where I can't see how we're going to get out of debt when the spending isn't stopping, or where I can hardly envision falling in love again or having a relationship for that matter. Just having a fuck-buddy seems like a lot of work. Dewey's next HNT couldn't come any sooner.